I need your help with sanctions for DD aged 9 please.

[PippiLongBottom]

I have come to the realisation that I am crap with implementing sanctions and sticking to them. I am normally all for an easy life but realise that I have shot myself in the foot with this attitude. All my kids are running rings around me. I am calm, calm, calm and then explode. No good for anyone.

I have just started 'rules' for DS1 (4.5) and they are working beautifully. Just very simply counting to three when he starts whinging/playing up etc with the threat of being put in his bedroom. (This hasn't happened yet).

Now I need to sort something for DD, who does unfortunately suffer from a lack of my attention. I think a lot of her playing up is for my attention so I realise I need to address that but what about when she does start hitting/shouting at her brother or the usual PITA stuff?

Should I send her to her room? SHe has a TV and books there. Take the TV away for a certain time?

Do you have a number of warnings first before doing this?

How the hell did I get to nine and a half with none of this in place?

[Gillybean73]

What I would recommend doing is what SuperNanny Jo Frost does.

Basically when your DD is demonstrating any behaviour which you find unacceptable, then you get down to her level with eye contact and give her a warning using a low tone voice, quite stern and firm sounding but not shouting, keep it low. Tell her what is unacceptable and ask her to stop.

If she continues, then place her on the 'naughty step' or put her on a particular spot or in the corner of a room and tell her that she has to stay there because she didn't listen to you when you asked her to stop doing whatever it was. You leave them there for one minute for each year of their age so nine minutes in your case. If she moves or gets up then tell her the first time that she has to stay there for nine minutes and not move and just keep putting her back and reset the timer so that she has to sit there doing nothing for a full nine minutes. After the first time you have to put her back then don't interact or argue with her at all - say nothing and that is crucial otherwise she'll keep doing it to get your attention. You have to follow through with this though, if you let them up before the time and don't take them back or keep arguing with them then they know that you're not serious so you have to stick to this ridgidly. The first couple of times you might spend 40 minutes of constantly taking them back but stick with it because it really works.

After the nine minutes is up, then get down to her level and explain why she was on the step again and ask for an apology for the behaviour to you or to whoever it was she was naughty to. One she's apologised then give her a kiss and a hug and then she can go back to normal activites.

Usually you find this in itself is enough but you can add in punishments such as not being allowed outside to play the following day, not going to the park, no tv the next day, no sweets or whatever motivates your child.

If you stick to this, you'll find that the warning will soon be enough as she'll get fed up of the naughty step and your life will be a lot easier too. Short term pain for the long term gain! good luck!

[PippiLongBottom]

Thanks for that advice. I wasn't sure if she was too old for that kind of punishment. She is a very mature/precocious/bright child. I will give that a go.

[Gillybean73]

It should work a treat then if she is mature for her age as she will really HATE being stuck there for nine minutes doing nothing!

Be strong though and don't back down!