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Purpose of Tantrums

(12 Posts)
Lovemy2babies Fri 08-Jul-11 20:32:33

Origionaly I thought my DD1 - who is now 3, tantrumed becuse she was frustrated with not being able to communicate, but now that she is 3 and very articulate I began to think if it as bad behaviour.

I now wonder if it's due to an emotional release as I notice she is much calmer and relaxed after a tantrum.

Does that make sense to anyone or anyone else have any ideas?


Iggly Fri 08-Jul-11 20:34:15

I thought it was an emotional thing - where they can't express how they feel and so flip out.

hefferlump Fri 08-Jul-11 20:37:40

I have been known to get a proper strop on when I feel unable to express how I feel about something ;-)

Iggly Fri 08-Jul-11 21:02:19

Me too grin

Lovemy2babies Fri 08-Jul-11 21:08:06

ok - so mn is going for lack of emotional communication.
How do I help DD verbally communicate her emotions?

Iggly Fri 08-Jul-11 21:12:18

You're supposed to label her feelings. So if she's upset/hungry/tired/angry etc you say to her "you're upset/hungry/tired/angry" etc. Do this every time - then she'll be able to make the connection and have a way of telling you. Ok this won't resolve it over night but it'll make her feel understood.

GreenTeapot Fri 08-Jul-11 21:16:44

I also think it's developmental. Sometimes they have feelings they simply cannot begin to contain, let alone identify, control or direct. As they get older they learn more about managing their emotions and also they get angry a bit less (eg they know that although I said no to curry for breakfast I will probably make it for dinner, and it's really not worth losing the plot about it!).

JarethTheGoblinKing Fri 08-Jul-11 21:16:57

What Iggly said.

The other reason is attention wink

Rosebud05 Fri 08-Jul-11 21:18:27

Deffo an emotional release with my dd who's now 4 and is still (rarely) capable of losing it.

In addition to giving her words for her feelings and helping her to feel accepted, some of it is just time as kids develop ways of managing their strong feelings as they grow and develop. There'll also be less periods in the day when she's tired as she gets older etc.

Generally, asking questions ie 'are you angry?' isn't helpful whilst statements like 'sounds like you're really angry' are better.

monkoray Fri 08-Jul-11 21:19:40

what Iggly said - it is explained really well in "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk"

Lovemy2babies Fri 08-Jul-11 21:51:14

Will start labelling her emotions.
To be honest I'm also getting annoyed at her when she tantrums.
I need to get that book 'how to talk..." it's always recommend on mn.

Rosebud05 Fri 08-Jul-11 22:53:32

Do get it - it's great.

Penelope Leach describes tantrums as a sort of emotional short fuse which the child just can't control at the moment. It helped me to see dd's tantrums like this (especially the LOOOOOOOOOOONG ones) as I realised that I just needed to let her work it through rather than 'do' anything.

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