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Not able to go to sleep as she needs a wee?

(12 Posts)
Chica31 Thu 18-Aug-11 21:58:03

DD1 is 2.3 years and has been potty trainned for 4 months. She learnt really quickly, still has accidents occasionally but normally my fault for not listening or moving her potty.

For a week now she is finding hard to get to sleep as she says she needs a wee. We wait on the potty or loo for ages nothing happens, we put her to bed. She seems like she is going to sleep, no noise and doesnt get up... Then she cries alot and gets in a state, does the wee in her nappy, we sit her on the potty for a bit, put nappy on, back to bed...cycle lasts about an hour sometimes 2. Until she does a huge wee and goes straight to bed with no problems at all.

We have just come back from visiting relatives for 2 weeks where she was completly out of routine, but normally there are no problems settling back again. We had a couple of nights when we came home of not wanting to go to bed, but then she was fine, until this started.

She has always gone to bed really easily no real problems before, transfered to a big bed at 21 months, no problems.

She also says, no sleep, no close eyes, no want sleep etc... This is not normal for DD at all. We have all been on holiday for 2 months so I wonder if that has made a difference too.... not seeing teachers and friends for a long time, now seeing relatives then they have gone too? When we first came back after holiday she was saying Nana gone? Grandad gone? etc. I have explained to her loads of times and she speaks to them on skype as normal. But this seems to have stopped over the last few days.

Any ideas? DD is getting really tired and I hate seeing her so upset.

joruth Fri 19-Aug-11 16:15:19

so sorry for you...very frustrating and tiring. I am mum of 4 and had probs like this with my first daughter after lots of changes.

I think she might be worried that first of all all her teachers, friends "went" whilst you were on hols then all these other important people have "gone" that it is possible that you and your partner (?) will go too. I would reassure her that you are not going anywhere. Each night as you put her on the toilet/potty before bed say what is going to happen whilst she is in bed ( hopefully sleeping) "Mummy's going downstairs, i'm going to wash up then I'm going to ..... then at my bedtime I'm going to come up to bed ( put PJ's on etc) and go to sleep then we will have breakfast together in the morning". would you like mummy to give you a kiss when you are sleeping? then put her to bed in her nappy whether she has weed or not and leave her. If she tries the potty thing you could say you will get her up once or not at all...up to you, just make sure you tell her whether you will come to her for toiletting again or not And ABSOLUTELY DO NOT get into conversations/cuddles etc if you revisit her to put her on the potty...strictly functional and time limited. As she is in a nappy it would probably work quickest to tell her you won't be doing it again after she's gone to bed but you have to be very STRONG to follow it through.

By the way if either of you work shifts or are going out after she's in bed or going out early in the morning....tell her in advance or she might freak out if she wakes and finds you gone.

To crack it you will have to both reassure and also be strong and firm because all the attention she is getting from the 2 hours of wee refusal is a very strong reinforcer for her behaviour and even once the anxiety has gone would perpetuate the behaviour.

Best of luck

Chica31 Fri 19-Aug-11 18:13:49

Thanks for the reply, that sounds really sensible advice.

I have been reassuring her constantly that we are always going to be here not going anywhere, love her loads.

We are both teachers at the same place she attends so we are always at home for her bed time.

I have also noticed she is holding her wee during the day, only does a couple a day at the moment. So we have bought some special stickers today and made a chart. She has weed much more frequently.

Wish us luck tonight.

Thanks

Chica31 Fri 19-Aug-11 18:28:59

Just gone all the way through and explained what we were going to do while she was asleep. Once this week I took the dogs for a walk while she was asleep and of course she woke up and I wasn't there!

She has gone to bed now and has so far got up twice, once asking for a wee. I had already explained to DD that she wouldn't be going to the loo once in bed.

DH is sitting outside her door with the lullabys music putting her back to bed. He is stronger than me....

I'll let you know how it goes

Chica31 Fri 19-Aug-11 18:58:01

Thanks so much.

I think DD is asleep. fingers crossed.

It has taken 20 mins. She got up 7 times mostly asking for a wee. Once she took her wet nappy off and handed it to DH, he had a clean one ready, put it on with no conversation and put her back to bed.

DH is amazing I hate her being so upset, but it has worked and so much quicker than normal.

We made the mistake by letting her sit on the potty, loads of cuddles...mainly me that one. And of course not telling her what we were going to do while she was asleep.

DD2 6 months, looks like she is about to cut her first tooth...never ending is it!

Sadly we are all back at work on the 1st September, plus this week loads of friends are back home so she can start seeing them again. Hopefully the routine will make things so much easier for her too.

Thanks

Chica31 Fri 19-Aug-11 19:12:18

I spoke too soon, she is screaming the place down and DH is with her.

I want to cry too

joruth Fri 19-Aug-11 19:46:24

Yes, I know it's so hard but you are there and you love her. This will not damage her, and you all really need to crack this. Attention is so hard not to give we all get into these situations before we realise and it will be hard for her to give up all that positive mummy and daddy attention. If you feel weak and he can cope, GO Daddy......play to your strengths. None of mine ever held out for more than 3 evenings....but they were the longest evenings ever!!!!!! STAY STRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!

joruth Fri 19-Aug-11 19:47:48

PS work actually might help as it will provide structure and additional people to stimulate (and tire) your lovely child.

PPS oh yes the teeth....why oh why do they never come when everything is going swimmingly?????

joruth Fri 19-Aug-11 19:49:04

PPPS I have frequently resorted to crying on the stairs outside the door as child1,2,3,or4 cried on the other side of the door!!

Chica31 Fri 19-Aug-11 21:25:08

Thanks joruth your support has been wonderful.

DH was great, he kept really calm. At one point she was hysterical, I have never seen her like it before. DH held her until she calmed down, then he left the room again. Have your children ever got this far? DH couldn't leave her she was going crazy, she was coming out of her room every few seconds getting more and more hysterical. DH didn't stay until she stopped crying, just until she stopped screaming. Have you done that before?

All told it took an hour to get to bed.

I am feeling terrible because we caused this. Before our trip back to the UK she had 2 stories went to bed no problems. Of course at grandma's house she was in a new room and got up a few times. I was just putting her back to bed until she started crying. Then my DM said, the room's new she doesnt know where she is etc and then DM stayed with her until she was asleep...then carried it on for 2 weeks! When we came home we had a couple of difficult evenings putting her to bed then all was OK for 3 or 4 nights, then this started!!!

Hopefully come 1st September everything will be back in normal routine. DD2 will be 7 months and a bit, so I am going back to work. DH and I work for the same school so it is easy in terms of logistics, we all leave and come home together. Both DD's can go to the school playgroup which is amazing and I can even go and feed DD2 in my lunch break so all perfect.

DD2 has been super, I have no idea how she slept through it all and her teeth don't seem to be bothering her at all. She has always been so chilled out...so far!

Thanks for your help

Chica31 Sat 20-Aug-11 19:32:40

Thanks so much.

Last night was really hard and she also woke at 3am, which she has never done before. I kept putting her back to bed for an hour and a half!!

But tonight was amazing. Straight to bed, no problems

Fingers crossed

Thanks

joruth Sat 20-Aug-11 20:39:02

So pleased things are good tonight, hope they continue but don't be surprised if you have another dodgy one sometime soon!

In reply, yes I've had hysteria, crying until child threw up and all sorts.
I also used to work in a paediatric department where we had, head bangers, breath holders, biters.......you wouldn't believe what children this age get up to....they have so much more stamina than us don't they? Oh to have their focus and energy!!

Here's to a good night's sleep all round and an extra mug of tea for your man for holding up under the stress....mine just leaves the house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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