7-9 month development review didn't go well...

[Criminy]

DS (aged 9 months) had his 7-9 month development check by the nursery nurse a few days ago. It didn't go very well, so I'm hoping for a bit of reassurance or advice.

She said that DS has a developmental delay because by 9 months he should be waving goodbye, clapping, saying "mama" and "dada" and bashing two blocks together to make a noise.

I pointed out that DS was 6 weeks premature, and whilst he's been walking holding onto my hands since 5.5 months old, and is now crawling, pulling himself up and cruising, he didn't smile until 3 months old and didn't start putting things to his mouth until nearly 7 months. She just replied that his prematurity didn't count and so he was still showing a developmental delay, and that she didn't count him as crawling anyway as he "only does a commando crawl."

Apparently babies often show a delay if their parents don't spend enough time talking to them and encouraging them to do these things. I really appreciated that vote of confidence

He's now on some developmental delay list and has to be monitored.

Has anyone had a 7-9 month review that can offer an insight into this? It's been a very difficult 9 months as DS has had a fair few medical problems, and I've had PND rather badly, so this has really shaken me up and made me feel like somehow I need to do more with him.

[NarcissaMalfoy]

My DTs were 5 weeks prem and it was always Taken into account at every review up to the 18 month one.

Shouldn't you GP or HV do the review, not someone from nursery?

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

I wouldn't worry. DD has not been seen for any kind of development check since she was about 12 weeks old. They don't do them in our area and we manage just fine without them. If you think he's doing well then that's what counts.

[HumphreyCobbler]

god that sounds like total bollocks

DS was not clapping, waving, saying ANYTHING by that age. Lots of children never crawl.

Honestly this sounds barking

[kalo12]

my ds didn't say mama dada til 13 months, didn't wave at this age, can't remember the other things but was never told he had developmental delay, and he is certainly normal at 3 yrs, bright infact.

proper 4 point crawling has a time frame right up until 13 months for starting this - i have an MA in developmental movement.

[Casmama]

Please don't worry, this sounds like total nonsense. I would actually be quite annoyed at a nursery nurse feeling they were qualified to diagnose a developmental delay on such a flimsy basis. My son was also only commando crawling up until 11 months (walking at 14 months) and while he was always a noisy bugger so probably banging the bricks together, I'm pretty sure he wasn't saying Mama or Dada and I have no concerns about his develpment. (He's almost 2 now). If you are concerned I would agree with others, go and see your HV or GP for reassurance.

[nenevomito]

Prematurity does count and I'm if she told you it didn't.

Some children only commando crawl and never 'proper' crawl. Some children don't crawl at all and bottom shuffle, roll, or just go straight to pulling up and cruising. DS didn't bother to clap for some reason, but could do other stuff.

Thing is that we can tell you this and you'll probably still worry because you're a mother! I'd make an appt with your GP or HV for a developmental check so they can either put your mind at rest or give you better information.

[schobe]

A nursery nurse?

Sounds like utter utter bollocks to me.

[thisisyesterday]

i would ignore it. she sounds as though she doesn't know her stuff.

of course his prematurity should be taken into account!

he sounds similar to my ds1... he was VERY physical as a baby. crawled early, sat early, walked at 8.5 months!!!
he didn't clap until he was well over a year (neither did either of his brothers)

commando crawl counts too, i am sure... he is mobile isn't he?

can't remmeber when my lot said mama and dada but not sure they were doing it when they had their 8 month checks... think it was later than that

if you are worried though you should go and see either your health visitor or your GP and get a proper opinion on your baby (who sounds just fine to me!)

[thisisyesterday]

by the way... after she informed you that he had developmental delay did she refer him to a paediatrician? or give you any more information? or tell you what to do?

if not I would complain, big time. It is also common practice here that if there are concerns and a nursery nurse is doing the check then they HAVE to get the health visitor to see the baby too.
so i would complain anyway. she sounds really unprofessional, is out and out WRONG about several things and she has left you really worried with nowhere else to turn

[CJMommy]

A 'Nursery Nurse' diagnosing developmental delay [sceptical].
Agree with other posters. Speak to your HV if you are concerned but my DS never did any of those things by 9 months. DD is 7 months and am pretty sure she won't be doing any of those things in the next two months either!!

[CJMommy]

[SpottyFrock]

Dear me, who the he'll are these people?????

Firstly, crawling is not considered developmental at all as lots of children never crawl esp those who don't have regular tummy time.

Secondly, it is utter bollocks to say that being a premmie doesn't count. Developmental milestones are always adjusted to take into account how premature a baby is. So, most children smile around 6wks therefore your child smiling at 12wks makes perfect sense as he was 6wks early.

The nonsense about delay being linked to bad parenting in that way is crap too!

Oh and anecdotally, my 5.5yr old didn't clap until she was 11mths. She is an exceptionally confident, bright and able girl who school have on the g&t list.

[matana]

Utter bullshit.

DS is almost 9 months. He's extremely active, alert and communicative but doesn't wave goodbye, clap his hands or say anything other than shrieks, screeches and screams that vaguely resemble vowel sounds but certainly contain no consonants.

If anyone suggested i hadn't spent enough time interacting with him i'd
punch them be rather cross.

[Criminy]

DS doesn't go to a nursery, I'm not sure what a nursery nurse even is. I'm guessing because of the "nurse" bit that she's a nurse like the health visitor but works in a centre instead of visiting? I haven't seen a health visitor since he was 3 months old.

And yep, he's certainly mobile - he can commando crawl faster than I can do a "proper" crawl!

It came as a total shock to me, I'm really happy with him and think he's doing really well, so this has shaken me a bit, probably not helped as my PND has relapsed quite badly (not that the nursery nurse would know that though.)

She was going on about referring him to a paediatrician, but he's already under the care of a paediatrician because he has gastro-intestinal problems, and the paediatrician's always been very happy with his development, even told him [jokingly] that he was being ridiculous walking holding onto hands at 5.5 months actual age. (not seen her for 2 months though). So instead the nursery nurse said I had to go back in 3 months for her to monitor him.

TBH, after all your replies and looking at it all written down, I'm thinking this all sounds rather dodgy.

[SpottyFrock]

A nursery nurse is usually someone with an early year childcare qualification. They normally work in nurseries and playgroups but they sometimes help hvs at clinics. They are not nurses.

I'd be surprised if she's even qualified to do the developmental check let alone diagnose developmental delay! Stupid woman! I cannot believe she told you that prematurity wasn't taken into account nor that she suggested any delay was your fault!

Can you make an appointment with either your hv or better still hour gp?

[Criminy]

OK, I'm now pretty angry. This is the same woman that did his 4 month review. I'd wiped that horror from my mind.

She said then that he should be trying to sit and making noises, but he wasn't. I also had to explain to her what the arrows going back on his charts are (the prematurity correction arrows), and she wasn't happy with his weight (was on 0.4 centile actual age) and was saying if he didn't finish his bottle I really should force it down him somehow to help him gain weight. This was when he'd been very, very poorly in hospital with a serious infection from 1-5 weeks old, so his weight had plummeted, and he also has horrific reflux that we hadn't got a handle on yet. I ran out of that one in tears so was really not looking forward to going back.

So it's looking like some woman without even any healthcare qualifications is saying that my prem DS has a developmental delay? And so I've spent the last few days feeling like crap for not talking to him or practising with him enough.

SpottyFrock, after reading your post (and others) I'm now pretty damn mad, at the nursery nurse for this whole debacle, and at myself for being so stupid.

Can I just not go back to her? I'll try and see my GP but he's pretty useless at the best of times (DS's reflux - "all babies sick up a bit" "some babies do cry constantly", my post-natal depression - "Oh, I don't think there's any point going down the counselling route, let's just increase your tablets and see." (now on max. dose and still very bad))
Wonder if DS's paediatrician would mind if I called her?

Honestly, I could just scream.

[ninedragons]

Don't go back to the nursery nurse - you might as well ask your bus driver for his opinion.

Can you find a new GP? Sometimes you do have to shop around a bit to find one with whom you click. Definitely ring the paediatrician. Doesn't sound like you have anything at all to worry about but you need to put your mind at rest, especially if you've got PND.

[chipmonkey]

Ds3 was 8 weeks premature and IIRC the prematurity does count until they are, wait for it, 3 years and 6 months old. This lady is talking out of her arse.
Also, those checklists are just guidelines. Just because your ds does not tick a particular box on a particular day does not mean there is cause for concern. Don't go back to her again and I don't see any reason why you shouldn't contact his paediatrician to put your mind at rest.

[nenevomito]

If she's at a heath centre, she may be a paediatric nurse, but the advice at the 4m check doesn't add up either. I don't know many 4mo who are sitting or trying to sit. Take off the 6 weeks for being prem and it would definately not be expected of a 2.5mo.

Could you ask to see a diff GP? I'd definitely try to get an appt with your HV if you can.

[MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay]

Please don't bother seeing this ridiculous woman again!

I don't know where she got her qualifications from.. the internet maybe?!!!!

As everyone else says.. prematurity DOES count ..for a long time yet and there is a massive variety in developmental range anyway!! I had one who walked at 9 months and one who walked at 22 months... and guess what, no one cares now:) Ditto the one who didn't speak at all til she was 2.5 turned out to be the highly academic one ... baby milestones are just that.. milestones, not predictors of greatness or doom!


I am very sorry this idiot 'professional' has upset you on both occasions. Ditch her and enjoy your lovely son!

[Albrecht]

Firstly ds is nearly 13 months, still doesn't clap and has only just started doing many of the things you mention. Our (experienced) hv had no concerns with his development at 9 months, ie when he wasn't doing most of that stuff.

Secondly please think about seeing a new gp for yourself. ADs don't work for everyone and some cases of pnd are caused by past issues that need working through to free you of them. Otherwise its like sticking a plaster over an abcess. Obviously I don't know you but from what you said you need some sympathetic and knowledgeable healthcare professionals, ie some new ones. I'd have chucked myself under something by now if I'd had that kind of 'care'.

Think hv are linked to your gp practice so if you could change completely you might get a whole new set?

[DeWe]

Dd2 didn't say dada and mama at 9 months. She was fully in sentences by 17 months.
She only commando crawled, didn't pass from hand to hand, and certainly didn't bash two blocks together. She was born with only one hand so this wasn't surprising, but the HV asked these questions anyway.

I can't believe she thought he should be sitting at 4 months. I think it's 6 months but you definitely correct for prematurity under a year anyway. Dd2 and ds didn't sit until they were about 9 months anyway (they were too busy commando crawling to bother with sitting still).

Perhaps you could get the nursery nurse a development chart to help her?

[SomethingSuitablyWitty]

That woman sounds completely rubbish and like she has been upsetting you for no good reason. I have a DD nearly 9 months who does precisely none of the things described and only just started sitting up a couple of weeks back (This was a bit later than some, but really, 4 months is bonkers).

When DD had a development check up at 8 months, the paediatrician said she was doing great. I asked about the not sitting-up and the paed said that she would expect it to happen in the coming weeks (which it did). She also checked for weight-bearing (which your DS clearly does) and reaching out to grab things. She asked about sounds and said that specific 'baba/mama' sounds were not really that important yet - just that there were sounds and babble of some kind.

That was an experienced paediatrican - not someone comparing the baby to some kind of idealised chart. So I would say that despite prematurity, your DS is developing right on target and you should ensure that you can deal with someone better qualified who doesn't scare you for nothing!

Hope you get some better help, also with the PND.

[georgie22]

Nursery nurses are not qualified paediatric nurses - they assist health visitors. I saw the nursery nurse for our dd's 8-9 month check and she clearly had a set procedure to follow in terms of scoring on various milestones. There were no issues picked up so I'm not sure what the procedure would have been if there had been a problem, but I would think that a health visitor would be asked for a second opinion. I think the best advice is to make an appointment to see a health visitor who can hopefully provide the reassurance you need.

[RitaMorgan]

A nursery nurse just has an NVQ level 3 (or equivalent) in Childcare, they can only do basic stuff really and are there to do routine things like weighing to free up HV time.

My 11.5 month old doesn't say anything, and doesn't wave. He's started clapping quite recently and has bashed things together for a while. There is quite a wide range of normal development, there's certainly no "should be" about it.