unreasonable expectations of general behaviour in 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 year old???

[BringOnTheSunshine]

Background bit: DS 4 1/2, DD 2 1/2. I work 12.5 hours at the weekend and DH works M-F 12 hour shifts.

I am currently at loggerheads with DH about his, in my opinion, unreasonable expectations about the behaviour of our children.

He has been on holiday this week (he did DIY all week) and we decided to spend yesterday out the house. We went to a local attraction, got lunch in a restaurant and were suppose to take the kids on a boat ride at the lake but DH stormed to the car in a toddler huff and we went home.

The list of complaints include our children being too loud...they were not shouting or screaming but DS has a habit of talking loudly when excited. They were "like animals" at the table....both kids were short on the booth
seats and sat on their knees. At one point both children put their heads down on the seat and were told to sit up which the did. DD dropped her fork twice! both ate the food that was served. They were not throwing food, climbing over us to get out the booth.
The problem we both agree on is the moaning, huffing and generally irritating behaviour that drives us both bonkers. But I have also pointed out that this is NORMAL.

This evening he told me that I am obviously not discipling them enough as they have to be told 100 + times not to jump on the couch, to sit still at the table, to speak quietly and not shout.

I say ... they are 2 and 4 get a bloody grip.

[Mollydoggerson]

Can I just say I feel your pain. We are on a wend away, having a lovely time, but am sick of children unfriendly people. We went on a boat ri today and my children were so irritating, jumping up and running up and down, with me following after, most people were lovely but we got a few dirty looks. Also one hote staff member was down right rude to us. Mine at 3 and2 , what do peope expect.

I think yours sound very well behaved and perhaps your husband needs to o on!

[DorisIsAPinkDragon]

I think his expectations are unreasonable. they are 2 and 4 .

I have a 6, 4 and 2 year old dd's and feel bad that i have spent the last week what seems like micromanaging them as behaviour has recently taken a nose dive (don't push your sister off the slide, do not jump on the sofa or the chairs in the library) they were not like this before but in a week or 2 appear to have become feral .

Today we have spoken and are going to try and get a little more structure into their day and a more calming bedtime routine as ours had slipped (we're on holiday etc) this evening they were in bed for 6.40 (the 2 eldest) and 6.15 for the youngest) we are hoping a little more sleep may help!

Fingers crossed for you I have no real advice but am in a similar boat!

[BringOnTheSunshine]

I think...from behaviour I have seen from other families etc....my kids are behaving like every other 2 & 4 year old. I think DH problem is that he is tired, grumpy and an arse.

I hope he shakes it off soon

[Octaviapink]

Your 2 and 4 year old are normal and your DH needs to revise his somewhat Victorian expectations.

[oldmum42]

Totally normal, in fact, better than average in that they DID do as asked, did not throw food, run around out of control etc.

[BringOnTheSunshine]

Thanks. Even though I believe they are normal in my sensible brain, the fact DH thinks they are behaving abnormally makes me wonder if I am missing things....mothers guilt I guess.

I sat in my seat watching the two children in the booths near to us walking about the restaurant and climbing on their parents and thought mine were doing well???? (not in a superior "look at me" way, just happy that mine were able to sit still..ish for the meal)

I have told DH he is expecting them to behave like 8+ year olds rather than just accepting their actual ages/abilities/limits and it is too much pressure and stress on them, me and him.

[GilbonzoTheSecretPsychoDuck]

Your two sound exactly like my two (same age gap but mine are 3 and 5 now). They get over excited and loud, they will push boundaries to see how far they can get but when they are told to stop they stop. They argue between themselves but will stop/share/etc as soon as I tell them to. They kneel up on their chairs at the table in order to not spill their food and they eat what they are given.

I'm incredibly proud of my two and get compliments about their behaviour. They are normal children. Enjoy yours, they sound fab

[pinklaydee]

My DH has be like this too when we are out somewhere - it's usually in a cafe or restaurant. It's funny, because he is softer with them at home which is where I am more strict, but gets embarrassed when we are out. They sound exactly the same as the other children mentioned in this thread though. I try to be aware that not everybody is going to understand what two small children can behave like, and avoid places where they would be expected to be quiet at all times.