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At wits end with, only just, 5 year old

(9 Posts)
Broadwalkempire Fri 15-Jul-11 23:38:02

ds just 5. Finishing first year reception. has younger DD of .

He's relatively sociable/happy/active/cheeky etc but on the flip side is prone to bouts of anxiety/clinginess and for eg is usually the one clinging in the playground or I'm that mum who has to stay for parties.

In the last few weeks he is sooooo trying. He whinges at everything why are we walking to school ? Rather than car...moan moan, why is dd on that bit of the sofa, her drink is bigger than mine, I don't want to put my clothes on yet, why can't we do x, I explain in rational voice...moan moan. Get home from school....open back door in hope kids might play.... Why won't you play with me...and so on and so on. bearing in mind that dd just toddles around the majority of the time entertaining herself....Tonight tantrums have stemmed from bath being too hot...said he could skip bath and go straight to bed...wanted cold bath. Bad idea with DD too....ok don't have one, no want one but cold....so on . I try to pick battles...my eg's possibly seem trivial but it is constant. DH and I are in agreement and both are getting miserable about it. Because he is an odd mix of strong willed but v sensitive/clingy I am concerned about how we deal. The more cross we get the more oversensitive he becomes but if you give an inch he eventually wheedles his own way......

help !

mumsiepie Sat 16-Jul-11 00:40:55

Who knows what is going through his mind! Bear with him for a while and remember everything is just a phase!! xx

Cuckoo05 Sat 16-Jul-11 00:50:08

I don't have advice unfortunately but just to say that I have a similar situation. I have a 5yr old too and I think a lot of it is jealousy about the younger ones being at home all day. He wants lots of fuss (if we're on our own together he gets really babyish) and complains that no-one is being nice to him (def not the case). I'm looking forward to the summer holidays so that I can do lots of fun stuff with him and I think the problems will go away (well, until September!). For the time-being though, I'm just trying to be firm but fair to everyone.

BoosMaw Sat 16-Jul-11 01:11:41

Could it be overtiredness? You've pretty much described my 5yo DD, and I've noticed the whining and contrariness gets so much worse when she's tired. Also it's the end of the school year, he could probably do with some 'down time'. I'm just guessing here, but if you could concentrate on getting him to bed a bit earlier, and try to do some special things with him, whatever he likes most, perhaps just more evening stories read together, or just let him wind down by watching a DVD while eating his favourite snacks, and fuss over him a little, this might reassure him, and put him in a good frame of mind?

talktalktalk Sat 16-Jul-11 08:16:46

i can feel your pain with the constant moaning and the fact that nothing is right. i battled my 8 yr old for well...almost 8 years!! now it seem's he's not just an unhappy moaning pain ( i do love him to bit, just making my point of how he can be ) it seems he has autism or possably aspergers. i'm not saying your son may have these problems, but if your conserned go to the doc with him and she can refer you to the best place to help you understand eachother better. i hope that help's and that you can understand my so so bad selling and wording.xx

Broadwalkempire Sat 16-Jul-11 19:44:30

Thanks for the advice....I think the summer holidays will help. Lots of lazy mornings and I've arranged an extra day for DD at nursery (she loves it) so that DS and I can do things we can't do with her.....(or more easily) so he feels he's getting a special day with me....I think some of it is the sibling rivalry thing.....

olivo Sat 16-Jul-11 19:55:02

I feel your pain - this could me my DD, who is a month off five. She sounds exatly the same, sometimes confident but often clingy, behaviour has deteriorated of late and I am fed up if the whinging. She has finished school this week so we are hoping for a vast improvement as she will be spending most of the holidays with me and DD2, and we have very few formal plans.

good luck!

Broadwalkempire Sun 17-Jul-11 08:18:12

Olivo....I work part time and am actually relieved to get a couple of days a week on my own as selfish as that might sound. He'll be with the grandparents those days and one set in particular are brilliant with him and he'll be with them on his own without DD as she'll continue to go to nursery. I dreaded the summer to the extent that I've made a planner of the five weeks (also so I can keep tabs on childcare arrangements)...and have made plans to see friends on at least one day a week. Mostly local so we can just be at each others houses otherwise the summer could be expensive. We've had our family holiday already although I have told DH that he might consider taking some time off to lend a hand if things get tricky....I think it feels more manageable if you all get a change of scenery from each other and DS is getting to the stage where he wants friends to play with.... Hope you manage to sort a few things out even if for your own sanity...and honestly I ended up really enjoying Easter hols more than I thought I would once we'd all calmed down and slotted back into daily family life...

NeverendingStoryteller Mon 18-Jul-11 12:53:14

I've seen this with my two! It got to the point where I realised there was no point arguing with the whine "his sausages are browner than my sausages" - so I took the sausages away and told him that if he wasn't happy with what he got, there would be nothing at all. Tried the same strategy with sofa space and playing and the moaning decreased and has pretty much disappered (occasionally resurfaces - grrrrr!)

Good luck! Don't argue/reason cos they still don't get it completely!

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