Just had a huge family fight and now feel a bit sick.

[fartmeistergeneral]

Silly really.

The dcs (12 and 10) have behaved pretty poorly for weeks (months?) and now it's the hold and my dh is looking after them while I work, it's deteriorated further. They never want to hang out with their friends and have been mostly hanging about the house driving him mad and fighting. Don't get me wrong, dh does take them out now and again but most of the time they are here winding each other up.

Tonight ds2 had his club and I wanted to take him cos he hasn't been for 3 weeks due to holidays etc. He normally LOVES it but after poor behaviour at the dinner table and Beavis and Butthead type behaviour - things went downhill and he steadfastly refused to go even though he had previously been looking forward to going back. My dh had made special arrangements for tonight for me to have the car to take him there and ds1 had arranged to see a friend.

It all deteriorated into a HUGE screaming match with everyone screaming at each other and now I feel physically sick. AND he didn't go. AND now my neighbours must think we are raving loonies and demented parents.

Just wanted to share.

[fartmeistergeneral]

Hols, not hold....

[skybluepearl]

can you have some sort of family meeting where you discuss the problems while not argueing. say what the issues are and ask what they are going to do to change the situation. write things down and put up reminders

[fartmeistergeneral]

My dh is very against all that stuff. He would think it was ridiculous and I know I wouldn't have his support. He thinks they should get over themselves and start behaving properly.

DS2 just away for a sleepover. I did hug him and tell him I love him, but still have a sick feeling in my stomach at the extent of the screaming earlier!

[fartmeistergeneral]

bump

[CheerfulYank]

I second what Sky says. It's always good to "strike while the iron is cold" and get them talking and figuring things out when no one's upset.

We used to have terrible screaming rows when I was growing up (mom, dad, brother and I) and nothing was ever really resolved or discussed. It was awful.

[fartmeistergeneral]

It would have to be a family meeting without dh then, do you think that would work?

[CheerfulYank]

It's worth a try.

But I'd really try to get him on board. If you tell him it's important to you to at least give it a shot would he do it?

[Collision]

No. Your DH has to be on board too. You could do the talking while he sits in on the family meeting.

I would sit them down and tell them that things are not working well atm and things need to change. Tell them what you expect of them and they need to pitch in and help with things or there will be consequences. (I know helping out is not the issue but why not get them doing some jobs!!)

It sounds to me like they might be a bit bored hanging round the house and they might be better if they were out playing football or tennis or a long walk or something.