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Non-mum and dad anxiety at 14 weeks?!

(7 Posts)
daisylulu Mon 01-Aug-11 07:38:58

My DD is 14 weeks old and for the last 2 weeks has become extremely screamy at anyone other than me and my DH. This includes being unsure of my mum who she has seen most days since birth.

Generally what happens is this- someone other than me or DH comes in room and says hi to DD. She starts eyeing them up, thenthe upside down smile starts which escalates into full blown screams and can normally only be resolved by me or DH holding her.

Any idea what's going on? And more importantly how should we handle it? Ignore the screams or think it's just a phase and she will be ready for new people again when shes ready. These people aren't exactly strangers- it's her nanny and other close family! Also HV says it's too early for this kind of behaviour and that DD can barely tell the difference between me and HV ....hmmmmm..... I'm not so convinced!

Thanks

Mobly Mon 01-Aug-11 08:13:12

It's stranger anxiety- mine never had it- but ignore the HV, your baby didn't read the rule book obviously and she is just showing a very strong preference for mum and dad. I would comfort, she will get used to other carers, it's just a phase.

Mobly Mon 01-Aug-11 08:14:32

Sorry should add, I would comfort but calmly, don't make a fuss as you don't want to reinforce the idea that everyone but mum and dad is scary!

milkyjo Mon 01-Aug-11 13:19:19

I agree, it sounds like stranger anxiety - although not usually around until 6 months. My DS used to do this with his grandparents at about 4 months. Try to let your DD suss out other people first before they approach her and talk to her. I found that after a few minutes of basically 'ignoring' my DS whilst he made sure they were worth talking to and then approaching him reassured him. Also with my mum she persevered and did fun stuff with him, like walked around the garden or played with him with distraction toys. It does break your heart though when you see that downturned mouth and real tears!
And at 14 weeks of course your DD can tell the difference between her own mother and HV!

Gavi Mon 01-Aug-11 14:46:42

My DD is 5 months and has been like this since she was about 14 weeks. I let people hold her, then take her back when she starts crying but do lots of smiles to show her she's perfectly safe. She does seem to be getting better with relatives she sees regularly.

sbeth1976 Tue 02-Aug-11 11:30:17

Hi Daisylulu - we have met before on the reflux thread. My dd is also 14 weeks and we also have the same thing. Basically she only wants me, her Dad or her big sister. She's ok for a few minutes with other people but then the crying starts, and like you she does it with people like her Grandma and Grandad.

She does exactly the same as your lo - eyes them up and down before the tears. I thought it was a bit early for stranger anxiety as well, but then again all babies are different. I am hoping it is just a phase as well.

I think we're going to try ' ignoring ' her at first and let her come round in her own time.

Hope you lo is doing ok.

daisylulu Tue 02-Aug-11 20:22:41

<waves at sbeth from reflux thread> hope you LO is ok?

Thanks everyone. Reassuring to know my LO isn't the only one!

Nanny came again today- DD is definitely her screamiest with my mum. Tbh I'm beginning to find it a little upsetting now but I'm sure shell grow out of it soon enough. My mum and i do look v similar so am starting to wonder if DD finds it confusing...

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