For as long as I can remember, my 21 year old son (one of three children) has been an intensely private person. I feel like whenever I talk to him, he is holding up some kind of shield so that I can never get to know anything about him, his life, his thoughts etc.
I remember as a very young kid, he was always so thoughtful, outgoing and never felt weird about 'letting anyone in'.
That changed at the age of around 12 and since then I've never met any of his friends. He never talks about his friendships. If he is going out with them (which relieves me slightly that he does actually have a social life) then he refers to these people as 'my friends' or 'them' or 'my friend' i.e. never actually giving a name or gender or clue as to who these people are. He's never had anyone over. He's never had a girlfriend/boyfriend.
I have no idea what his hobbies are, if asked an opinion about something he just gives neutral answers. I don't know what music he likes, what he likes doing with his friends. It feels like I live with a robot.
He goes to university and is in third year, but ever since he went it's as if this robot gets off the train, stays with us for a few days and then gets back on the train and disappears off to university for the rest of the term. I know nothing about his university life, who his friends are, what he does in his spare time. I do ask by the way! But I get the same sort of 'shield' up where I never manage to get anything out of him. It's like he NEVER lets anybody in onto the true him.
It honestly seems like he has no personality or no life of his own. It's like he is drifting through life, not telling anyone about the person inside of him. I can help but compare him to my two other children - both of them are extremely popular, we have their friends over ALL the time and their partners. They were both extremely sporty at school, had many, many interests and tell us a lot about their lives. It's like child number three is from another planet.
Why is this? Why has my child become to crushingly secretive almost, to the extent that I really despair because I don't feel like I know him at all, and I'm not sure anybody does. How can I get him out of this robotic frame of mind he has and get him to have a bit more personality? Please don't say it's my fault because I don't think it is, people become like this not because of their parents. Has anyone else had a similar experience?
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Is my son a freak? I feel like he's a robot.
6 replies
CrazyAnnieWilkes · 18/08/2011 20:26
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