I’m so sad for my mum

[cuppateaandajammiedodger]

She?s currently staying for a couple of weeks as she came down for my 3 year old?s birthday, which was on Sunday. Over the past couple of days she?s been telling me that she doesn?t like her nana (often in front of her) and just generally not being very nice to her at all (ignoring her and telling me that she doesn?t want to be with her, for example). On top of this she is now telling me that she loves her dad and 2 cousins but not me, her nana or grandpa (on either side) or anyone else for that matter, with a bit of talking to she does say she loves me but nobody else. She's offering all this information completely out of the blue.

This all since she came back from her dad?s on Monday morning. It is making me so upset that she is being so awful to my mum, who spends half her life buying clothes, putting money in her trust fund and generally loving her (of course I don?t expect a 3 year old to appreciate that, just trying to explain why I feel so upset).

A bit of history, her dad and I split up in February and she stays with him (who lives with his family; parents, brother, sis-in-law and their kids ? her cousins) every other week, I absolutely don?t begrudge him/her the time she spends over there and I know for a fact that she has a blast, not surprising considering that the place is full of other kids ? so I completely understand that she has tonnes of fun over there, and it is all routine (you know the boring stuff like nursery and doctors appointments) when she is at home with me ? I think that is par of the course when you split up. I just don?t understand why she has suddenly become so anti my mum (they?ve spent loads of time together in the past and never had any problems).

I've tried talking to her abut how much her nana loves her and asking her why she doesn't like her (she just mumbles), I'/ve tried being firm with her and telling her she's not being nice and is making her nana sad. Not quite sure what to do.

[LizaTarbucksAuntie]

Oh lovey it's horrid isn't it. Littlemad did this to my Mum for a while, the positive thing is that they are now the very best of friends.

I think it's sort of down to when they start realising they can make decisions about thier relationships so it's sort of a trying out how it feels thing and they generally 'pick' someone it's safe to do it with.

She will get through it and the less it feels like a 'big red button' that will get lots of attention the quicker it will happen.

Good luck!

[cuppateaandajammiedodger]

Yes, you're absolutely right, I need to stop making such a big deal about it don't I. I am stupid sometimes, bloody parenting 101 isn't it....the less you make a fuss of it the less they do it! Thanks tonnes.

[TobyLerone]

My son did this with my stepdad. Took a sudden dislike to him and screamed the place down if he came near him.

He also did it to my sister, who had seen him every day since he was born. It was useful for making him eat his dinner, as if he refused I would tell him that I'd get my sister round to eat it. It never disappeared so fast!

It actually used to upset my stepdad, and particularly my sister, but my son got over it and it passed. He can't believe it now, when we tell him how he was when he was small.

[LizaTarbucksAuntie]

I didn't mean to sound harsh at all, the problem with raising kids is that it's clearly the obvious stuff that catches us out. You're not stupid, you're a parent.

Have a hug!

[poptartpoptart]

It sounds like your DD is perhaps feeling confused / overwhelmed / upset with the recent split up of her parents. It only happened a few months ago and now she is having to deal with a massive change in her life and going from you to her dad is a lot for a little one to deal with (speaking from experience).

She is only 3 so she is still too little to understand and rationalise and vocalise her feelings. So her behaviour is changing to reflect her feelings. Some children become withdrawn and quiet and others can become badly behaved or say horrible things.

Give her loads of love and support and reassurance and talk to her about her feelings (I'm sure you already do anyway).

Having said all this though, I'm not sure I would just put up with her saying mean stuff about your mum, especially in front of her. I would say things like, 'that's not a very kind thing to say DD' or 'Well your nana loves you very much' or 'That hurts mummy's / nanas feelings when you say unkind things'. If she continues I would tend to just try to ignore the comments.

[cuppateaandajammiedodger]

No no, you didn't at all LizaTarbucksAuntie - and thanks for the hug :)

[lookatthatmess]

I have a 2yr old who is saying she doesn't like nanna, grandad or any of her uncles and aunties at the moment. I'm fairly sure its a phase they go through and you mustn't take it to heart.

[cuppateaandajammiedodger]

Am feeling a lot better about it thanks to you all.