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Managing older child pushing/shoving younger sibling

(11 Posts)
MillyMollyMardy Sun 17-Jul-11 15:35:13

My ds is almost 4 and recently has started shoving, pushing, kicking his younger sister (16 months). It's not very hard but enough to cause her to lose her balance, sometimes to cry. He's not secretive about it but does it in view of us.
When we see it, he gets reprimanded, sent to sit on the step, asked to apologise. Often he refuses to say sorry. He often ends up having a screaming fit which can go on for 40 minutes.Cue me getting cross with him, him going to bed without a story. This often happens at the end of the day probably because he's tired.
There are obviously some elements of jealousy here. I have been trying ignoring him recently so when he does it, send him to sit on the step and telling him I won't speak to him until he apologises. This has had limited success.
I don't feel like any technique we use is effective. He doesn't do this with any other children or at nursery. I have had problems with a friend's older child doing this to my children but we have been avoiding them so he hasn't experienced this recently. Help.

TheSecondComing Sun 17-Jul-11 21:32:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MillyMollyMardy Mon 18-Jul-11 14:21:20

Yep,nothing we seem to do helps. It makes me so sad when they're playing nicely and then... shove. I am now trying outright bribery; every time he does anything even slightly out of line "Don't you want to go to the cinema?"

TheSecondComing Mon 18-Jul-11 15:24:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MillyMollyMardy Mon 18-Jul-11 16:14:10

How about "I'm nearly four and I've suddenly realised I've got competition"

TheSecondComing Mon 18-Jul-11 16:17:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MillyMollyMardy Mon 18-Jul-11 16:25:01

There has to be a reasonable price for a toilet trained 3 year old that sleeps through.
It's not all negative. My dd doesn't say much but when she cries the crying sounds exactly like "iwantmymumee" so my son has taught her

TheSecondComing Mon 18-Jul-11 16:35:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MillyMollyMardy Mon 18-Jul-11 16:41:58

I was glad to be going to work this morning after the weekend.

If only three year olds could be rational and realise they are getting the lion-share of the attention.

UC Mon 18-Jul-11 16:43:41

Ok, what I would do? - Firstly I wouldn't insist on the apology. Instead, I would focus on the fact that the behaviour is unacceptable. So, I'd say something like "DS, I can see you are cross/angry/upset. However, it is not ok to hit/push/knock/pinch DD, so you will need to go and sit on the step for x minutes".

Rather than making him say sorry (which no doubt he doesn't really feel...!), maybe say that he can come back once he's ready to behave in a kind and gentle way.

I would also praise when I saw him acting nicely to DD - so that he gets attention from you by showing good behaviour, rather than bad.

I think it is important to acknowledge his feelings, but to teach that the behaviour is not good. The feelings are ok, but it's how he expresses them that needs to change.

MillyMollyMardy Mon 18-Jul-11 16:51:24

UC that sounds very similar approach to a book a read at a friend's whilst mugging up on my parenting skills babysitting.
Perhaps I am focusing too much on the apology, which isn't forthcoming.
We have been praising the good behaviour but I'll go into overdrive.

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