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help me with regression please

(6 Posts)
gingergaskell Thu 14-Jul-11 14:02:08

Hit me with your tactics / experiences / encouragement that it's a phase that will pass very quickly, please!

My three year old daughter has never been one to suffer in silence, you might even go as far to say she is quite demanding! She takes boundaries and hits them right out of the ball park.

Her latest is regression. I say latest, she has always had tendencies, but she is in full blown mode at the moment.
For example she:
- Talks in baby talk, well below her actual vocabulary, and refers to herself in the third person as 'baby'
- Makes deliberate baby 'crying' or goo goo noises
- Finds things she can use {like the plug!} to pretend it is her dummy {if only she'd actually taken one as a baby, she wouldn't and never had one!}
- Crawls as much as possible
- Continually wants to be carried / sit on my lap / be fed by me at meal times
- She has regressed completely with potty training {she first trained before 2, so has been trained for some time} and is now constantly deliberately wetting {IE not forgetting to go, but wetting and wanting new pants every 10 minutes or so, if we are at home, so that I need to help her on the loo etc}.
- She also deliberately poos in her night time nappy, before she goes to sleep, so she can be changed like a baby.

I haven't been on at her about being a 'big girl' etc, as obviously that's the problem in the first place, IE not wanting to be.
We've had lots of chats about how she will always be my baby, but it's OK to grow up, and encouragement about all the good things you can do as you get older.

I have made a concerted effort of late to spend as much time as humanly possible with her one on one, but that's created it's own problem, as it's now pronounced when I spend one on one time with my older son {he's 4}, and she's reacting badly to that if she doesn't get sole attention all the time.

I'm frustrated with it in that it's not fair on my son to need to find a way to include my daughter in everything he does.
Also I'm getting no down time myself now, as even the 'quiet time' we used to have where they watched a bit of tele while I caught up online and made phone calls etc, she won't go for.

The main crux {at the moment any way} is that she starts nursery in September. She loves it there, and knows it very well as my son currently goes and I volunteer there etc, but it will be the first time ever she has been independent of me {has not been in any sort of care or even left with family etc very much}, so I totally understand that is a bit overwhelming.
We have a really good induction programme and she already knows that I'll be able to stay with her as long as she wants when she goes, and it will be up to her when I leave her, but it's still the fear of the unknown I guess.

As I said though, she's done these sort of things {just not on such a huge scale} long before going to nursery came onto her radar though, so I think it is too much to hope for that once she finds her feet there, it will all go away.

Any other suggestions?
Another glass of wine!?

What I really need is to work out some better boundaries, but I'm finding that hard to balance, knowing this is her way of expressing she really needs my support, which I still want to make sure she feels she is getting.

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh Thu 14-Jul-11 14:16:56

I haven't been here and you have my sympathies...it sounds draining.

My gut reaction would be to indulge it big time. Turn it in to a game. Go over the top. Involve your ds if possible...he could pretend to be daddy if willing!

Then just hope she works it out of her system and gets over it sharpish!

treesinthebreeze Thu 14-Jul-11 15:56:22

Not so much in the way of advice but my dd did this too. She's now 4.5 and still LOVES to be babied. At the height of it, we did what Moonface suggested and indulged her to a certain extent. We cradled her like a baby in an ott/jokey way, pretended to feed her with a baby's bottle, pretended to change her nappy etc.

I read that's it's quite a common phase and they often regress when they are lerning new skills/moving on - maybe she's feeling a bit more anxious about starting nursery than you realise?

gingergaskell Fri 15-Jul-11 14:31:13

Thanks for your replies, nice to know I'm not alone at least!

messytimemum Fri 15-Jul-11 23:26:52

Hi gingergaskell, have been through all this before with my little ones. I would just go for it, indulge her (after all she is still a baby), and see how things progress. She might love the extra attention, etc, in which case you have your work cut out, or she might hate it and give it all up, in which case you'll get a bit peace and quiet!

FYI mine still love to be babied and they're in primary school! It seems to comfort them when they've had a hard day, or are unwell, etc.

tryingtobemarypoppins2 Sat 16-Jul-11 19:24:56

I think I would go the other way and totally ignore it.......bloody hard though!

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