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Apologies

(5 Posts)
crazygracieuk Wed 10-Aug-11 12:38:12

ds1 is 10. He is considered well behaved at school but I struggle with him at home. He has a sister who is 8 and a brother who is 4.

Dd and ds2 are very similar. When they are naughty or tantruming they will go for a time out, calm themselves down within 5-15 minutes and want to talk about things/apologise/move on. This suits me fine as I am quite a positive person and don't want to spend the day angry.

Ds1 does not respond the same way. If I sent him for a time out he'd do it until he needed the loo or was hungry (hours). If I told him that time out was over, he'd insist that he was staying and I have to persuade/yell which is just not right!! Confiscating doesn't work as he offers all of his treasured belongings and natural consequences ends up with him screaming at me and suggesting even worse punishments.

I am consistent as possible and use natural consequences /confiscating with the other 2 kids if necessary. His siblings are told off as often as him but they are naturally more compliant and see me as an authority figure and minor incidents can be sorted quickly. I don't fall into the trap of his goadings but I hate having to bite my Tongue and try to appear cool. I understand that he's an individual so a discipline method that works for the other 2 won't work for him.
What I am asking is if anyone has any other methods that I can try? He is a great boy but I need a strategy in disciplining him with low-level stuff because little incidents end up lasting for hours which is not acceptable.

I work at the school as a parent volunteer and he is better behaved than some but compared to home, he is more passive and seems to be good at flying under the radar.

Thanks for reading.

TimeWasting Wed 10-Aug-11 12:42:37

What is the bad behaviour?

crazygracieuk Wed 10-Aug-11 12:45:19

Just re-read the post and forgot my other question. Dh always presses ds1 for apologies but I don't as I don't want sorry to be just a word that is trotted out for my benefit. Should I be insisting on one? Sigh...

He is very popular at school so I think he knows how he should behave so I assume that it's a problem with me rather than a SN but when I went to a parenting course at the local children's centre we learned that if you praise the good ( build your child's self esteem) and pay them lots of attention then the rest will follow as your child will respect you but it's not how it works here...

crazygracieuk Wed 10-Aug-11 12:47:36

The bad behaviour is stuff like not stopping name calling despite a couple of warnings, playing roughly with siblings when told to stop.

TimeWasting Wed 10-Aug-11 13:02:27

Don't know about name calling, but when DS is getting rambunctious it's because he's not had enough of a run around outside that day.
Is he missing his school friends? Does he have his own room?

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