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8 year old dd touching her private bits because it "tickles"

(19 Posts)
monoid Wed 20-Jul-11 00:19:15

My 8 year old dd has recently been pulling the skin around her clitoris and stroking her nipples with her fingers. I asked her why she was doing it and she said it "tickles". I have spoken to her about how it isn't appropriate to do that around other people.. However, I don't know whether I should be quizzing her about where she got the idea from. She has had a couple of "sleepovers" at friends houses recently. At the same time, I am worried that if I do quiz her about it, then she will think that she is doing something wrong, or that I am upset with her.
Is this normal behaviour for an 8 year old, or should I be concerned about it?
Any advice is greatly appreciated.

cory Wed 20-Jul-11 00:20:56

It is normal behaviour for an 8yo. Come to think of it, it is fairly normal behaviour for an older person too blush If you think about it, did you need anyone to tell you that it feels nice to touch yourself down there?

monoid Wed 20-Jul-11 00:22:12

I did actually and I was about 12 years old at the time! It might just be that I'm weird... thanks for the reply :-)

AmaraDresden Wed 20-Jul-11 00:24:24

My DS1 used to rub himself on the carpet a lot (while clothed), I just told him it was a very private thing and sent him to his room whenever he did it.

I don't think they neccesarily need to have seen anything to start poking at themselves, I can remember squeezing my clitoris when I first found it during a trip to the loo, and wondering if that was where babies came from (ouch!!!). It became to squeeze it whenever I went to the toilet for a while. It didn't feel nice or painful, I was simply curious.

AmaraDresden Wed 20-Jul-11 00:24:24

My DS1 used to rub himself on the carpet a lot (while clothed), I just told him it was a very private thing and sent him to his room whenever he did it.

I don't think they neccesarily need to have seen anything to start poking at themselves, I can remember squeezing my clitoris when I first found it during a trip to the loo, and wondering if that was where babies came from (ouch!!!). It became to squeeze it whenever I went to the toilet for a while. It didn't feel nice or painful, I was simply curious.

monoid Wed 20-Jul-11 00:29:26

Thanks for the message AmaraDresden I'm glad that, that is not where babies come from! I wasn't really suggesting that she saw anything, more worried about inappropriate conversations with friend's older siblings or something along those lines. That's why I was asking if it's normal, because it wasn't normal for me and that's all I've got to go on, I suppose.

thornrose Wed 20-Jul-11 00:35:58

I think it's normal, children can easily accidentally discover how nice something feels, I know I did but I was a bit older! I have to say my first instinct was that rubbing her nipples seems a bit unusual but I'm sure it's fine.
I think I'd do some very subtle probing (excuse the pun I couldn't resist)
about the sleepovers as you obviously have some mild concerns?

SchrodingersMew Wed 20-Jul-11 00:41:17

I think I was probably around that age when I found my bits. blush
Didn't need anyone to tell me, I just had a habit of clamping my hand between my legs when sleeping and found them one night in bed.

I don't think I ever found out about my nipples on my own though, that is the only thing that slightly makes me think someone may have told her, although probably completely innocently.

just about everyone discovers sooner or later that this sort of thing feels nice. Try not to freak or panic and don't tell her off, just explain to her that it's a private thing to do: not 'naughty', just private.

thornrose Wed 20-Jul-11 00:46:38

Incidentally monoid you are not weird. My dd is almost 12 and is obviously getting sexual feelings but she just wriggles very uncomfortably. She has yet to discover that she could use her hand. I almost wish I could tell her blush We're all different.

monoid Wed 20-Jul-11 00:48:10

Hi thornrose
I wasn't feeling particularly concerned about the other kids in a malicious way. I just thought that they may have inadvertantly spoken about something inappropriate while my dd was in the area. Something like that. Because sometimes, as the oldest, you don't realise how young your siblings are IYSWIM.
I think I'll just leave it because we've had the chat about how it's not appropriate to do it around other people, and people shouldn't do such things around her. I am pretty confident that she would now tell me if something happened in the future.

thornrose Wed 20-Jul-11 00:51:27

I understand what you mean and I think you handled it just right.

monoid Wed 20-Jul-11 00:53:56

SchrodingersMew - thanks for the message. I was mostly concerned that she shouldn't be doing things at this age. Nice to know that 8 isn't really young as I originally thought.

SoringchickenGoldBrass - I tried not to freak out and left it a few days before saying anything at all, so I hope I did ok. I don't want her to think she's doing anything wrong, but I was a bit surprised, I didn't think I would have to face this for a few years yet!

monoid Wed 20-Jul-11 00:58:29

Actually thornrose I am still weirder than that, because although someone told me when I was 12, it didn't actually do anything for me at all until I was about 14! Your poor dd, she'll work it out in the end! And thanks for the encouragement. I feel totally out of my depth here. I have never had any sort of conversation with my parents about this sort of thing.

thornrose Wed 20-Jul-11 01:04:23

I never talked to my parents about it either but instinctively knew to do it in private and not get caught! I decided to be much more open when I had children and discuss these things (providing they don't squirm with embarassment smile)
Anyway I must go to bed, can't believe how late it is, night.

monoid Wed 20-Jul-11 01:05:12

Thanks thornrose. Sweet dreams smile

SchrodingersMew Wed 20-Jul-11 01:09:58

Thornrose I was the same in instinctively knowing not to do it around others, funny that.

Monoid You're welcome. smile I don't think you need to worry, after all she will have found out sooner or later and probably better on her own now than possibly when she's older and others tell her. Much more natural.

monoid Wed 20-Jul-11 01:18:55

Probably true, ShrodingersMew. I just wanted someone else's take on it really and was a bit embarrassed to mention it to RL people! I shall stop worrying now smile

Rowgtfc72 Thu 21-Jul-11 17:40:35

Dd is 4 and sits on her duck when shes in the bath because it "tickles". I just said "oh, thats nice". She doesnt tell me anymore just sits there grinning!

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