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(9 Posts)
miku Thu 04-Aug-11 11:32:51

My dd has been accused of is not very nice but Im wondering how to tackle the issue-especially as I think its the other child who is being a bit unreasonable.she has told her mum that my child bullies her-from what i see, she is in control of games, and seems to be constantly telling my child to 'stop it'!, dont do that!, NO!,and her name in impatient terms.
My child is no angel, and can also be immature in her reactions. but im a bit worried that this is happening.Ideas??

DeWe Thu 04-Aug-11 13:39:04

I would see if you can find a mutual friend/teacher etc. and find their views on it.
Find someone who can be honest with you and ask them if their child has said anything, or find a teacher/dinnerlady if you know one well enough to approach in the holidays. It needs to be someone who feels they can be honest with you, because there's no point going to someone that will just be nice to you.
The hearing the other child say what you've put above could be her reaction to your child bullying, possibly what her parent has told her to say when a child bullies her. If you have a child who's bullied people can tell them to say that sort of thing in a loud confident voice. Confident because it can put the bully off and loud to attract attention of an adult who can help.

miku Thu 04-Aug-11 17:56:24

Ive been next to both kids, and the other girl appears to be ACTUALLY the one doing the bullying.........its a very strong term to use.coming from a large family, im used to banter, so havent taken it too a bit shocked by this other child, and mother, to be honest.

giyadas Thu 04-Aug-11 18:04:19

In what way do you feel this other girl is bullying your dd? Is there any chance you might be minimizing the banter? Was it the school who approached you re the bullying?
Sorry for all the questions, it's juat hard to get a clear picture just from your op

miku Thu 04-Aug-11 18:08:00

its actually pretty complicated!no,its the next door neighb!and i DONT think its bullying, but i dont like this kids behaviour, but have been willing to let them work it out.other mum said to me after they had a shouting match.
its all been on their territory, iykwim

miku Thu 04-Aug-11 18:09:46

the funny thing is, i feel intimitaded and bullied myself!
she moved in a year and a half ago-weve been here 3, and gardens adjoin by hole in fence

giyadas Thu 04-Aug-11 18:23:07

so it's all very close to home if things take a bad turn, that would worry me a lot. Would subtly lessening the time they spend together help? Some kids can't be together for too long without their personalities clashing.
were you friendly with the mum before this issue arose? Any chance of talking it over? And while kids should be given a chance to sort things out themselves, sometimes a bit of adult intervention is better. Maybe a bit of gentle helicoptering, at least so you can get a clear a picture as possible about the situation.
I'd try and stay as friendly as possible with the neighbour tbh, because it's hard to retreat if things get hostile.
Sorry, that's been a really waffly post and prob no help at all blush

miku Mon 08-Aug-11 14:02:57

thanks, Gidyas!it does help to have another person hear the worries!there is definately a competitive edge with these kids!I agree with you about lessening time, and that is what i have been doing.My DD is very independent, and i think the other girl is used to being 'in charge', which is where they clash sometimes. they usually get on really well.I am taking what the other mum says half seriously, as i dont want DD to be a bully, but having asked friends who know her and gave me an honest feedback to her being feisty,excitable, and loud! but kind and not a bully......I will build on that.

GooseyLoosey Mon 08-Aug-11 14:06:05

Some relationships with some people just don't work - I have seen this with my own children. This is clearly one of those relationships. I too would try and minimise how much time they spend together. If the other mother queries it, would explain that as she has pointed out, the girls just do ot play that well together at the moment.

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