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Behaviour affected by inability to poo at school?

(12 Posts)
skewiff Wed 20-Jul-11 14:30:09

Sorry for the not very attractive title/subject.

But, my son is due to start school in September - and he is completely attached to pooing at home.

This sounds like not too much of a problem, I'm sure. The reason I am worried though is because when DS needs to do a poo his behaviour becomes chaotic, frantic and he becomes a real nuisance. He starts getting right in other children's space because he sort of loses control. Today he shut a girls head between the door and toilet wall. He totally did not realise what he was doing. I had tried to get him to do a poo in the toilet, but he just couldn't/wouldn't really try.

As soon as we arrived home he went and did a poo.

I'm worried because they do most of the learning in DS's new school, after lunch, which is when he always needs to go.

No one will be able to persuade him to go, as he manages to hold on brilliantly.

He does have v v v mild CP which means that he cannot pull himself up on to the toilet seat alone. But even with my help he is reluctant to go because he wants super privacy. He is so into privacy at home that he takes his potty into the garden and makes sure that I've shut the back door.

Has anyone got any ideas as to how I could get DS pooing in public???

Thank you x

shoots Wed 20-Jul-11 20:31:04

I have a dd with a similar problem also about to start school in Sept. She will only poo in a nappy and will hold on until she gets one on at night. She is very defiant about it although I haven't noticed a change in her behaviour particularly. She just wants to be carried when she needs to go if we are out just in case it comes out without her being able to control it.

She also has very mild CP - I wonder if there is a link? Possibly a sensory thing? It is the main thing worrying me about her starting school.

Sorry can't help with any practical suggestions really - I feel as though we have tried everything even the pooland book and bribes confused

suzikettles Wed 20-Jul-11 20:34:06

I'm completely clueless about schools nowadays, but I remember when I was little they had special small toilets for the infants - is that the case now? I should know, ds is at nursery confused

Or could you talk to the school and have a step or similar provided for the cubicle that ds uses? Would that help or is it a different issue?

suzikettles Wed 20-Jul-11 20:35:17

And maybe he could be encouraged to go out and use the toilet (if it's made accessible for him) just after lunchbreak when there's noone else around if he's worried about other children being there?

scurryfunge Wed 20-Jul-11 20:42:11

My DS was like this, not in primary but developed a fear at secondary school. He couldn't cope with the lack of privacy, no soap, no hand towels, the smell of smoke -it caused him real anxiety. He would come running home desperate to go or have to run to the supermarket on the way home. He did grow out of the fear eventually but school toilets can be horrible places.

skewiff Wed 20-Jul-11 20:51:33

Yes, they do have small toilets in primary schools. But they have the same sort in DS's nursery and he would never do a poo there either. It definitely is to do with privacy and also he is not confident yet to do it all on his own.

I think I need to make this an aim for the summer - so will try bribes to get DS to poo when we're out (if I think he needs to) and will try and get him independent at home on our toilet and wiping his bottom so I am not helping at all.

I worry about the bottom wiping thing though. He is not brilliant at it, although we have practised a lot. He never gets his bottom entirely clean (especially if its been a really sloppy poo - Sorry for tmi!!) Do your children manage to clean themselves really well - or am I being too much of a perfectionist?

Shoots- I don't know if this is connected to DS's CP. He was fine about pooing in public for ages, until he became all private about it. Although he's never been independent/able enough to deal with the whole thing himself. I feel that its all connected to his physical abilities. Which is why I feel I need to make him as independent with it all as possible.

Nagini Wed 20-Jul-11 20:56:02

Is it a stupid thing for me to suggest a step at home?

suzikettles Wed 20-Jul-11 21:01:39

Ds has a "poo problem" which has caused regular accidents at home and at nursery and is starting school in a month so I really feel for you.

We've been to the doctors and in his case it appears to be related to constipation combined with reluctance to go to the toilet, luckily the constipation is mild and seems to have got better over the last couple of weeks by upping his liquid intake considerably.

Anyway, we have been accident free at nursery for the last fortnight but there are occasionally marks in his pants, so no, he's not fantastic at cleaning himself but good enough compared to the nightmare we've had for the last few months where pants were basically going in the bin at nursery.

Ds is also growing out of a fear of hand-driers which has caused much grief when out and about. I think all these toilet problems are a lot more common than you think!

Would wet wipes or those Kandoo wipes maybe be something to try? I think if it's affecting his behaviour in the classroom then the school should try everything they can to help if there are specific routines or things you think he will need (hopefully).

CoonRapids Wed 20-Jul-11 22:05:54

My DS was afraid of hand-driers too and then went on to have constipation problems from when he was 3 and still continuing at 7. He's been on movicol which is just part and parcel of our lives now, and we don't think about it that much. He's now finishing Yr 2 and has never pood at nursery or school I'm afraid to say. He just got into the habit of going after school...He also sometimes holds on to wee rather than go in the school toilets. I would speak to the school and try and get them to take it seriously. To make children comfortable with school toilets should (but sometimes isn't) a priority. There's also the problem that sometimes they just don't smell as nice as the toilets at hom smile

CoonRapids Wed 20-Jul-11 22:06:37


skewiff Thu 21-Jul-11 13:12:30

We do have a step for the toilet at home, but our floor in the bathroom is slate and really slippery. DS does not have great balance anyway so I have veered away from encouraging the step as it often slips. Yes - I should look into getting a non slip one - I've not been very proactive with that.

I'll try my best over the summer to get DS into pooing outside of home, but when he starts school will really flag it up with them as well.

Thank you.

Nagini Thu 21-Jul-11 21:25:15

my sister has one of these smile

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