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Please help me help my son as he matures please.

(11 Posts)
TheOriginalFAB Sun 14-Aug-11 15:18:05

He is 10.

Has recently had sex education and he has access to a book when he wantsto read about it.

Apparently he is getting hormones which might explain his new, awful behaviour. Can you help me help him and point me in the direction of what is happening as I am feeling like a crap mother at the moment.

bonnieslilsister Sun 14-Aug-11 19:46:30

Whats he doing? sad poor you. Remember you are not a crap mum!

TheOriginalFAB Mon 15-Aug-11 12:54:47

Hi, thanks for your post. He is acting like a toddler except louder. He is being mean to his sister, OTT rude to me, both more than normal. Every time he speaks to me it is to bite my head off or back chat me. I want to be mindful if it is hormones, etc but he can't be allowed to carry on the way he is. It is making me so unhappy.

bonnieslilsister Mon 15-Aug-11 22:58:46

I wonder if it has anything at all to do with teenage hormones (unlikely) or is there something going on in his life to upset him? Is it school holidays just sending him round the bend?? How long has he been doing this? Is it a complete change of character?

Poor you. Kids can be so horrible sometimes but there is usually a good reason for this. I hope you can find out what is disturbing him. xxx

TheOriginalFAB Tue 16-Aug-11 07:28:06

He was getting bullied at school but it has eased off a bit. He doesn't like his siblings. He has an exam coming up but he has the ability, just not so much the concentration. My MIL has them atm as I have a hospital appointment today. He is not in a great place wrt me or his brother and sister atm and I don't know what to do.

bonnieslilsister Tue 16-Aug-11 08:57:30

A lot of kids seem to loath their siblings at this age. I dont know if you can do anything about that.

Is there anyway he can have a break and stay with someone else at the moment (? mil) just to give you a break, or for the siblings to go somewhere and you have one to one with him as that is probably, strangely, what he needs.

I would think it is important you keep showing him you love him even though you think his behaviour is not on. Try not to take things personally; he will be as bothered as you about what he is doing. xxx

TheOriginalFAB Tue 16-Aug-11 09:04:33

One to one time is so difficult to have and not helped when MIL keeps going on about how I have three children like it is 13. She said I shouldn't have more children when we just had 2 as I couldn't cope with the two I had.

I love DS1 so much, I ache for him but I am really struggling and have no idea how to be a mum. I know I look to them too much to show me and also want to behave for me hmm. Whatever we come up with as discipline doens't work more than once.

Yesterday I was pegging out the washing and yet again DD's new socks were filthy as she had been in the garden without shoes on. I am forever telling all of them so I made her hand wash them. Sometimes I can come up with good ideas like that to try and get my message across by 99.9% of the time I have no clue.

CareyHunt Tue 16-Aug-11 09:07:51

My ds went through a HORRIBLE phase at a similar age and I was dreading the teenage years.

He argued with his siblings, acted as if DH and I were the most awful parents on earth and basically couldn't stand being around us.

Every question we asked him was answered with 'urrghhh'.

It feels awful doesn't it. sad

WE tried really hard to remember how tough it is to be that age, and made sure that he got special 'older child' priveleges like staying up with just mum and dad for a bit later or going out for coffee with 1 parent, in return for extra responsibilities, including being a reasonable person! He really seemed to rise to the challenge, and treating him as a more mature person resulted in him behaving like one.

We still had days when something tiny would seem like the end of the world, but we just tried to keep a sense of humour about it all, and remember that it was JUST A PHASE!!! ( that has been pretty much my whole parenting strategy grin )

Ds1 turned 13 earlier this year, and almost overnight turned into a lovely, polite, helpful mature young man! I think, for us (so far) pre-teen was worse than teen. It does get better OP, it is just his age, not who he will be forever!

TheOriginalFAB Tue 16-Aug-11 09:10:13

I just feel scared about what will happen when my kids are older as I can't control them now when they are only 6, 8 and 10. A man helpfully told me ds1 was naughty because I didn't discipine him when he was under 2.

CareyHunt Tue 16-Aug-11 09:15:52

I didn't discipline mine either...I'm a right soft touch.

Honestly, FAB, it gets better. They are supposed to be pretty self absorbed at this age. Things will improve smile

TheOriginalFAB Tue 16-Aug-11 09:17:29

Hope so!

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