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separation anxiety help

(4 Posts)
DuelingFanjo Wed 10-Aug-11 22:37:46

Hi there

Ds is almost 8 months old and will be going into a creche when he is 9 months old. He will also be looked after by my mum for one or two days a week.

I've spent the last month or so getting my DS more used to spending long periods of time with my mum, first by just visiting a lot then by leaving him with her for half an hour to start then increasing the time. A few days ago my mum picked him up from my house to take him to hers (about 4 miles away) and he was away from me for about 4 and a half hours with no issues. Today my mum picked him up again (she will be doing this when I am back in work) and took him over to hers. He loved being there for most of the morning and fall asleep around lunchtime. When he woke he quickly became inconsolable and so in the end my mum called me and asked me to come over. He screamed for most of the time it took me to get there and when I arrived it took him a long time to calm down I have never seen him like this.

My mum says that he had been woken from his sleep by the doorbell (she has a really loud bell) and that's when the meltdown began.

He also didn't have his usual morning nap as I had arranged for my mum to get him just before, thinking he might sleep in the car or as soon as he got to hers.

Anyway - what I am asking is... is this quite normal for separatioon anxiety and just something we need to get through by repeating the process until he realises I will always come back to get him? Is it possible that the lack of naps and the rude awakening by the doorbell might have contributed to this?

Does anyone have any trips and tips to make this easier for my son and for my mum? She was very upset that she couldn't console him and I think it's panicked her.

many thanks

plipplops Thu 11-Aug-11 09:09:41

Try not to be put off by one bad experience. When they're so small they can't say what's wrong so it could have been any combination of the things you've said (overtired/rude awakening etc). As she looks after him more your mum will find different ways to distract and comfort him, even if as he gets older it's ice cream all the way!

Good luck smile

DuelingFanjo Thu 11-Aug-11 10:18:40

thank you smile I felt so sorry for my mum as she's never seen him like that before.
I'm taking him back over today for a while just so he knows it's a good place to be.

plipplops Thu 11-Aug-11 11:07:17

I just thought, it's also really important to be super positive about taking him anywhere. If he senses that you're nervous about leaving him somewhere he's going to be worried about it too. A friend of mine had terrible trouble taking her son to preschool, and it turned out it was because she was really worried and negative about it. When she read his learning diary and saw how happy he was there (he cried whenever she left him), she was so much more positive about taking him and he's been fine ever since.

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