DS2 is nearly 5. He is lively, witty, articulate and highly observant. At his best, he is an absolute joy to be around. However, he craves a high level of attention. From being a small baby it has been quite clear that negative attention will do quite as well as positive attention, and I'm well aware of the need to try and keep that in check by trying to give him as much positive attention as possible,and to react calmy and consistently when things go wrong. Despite that, he has a strong mischief-making streak that surfaces whenever that attention dips below a certain level. I cope with the general naughtiness reasonably well, and find the methods described in the "How to talk so kids will listen ...." book really helpful. However, occasionaly he will get a certain glint in his eye that tells me I have seconds to react before he does something really bad. Examples are:
- While enjoying throwing stones in a river, suddenly aiming a rock at his brother's back, visibly wrestling with himself over whether the thrill of throwing it is worth the risk of a telling-off. (In the end he did throw it, and caused a huge bruise. I dread to think what would have happened if it had been aimed at his brother's head).
- While helping to put up a tent, suddenly picking up a mallet and hurling it, again at his brother.
- While generally being very road-safety aware, suddenly giving his brother a push into the road.
- Deliberately, and randomly, throwing a handful of sand into a child's face while playing in a sandpit.
- Deliberately trying to shock (or, in his view, cause amusement) by pulling his pants down at school or shouting rude words.
- Deliberately walking into strangers in the street, or ramming them with his scooter
-While being a great lover of animals, when stroking a dog he might suddenly pull its tail, or leap on top of it, in a way that could cause the dog to react badly.
-Deliberately touching something he has been told is dangerous, like a kettle or candle.
-Deliberately pushing over or otherwise hurting a younger child. (He's very gentle and loving with babies, but if a child is a year or so younger, and particularly if they aren't very verbally communicative, I have to watch him very carefully).
Its noticeable that many of these incidents involve his brother (age 7). DS1 has a very different personality. He can be very lively, and then they play together wonderfully, but at other times he can be very self absorbed, and it is then that these incidents often occur. I do what I can to explain to DS2 that big-bro sometimes needs his own space, and to explain to DS1 that little-bro wants his attention, but obviously they're a bit too little to understand all of that.
Another trigger for incidents seems to be when playing around other children that he doesn't know very well, or is finding it hard to communicate with. He wants to make an impact, to start a game, to make friends, but the only way he can see of doing that is to create some kind of strong reaction. I try to help him find more postive ways of joining in, but I'm not always succesful.
The third trigger for bad behaviour is strongly related to how I'm feeling. If I've had a run of bad-sleep nights, or have something on my mind, or just some jobs to do of my own, so I'm a bit less attentive than normal, then it generally has negative consequences.
I'd appreciate any help and advice from people who have experienced similar difficulties. I generally think (hope) that he'll grow out of it, but if there's anything I should be reading, or something I should be doing differently, or some kind of magic solution, then I'm all ears!
). He will make a bee-line for any book-corner, and can absorb himself for ages just looking at the pictures. I see this as a very big light at the end of the tunnel, because I think as soon as he learns to read independently, he'll be able to use it as a self-calming method, and will need less of my attention. Fingers crossed!