Bedtime is driving me CRAZY!!!!

[Starxx]

My little man will be six in a couple of months and is just finishing his last week in Reception :)

He drives me mad when its bedtime and Im running out of ideas about how to handle it cos now it just ends in me shouting at him and him going to bed with no story!!

He just plays up! We have cuddly time before bed (the pair of us sit on the sofa and watch tv for a bit) and then we go up, he has a wee, we brush his teeth and give him a wash and then its changed into PJ's, into bed and a story! Thats how its meant to work......

What actually happens is: he wants to be carried upstairs (sometimes I dont mind this depending on how Im feeling etc) but the minute I put him at the top of the stairs he runs off ...doesnt need a wee.... although when I do get him into the toilet he goes for a big long wee. Then its onto the bathroom for teeth and wash but he runs off, ignores what I say, tries to find something else to distract me "mummy look at this light", anything he can think of not to take his clothes off and have a wash etc. When I finally get him into the bathroom for teeth and wash he wriggles around, touches everything he can, clamps down on the toothbrush etc.

Its just one thing after an another and Im sick of it, putting my son to bed is meant to be an enjoyable thing. Ive tried no TV, he doesnt eat or drink too late before hand, he is well prepared about how close bedtime is and we talk through every stage etc but every single night its a battle!!!!

Any advice????? Please!!!!!

Star xx

[Starxx]

I should mention ...

We have reward charts and one of those things is for getting ready for bed etc.

He doesnt have any TV at night times during bedtime routine and only has TV on Friday and Saturday nights.

Once in bed he is generally very very good and stays in his room and goes to sleep very quickly (we're lucky there!).

(Thanks for reading)

Star xx

[cilantro]

Be thankful he goes to sleep quickly and stays in his room. That is the most important thing. The other frustrations sound like normal cheeky behaviour that kids might do off and on during the day. Maybe you could threaten an early bedtime the next day if he acts up or some other loss of priviledge. Frustrating, I know.

[brehon]

I agree with cilantro, you're so lucky he stays in his room and sleeps (once you get him in there). Have you tried switching his routine slightly. How about getting him in his PJs and teeth brushed etc and then have your cuddles and a story. Maybe this might wind him down a bit rather than him so going upstairs won't be too much of a battle.

[Starxx]

Oh I completely agree, he is great once he is in bed and very rarely gets out of it till about 6 the next morning, the odd getting into our bed at two in the morning and if he has a wobbly tooth that bothers him and that's it but yr right, we are very lucky and I'm very thankful for that. :-)

He is being assessed for aspergers and routine is one of his things, we try to keep things the same as much as possible but I have tried amending it slightly to see if its any better but it always end up with the same outcome.

It is more frustration on my part I know and I'm Not expecting him to be perfect, in fact I love that about him that he is cheeky sometimes but not rude, is confident and strong etc but this still has me pulling my hair out.

Thanks for reading...guess I will have to try something else ...maybe a valium for me of course lol

Star x x

[TheProvincialLady]

I'll tell you where you're going wrong - thinking that bedtime is supposed to be enjoyable

If my DS1 tries on this sort of behaviour for more than a night or so, I start putting him to bed half an hour or more earlier than his actual bedtime, and then just ignore all the silliness. I walk away if he messes about with having his teeth brushed, don't pay any attention if he runs about with his pjs on his head etc. He soon gets bored and stops. I wonder if that might work for your son too?

[Meeshamie]

Sounds like my 3 year old! Have you tried offering an extra story if he gets to bed with no fuss? Tell him before the bed time routine starts so he can think about it and if he plays up don't do the extra story but suggest he might get one the next night if he doesn't mess about.

I know you said you do reward charts etc.. but maybe something new might change things...? [hopefully] :)

[OzzieLou]

Hi Star,

I know how frustrating it is - especially at bedtime which as you say could be a really nice time for you both. The only thing I can say is that trying to make more of a game of it might take out the frustration a little. When I know that the peace that comes with small children finally asleep is only a short step away it can make me impatient.

If you don't mind I thought I would add my own problem to this thread. I have a 3 1/2 year old dd who is generally happy, content and well behaved. But bedtime has become terrible!

She will go through the bedtime routine fairly well - teeth, loo, story etc, but when I try to leave the room she goes berserk. She clings onto me until it hurts, pulls at my clothes and gets hysterical. She won't stay in her bedroom or her bed and won't listen to any reasoning. She won't be calmed by my dh at all. The longest this has lasted a night is 2 hours when we repeatedly have to carry her back to her bedroom.

This has been going on for 2-3 months and we are at our wits end - absolutely stressed out to breaking point. So far we have tried:

• Sticker reward chart linked to trip to amusement park - this worked a little until after the trip.
  
• Having music / stories on CD in her room (she can work this herself) - again this has worked for a short while in the past and she does put music on before she eventually goes to sleep.
  
• Telling her that only babies make so much fuss (she is quite proud of being a "big girl" now).
  
• Talking through the bedtime routine and rules during the day when she is calm and (hopefully) listening.
  
• Giving her a special toy to go to bed with (didn't work at all).
  
• Changing bed times - putting her to bed later when she is more tired or earlier so she is not overtired. Doesn't seem to make a difference (we normally put her to bed around 7-7.30).
  

We don't have any other children. I work part time and dh is a full time Dad.

I heard one idea of buying a big toy with lots of accessories (e.g. a farm set with lots of animals/garage with lots of cars) but you only give them the main bit - every time there's no fuss at bed time they get another piece. Has anyone tried this?

Thanks and good luck! Lou

[Starxx]

Thanks for all the advice :)

I must admit I do get impatient so it probably does flare the problem a bit more and a lot of the time, we will try to make it into a fun game but we dont want to get him too over stimulated cos he will then go mental lol but to be honest, sometimes I get fed up of making everything a joke and just want him to do as he is told etc.

I tried the extra story thing last night and it actuallly worked, there was only minor messing around although Im starting to notice that there is less messing around when its shower night but I will definately try it again tonight and see if it works and fingers crossed its not just a one off lol.

OzzieLou, I dont really have any advice for you with your problem but I do remember that my little boy did go through this stage at one point and thankfully he did stop after a while. What helped him was actually a night light...he isnt scared of the dark but this helped him and even now he still uses it. We got a cheap one from ikea in the shape of a half moon and he loved it. We let him put it on at bedtime and when we go to bed we turn it off although when we wake up in the morning it does tend to be back on again lol.

Could you try the night light idea??

Star xx

[OzzieLou]

Hi Star,

Glad to hear the messing is reducing, we are also having a tiny improvement. We had a lovely weekend away which gave us a break from the nightly battle (stayed in a hotel and shared a room so we just went to bed at the same time!). Tonight there was a lot of fuss but it calmed down after about 20 minutes so fingers crossed we can keep it going!

Lou x

[helsbels03]

Hi star,

You mentioned that your son is going through AS diagnosis. Could it be that his playing up has become part of his night-time routine? you could try writing the routine down for him and letting him complete each thing on his own then you come up at the end? Try a timer if he gets distracted. It may take longer but at least you can have a calm night time rather than a battle that leaves you stressed.

Ozzielou, my dd went through this phase too, having a story cd helped her. She is much better now but you have my sympathy, it was awful and I am a wuss, I couldn't bear her going to bed so upset

[notasausage]

I have a 2.5 DD with the same issue. Getting her into bed for a story isn't too much trouble although we do have mucking about with teeth brushing, having a wee etc. As soon as I start to say night night, she's out of bed like an olympic sprinter out the blocks. I have done a combination of ignoring and a threat of withdrawing the favourite treat of the moment if I count to 5. This could be anything from a chocolate biscuit after dinner to no Peppa Pig on the internet or no soft play with DH. I have had to follow through a few times and now she knows I mean business. I have also refused to answer any of her constant stream of questions until she's back in bed and that had an instant result. We have also tried shutting the door to her room which worked to start with but has now become a giant game