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(12 Posts)
Geekay Thu 18-Oct-01 09:09:09

Please please help. My 4 year old is the angriest,most voilent and nastiest little boy I can ever imagine. When he is nice he is so lovely-incredibly bright-but most of the time he is hitting,kicking,throwing things and telling us how much he hates us and wants to kill us.
We live on a permanent knife-edge because it takes NOTHING to spark him off. He is very rarely nice for longer than an hour. He has his first play therapy session in a couple of days,and we are waiting to see a community paedeatrician.
Anyone been there? I actually find myself hating my own child sometimes-though I love him more than the world.

Ariel Thu 18-Oct-01 10:01:39

Hi Geekay,It sounds like your going through hell.I have a 6 yr old and he can be a nightmare, although not bad as your situation. We got into the habit of punishing him for bad behaviour and not rewarding him for good.We changed this to a simple star chart and when he reached a certain amount of stars he got a reward,when he was bad he had one removed. This worked really well for us, although if your son has a medical condition it probably wouldnt work.I can only suggest pushing to see a doctor soon.Hope you can get answers soon.

Winnie Thu 18-Oct-01 10:52:16

Geekay, I used to babysit and later mind a boy (and his three siblings!) who sounds very much like your son. If your son has a medical condition sadly, as has already been said, any amount of reward schemes will not help. It is hard for you. I have a friend in a similar position who felt like having an apology tatooed on her forehead her son was so aggressive. Incredibly sadly my friend did not get any help until she had a nervous breakdown! Even the school put it down to a simple discipline problem. Eventually he was diagnosed with aspergers syndrom and since with the proper professional input he has come on in leaps and bounds, and he is now almost unrecognisable from the child he once was. In both of these situations the parents blamed themselves and felt at times hatred for their children and then inevitably guilt. It doesn't help you practically but you are not alone. You are doing the right thing and getting help. Good luck.

Winnie Thu 18-Oct-01 10:56:24

Geekay, I used to babysit and later mind a boy (and his three siblings!) who sounds very much like your son. If your son has a medical condition sadly, as has already been said, any amount of reward schemes will not help. It is hard for you. I have a friend in a similar position who felt like having an apology tatooed on her forehead her son was so aggressive. Incredibly sadly my friend did not get any help until she had a nervous breakdown! Even the school put it down to a simple discipline problem. Eventually he was diagnosed with aspergers syndrom and since with the proper professional input he has come on in leaps and bounds, and he is now almost unrecognisable from the child he once was. In both of these situations the parents blamed themselves and felt at times hatred for their children and then inevitably guilt. It doesn't help you practically but you are not alone. You are doing the right thing and getting help. Good luck.

Robinw Fri 19-Oct-01 08:12:53

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Robinw Fri 19-Oct-01 08:18:52

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Geekay Fri 19-Oct-01 08:35:51

thanks everyone for your comments so far. It helps just knowing that people are interested. my little one seems to be getting worse. There is absolutely no trigger to his outbursts now so I have no warning atall. It is so pronounced and so violent I can only think it must be something medical-something in his little body is flicking his switch.
Should I call the GP and explain we need to see this paediatrician asap? Life seems so calm and normal when he's at school then as it approaches 3 O clock I start worrying!
Anyway thanks guys.

Ariel Fri 19-Oct-01 10:24:15

Geekay.Haveing a disabled child who spends alot of time in hospital i would say you really need to push the doctors to see you asap.I found that conntacting the doctor concerned directly,instead of going through your GP hurrys things along, i had to make a real nuisence of my self by continuelly ringing the specialist untill he saw us.Although my GP is very good ,some are not quick at picking up problems like your sons.You need to have a diagnosis,if there is a medical problem the sooner you know the sooner you are able to give your son the help he needs,good luck!

Robinw Fri 19-Oct-01 20:55:52

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Bexm Mon 22-Oct-01 15:37:05

Have you tried a homeopath ? I know it might sound strange but they can often sort out problems like this and it's safe (unlike some drugs that might get pressed on you...). Good luck!

mummybeck Wed 06-Mar-02 22:38:49

Thank god someone else is goiung throught his too. i thought I was the only person in the world. I have 2 kids aged 4 and 2. My eldest Brandon has been at nursery since September last year and since then we have had to have 4 meetings with the nursery teachers. At nursery he hits, screams, won't share. He hits the teachers and he also swears. He is very aggressive towards saavnnah who is his younger sister.And he also tells me when I ask him why he hits his teachers and Savvy- he replies with " I want to kill them, and I hate them and things like "they are nasty to me". he will go for long periods where he is sweet, angelic everything-the perfect child. Then he will change-out comes the devil in him-the damian side as his dad and me call it)BUT we think we have found the solution. Ever since we moved house and he has had his own room he has had his own tv and video in there. Obviously the only videos we allow him to watch are tweenies, bob the builder and such like. Sometimes I will put him a video on at 7:30 pm and he will fall to sleep whilst watching it. However in the past few months he has been waking up, getting out of bed, getting the remote which is usually hidden in differnt places or is up high. But like most 4 year old he manages to climb up and reach. Then switching something on channel 4 or something. The other night, thinking he was asleep I went in to his bedroom only to find him watching "The sopranos". I went to switch it off and he replied I am watching this. Its the sopranos and I like it. I could not believe it he even knew what the programme was called. And how violent is that. Its full of killings, bad language everything really. So now the tv is removed at night and I am afraid he is left to go to sleep without the tv. Maybe your son like mine is secretly watching things late at night whilst you re alseep. And maybe he is re-acting the things that he is seeing. I have to admit the language is still there sometimes (touchwood- have not heard it for a week or so however)-but the violence towards the teachers and fellow little classmates has diminished. But he is still very nasty towards Savvy or us when he does not get his own way. Take for example after nursery today I allowed him to go on the dreamcast in his room while 1:00pm then I went upto his room and told him lunch was ready and he had to come off the console. his reply was a tantrum and "I hate you and I am going to run off out that front door" and this is all from a 4 year old. So trust me I sypathise deeply and know what you are going through> Hope I have put your mind at rest too that you are not on your own!!

tufty Fri 08-Mar-02 18:57:16

Trust your instinct and if necessary push and push until someone hears what you are telling them. You should not have to cope alone. has the play therapy brought anything to light yet ? YOu may need a psychologist.. there are lots of different reasons why a child may present like this and you''l need to have a v detailed assessment to work yout if its medical/psychological and what you can do to help... don't worry, there are many good solutions to lots of things once the real reason behind it is identified, but it can take time... What do the school think?
good luck...

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