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If another child gives your child a gift and then 4 days later asks for it back....

(19 Posts)
Marne Wed 13-Jul-11 19:54:34

Not really sure why i am posting (bored and looking for convosation) smile.

On friday at the school fair a child won 3 teddies on the teddy tombola, the child gave one of the teddies to my dd2 who has ASD as a girl as it was one of the characters that dd2 loves. Dd2 is 5 and the older girl is 7 (same class as dd1). Anyway ,today the girl aproached dd1 and asked for the teddy back, dd1 said she got really nasty about it and upset dd1. I told dd1 that 'she can not have the teddy back as she gave it to dd2 as a gift and you dont ask for gifts back' am i wrong? should i just give the teddy back?

I know the mum well and she was there when her child gave dd2 the teddy.

Should i say anything to the mum about her dd asking for it back and upsetting dd1? or should i just leave it and hope she forgets about the bloody teddy? or do i give it back to her?

Sory its not a very exciting thread, nothing major (just kids being kids).

WakeUpRosemary Wed 13-Jul-11 20:16:02

I'd ask the mum about it ,she may have asked the child to get it back.How upset would your dd2 be if the teddy vanished?Can you maybe buy an identical teddy to return so your dd isnt upst-I agree-just kids grin

Marne Wed 13-Jul-11 20:18:22

The mum was there when she gave it to my dd2, she asked her if she was sure she wanted dd2 to have it and the child said 'yes'. Dd2 wouldn't be upset if i gave it back, just thought it was not the done thing to ask for a gift back grin? but yes, they are kids.

alarkaspree Wed 13-Jul-11 20:21:22

It depends whether your dd2 would be upset or not if you gave it back I think. If she would, then speak to the mum and say 'dd1friend gave dd2 the teddy but has now asked dd1 if dd2 would give it back but she has become completely devoted to it so do you mind if we don't?'. If dd2 wouldn't care, then I'd just give it back. Technically you shouldn't have to return a gift, of course, but it's not worth arguing the point if it's not that important to your dd2.

Northernlurker Wed 13-Jul-11 20:22:17

It's not right to ask for the gift back and I wouldn't give it back. Other child sounds a little odd tbh and she should learn that she should only give away what she can afford to do without and that asking for things back and upsetting people by doing so is jolly close to manipulation and bullying.

thisisyesterday Wed 13-Jul-11 20:24:24

i wouldn't rush to give it back, the mum might be mortified if she knew her daughter had asked for it back... she may well know nothing about it.

i am torn between thinking that the older child needs to learn a lesson in giving presents and not asking for them back afterwards (esp as she was asked if she was sure) and thinking that she's only young herself and it wouldn't hurt to give it back...


PaperBank Wed 13-Jul-11 20:32:16

I don't think you should give it back.

MerryMarigold Wed 13-Jul-11 20:34:36

I would talk to the girl, if you know the family. I would say, "Dd1 says you want your teddy back. Is that true?". If she says, "Yes". Then I would ask why she gave it to your dd2 in the first place and why she wants it back. Interesting just to find out and make the girl think rather than just giving it back (also she will think a bit harder if it is coming from someone other than her Mum)...Then would gently point out that next time she really needs to think before giving something away, but say of course she can have it back. Seems like she does need a bit of a talk. If you think the Mum would be ok with you having direct contact. If not...err dunno.

pointydog Wed 13-Jul-11 20:43:09

I'd tell my dd to give it back without a fuss. I'd tell her that the older girl was silly to give it away if she was going to ask for it back and I'd advise dd that there was always a chance that someone would ask for something back again.

I'd then buy her a little treat.

pointydog Wed 13-Jul-11 20:43:38

I wouldn't call it a gift.

Hulababy Wed 13-Jul-11 20:52:37

But if the mum was there and made sure her DD was sure when she was giving it to the OP's dd1 - then surely that is a gift?

TBH for the sake of the DD1 who is getting the briunt of it I would probably give it back. However, as the OP knows the mum I would return it to the mum, not the child, explaining that her child had asked for the gift back at school.

pointydog Wed 13-Jul-11 20:56:39

It's the sort of thing that kids do. It's annoying but it happens. I wouldn't involve me or the other mum, it's a kids thing.

Marne Wed 13-Jul-11 21:12:46

pointy, i can explain to dd2 why or that the girl wants it back as my dd has Autism and severe communication issues sad. TBH i am tempted not to give it back, mainly because i know the child well and she has been horrid to my dd1 several times including in our house when she has been over to play, both dd's are leaving the school next week so hopfuly wont be seing the girl again (even though the mother wants to stay in touch), her mum would be mortified to hear that her daughter has asked for it back because she is one of these parents who thinks there child can do no wrong. I have told dd1 to say that 'its not nice to ask for a gift back' but if she keeps moaning about it then i will give the teddy to the mother and explain what has happened and that she's welcome to have it back grin.

yearningforthesun Wed 13-Jul-11 22:01:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits Wed 13-Jul-11 22:07:48

I said the same to my DCs as my mother always said to me 'if a friend gives you something don't take it they will want it back.'

thebeansmum Fri 15-Jul-11 13:17:27

Have to agree with northernlurker - this has happened in the past with one of my ds and his bf - the bf gave him some bloody pokemon or similar cards and asked for them back in front of their mutual friends the next day. It was done in a manipulative and one-upmanship way and the bf can be very controlling. It's not a big deal, but do keep an eye on it, that's all I would say.

thebeansmum Fri 15-Jul-11 13:18:51

Sorry, just read about both girls leaving schools soon, so hopefully you won't have to keep an eye on it, like I said in my last post!

Eveiebaby Fri 15-Jul-11 20:53:12

No I wouldn't give it back. The other child has to learn that she cannot give something away and then ask for it back.

naturalbaby Fri 15-Jul-11 21:02:59

If the other girl had given away a much loved toy that she had owned for years then I would say give it back but she only owned it for a few minutes did she? What does the other girl's mum say? if she doesn't know anything about it then I would keep it, the girl obviously doesn't want it back that much if she hasn't involved her mum to get it back for her.

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