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New baby/older brother jealousy

(5 Posts)
Eki1 Mon 18-Jul-11 21:11:38

This is my first time on mumsnet but I've been getting really stressed out over the past few weeks about my DS's behaviour.
I have a new baby(10 weeks) and my DS has suddenly gone from being sweet older brother to green eyed monster. He's clearly very angry with the new situation cos when I BF the baby, he tries to attack him, he won't look me in the eye, he cries and runs to daddy and throw things at me whilst the baby is feeding. He is 2, so may have just hit the terrible twos but I need some advice on how to handle his deteriating behaviour and how to help him manage his anger about this new situation. I am also having difficulty trying not to get angry with him, so far Im gently taking him aside and asking him to kiss his brother/or me to say sorry. He's started behaving badly at nursery as well and pushes other children over. Help!

ceebeegeebies Mon 18-Jul-11 21:23:22

I really feel for you as I went through this aswell and it was a hellish time for us all tbh - it does pass but it really does feel awful when you are in the middle of it sad

Ds1 was 2.4 when DS2 was born and he suddenly changed from being a very happy, smily child to having tantrums, biting DS2, hitting him etc (but on the flip side, he was totally obsessed with him and wanted to be near him all the time and wanted to know where he was etc). DS2 spent a lot of time in a travel cot in the lounge when DS1 was around as it was the only place DS1 couldn't reach his fingers to bite <sigh>...he still threw things in though!

It also seemed to coincide with DS1's sleeping habits going to pot as we had moved him into a bed just before DS2 was born and he refused to stay in it and would be up and down all night (although, in hindsight, i do wonder if this was due to the fact that me, DH and DS2 were all in the same room whilst he was by himself in another room?)

Anyway, I posted on here several times in despair and got lots of responses of 'it passes', 'they will totally love each other' etc etc.....and it is so true. DS2 is 2.7 now and they do completely worship each other and what happened just seems like a bad memory.

I think the usual 'ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good behaviour', would work and just make sure that DS2 is kept out of harm's way as much as you possibly can. I had it slightly easier as I kept DS1 in nursery 4 days a week so me and DS2 could have a lot of 'bonding' time so I didn't feel bad about putting him in the travel cot when DS1 was around. I also tried to make a real effort to spend some 1-2-1 time with DS1 by DH taking DS2 out or me taking DS1 out.

Oops bit of an essay but I clearly remember how bad I felt - I think I was just so upset that DS1 did not totally adore DS2 as much as I did (why would he though??) and used to get really annoyed with him for hurting such a small, helpless baby sad

Karoleann Mon 18-Jul-11 21:25:24

Spend as much time alone with DS1 as you possibly can, take him out at weekends when you're not feeding and really give loads of praise when he's being nice to the baby. I used to stand there with DS1's hand saying stroke - stroke on the babies head! (we're now on DC3)
Putting cbeebies on when you're feeding will diffuse things too.
Did DC2 buy DS1 a present when he came home? That can help too.
Good luck x

Alicious Mon 18-Jul-11 21:42:55

I have recently been through this too-DS1 was 3 when DS2 was born-I came home from the hospital on his birthday to tantrums and projectile vomiting and it was downhill all the way for the first 3 months or so! The only things that helped me were spending time doing 'big boy' stuff with DS1, lots and lots of praise when he was good, and even when I didn't feel like it giving lots of cuddles and reassurance.
DS1 also played up at school-they start young where I live-went from being calm and gentle to a turbulent, over excited whirlwind of emotion. Then it gradually got better as DS1 got to be a super big brother and began to interact with DS2. Now DS2 is 7 months and they play together really well (under pre-emptive close supervision)
The present idea helped too!
I hope things pick up soon-the first few months were really the worst-wait until they start giggling together-you'll feel completely left out!

Eki1 Tue 19-Jul-11 19:35:32

Thanks folks - I think I'll really make an effort to spend time with DS1 this weekend as I think we've got into a pattern where I take care of DS2 and hubby takes care of DS1 cos of BF but it doesn't have to be like that all the time. Its good to remember the "praise the good/ignore the bad" advice as well. Im very relieved to hear that this stage passes, I guess as DS2 gets more interesting to DS1 they'll be able to play together, in fact DS2 is huge compared to his brother so in a few months time I'll be worrying about him being rough with DS1!

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