For a friend (honestly, not me!) who has wilful spirited children
DF is frustrated by their behaviour but will tell them 12 times not to do something before following through with some strange unrelated consequence which takes the DC by surprise because, after 12 warnings they aren't expecting any consequence at all so they have a massive tantrum (understandably). DF doesn't want to upset the DC by being firm or bossy
Is there a nice book that explains all this - about logical consequences and warnings and expectations? Or lovely parenting books that might help and make DF feel better.
Raising your Spirited Child & No Cry Discipline -Elizabeth Pantley may be worth a look, again maybe too American though. I found Divas and Dictators quite basic, kind of obvious common sense stuff that should be easy to implement for your pal. I haven't read Incredible years, but keep meaning to order it though as I am always seeing it being recommended. From what you say the suggestions in the Elizabeth Pantely book might appeal to your friend. HTH.
Agree with other suggestions and would just like to throw in any by Christopher green, he has got different books for different age groups. Toddler taming was great, but he has done books for older kids too.