DS loves hair, a little too much(11 Posts)
DS, age 3 and a half, likes stroking my hair. DD got a doll for her birthday with thick long hair that he fondles for ages. Today he was stroking the doll, and he had an erection.
He has once tried to stroke someone's hair in a restaurant. Luckily we stopped him just in time.
So, he is obviously rather stimulated by hair. Do I put a stop to it? I feel like I should take away the doll.
What do you think?
I can understand your unease with this but I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it. Lots of children have these sort of stimulating behaviours (my sister used to suck tags and groan - very odd!) and they're just a comfort thing. The main thing would be to teach him that it's ok to do it to you if he asks permission (as long as you're ok with it) and to do it to the doll but everyone else is off limits. Be very firm on that without making him feel embarrassed. Tiny babies get erections, it's just physiological response so it's nothing sexual really and as long as he knows the boundaries and sticks to them it'll be fine. He'll probably grow out of it quickly enough.
DD is a hair stroker, always has been. We had to keep her hair short when she was younger (now nearly 5) as she always got her fingers tangled up in it. She also will stroke anyone's hair, she regularly ends up stroking the hair of the person stood next to her whether she knows them or not. Can be quite disturbing for some people, but other children don't seem to mind too much! We've just about curbed that now but it's an ingrained thing. If I creep in her room while she's sleeping and give her a goodnight kiss she'll sense someone's there and her hand will automatically come out to stroke my hair. Very odd. As she's gets older she's realising more that some people don't like it and she's curbing her instinct slowly.
Obviously we don't have the erection issue but I wouldn't necessarily associate one thing with the other. From my understanding (don't have any boys) that's quite normal. As WoD says, he'll probably grow out it eventually.
Agree with writer.
I am a hair twiddler.
He has to know that touching his dolly is fine. but touching anyone elses without permission is not o.k.
I don't know what else to suggest.
But atleast that would avoid most embarrassments.
Thanks for your replies. I guess I feel a bit uncomfortable with it because he likes to feel hair swishing in his face, so he sticks his face in my hair and then all I can hear is his breathing, which sounds like heavy breathing! Bless him.
Yes, teaching boundaries is probably the way forward, although none have been overstepped as yet. I should stop him touching my hair without asking first I suppose.
My son used to be a shoe sniffer. He also stroked random people's bums, arms etc. Depending on what was at his height. He was just being loving. They learn boundries, so just stick at it.
Best time was in a que at supermarket and ds patted the bottom of the lady in front. Lady turned round looking directly at me like I had done it!! Said women was my MIL
My DS is 18 months and loves playing with hair and he sucks his thumb whilst doing it as well. Really hope it doesn't last until he's 3 though.
I try to stop him as sometimes he really pulls, but it's hard at this age. Maybe I should be consistant with the way I react, but also it comforts him and when he's had a tantrum, just letting him play with my hair is just easier.
Maybe I should find him a comforter instead.
I think what really made me feel a bit freaked out was DS's massive erection! DS also still has a dummy to go to sleep and a muslin that he fondles, so he is not short of comforters either.
I am not so bothered when DD sticks her hand down my top and starts scrabbling around in my cleavage. That's just annoying.
My DS (3) is also a hair fiddler while sucking his thumb. He has been since he was a tiny baby. He loves peoples hair, dolls hair and stuffed animals that are fluffy. I have never noticed if he has an erection or not.
DD (7) likes stroking the tags on clothes, teddies etc whilst sucking her thumb. Obviously a genetic things as DH used to like feeling ladies legs who had tights on when he was younger and DS now goes up to random women and feels their legs if they have leggings on.
I called round to a friends house this week and another friends was just leaving... her little boy wouldn't get in the car without being allowed to stroke ds2's hair first He often follows him around fondling his head like a puppy and ds2 isn't a bit bothered (he has long soft fluffy hair which is admittedly very strokable)
I wouldn't worry, at that age they're still babies really, learning about the world through textures and sensations and if they find one they like they can get quite obsessive. My ds2's is fiddling with keys... he's lost loads of our internal house keys by carrying them around with him.
My DS is a hair stroker too. DD1 was obsessed with mine till her's grew long enough, then she transferred her affection. She grew out of it when she was about 5 i think.
DS (21m) likes to stroke mine to fall asleep. It can get very wearing especially as he'll only settle for me if he wakes in the night!
I still fiddle with mine when i'm engrossed in something and i'm 31
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.