13 year old girls

[LizinFrance]

Hi everyone,

Need some advice please. DD1 is nearly 13, and right now she is in her room, been told to spend the afternoon there without her phone, which I have taken off her!!! She has always been very impatient, which often results in her being rude and very negative to us, or her siblings. She also has trouble stopping herself - we tell her to stop argueing/beng rude/go to her room etc, and she just goes on and on and on. On the whole tho she is very good, and this is our only real problem with her, and it doesnt happen all the time. Anyway, we have tended to ingore this behaviour (which I know we should have stamped down on it long ago), but now it is getting much worse, and I'm pretty sure its hormone related, and that we are going to be in for a pretty rough ride with her over the next year or so. So.....after a lot of waffling, I guess my question really is how should deal with it? Part of the behaviour is, i guess, our fault as we have not dealt with it correctly, and a part is the 'normal' teenage girl hormonal problems! Help pleeeease........

Many thanks,

Lz
PS Have 2 littlies that are intent in watching these 'battles' and I am very aware how much they are learning!!!

[LizinFrance]

Bump................please x

[pointydog]

You are not giving specific enough examples.

She goes on and on and you think she becomes rude. More detail needed. Rude how?

[pointydog]

Very common to go on and on, by the way. Completely unable to see anyone else's point of view if it concerns them in any way whatsoever.

[febel]

my (just) 14 yr old is the same..I have to say her two elder sisters WEREN'T like this. She upsets all of us and blows up at everything and seems totally unable to see she may be in the wrong. She lies to get out of trouble, or just lies anyway. This morning she blew up at me saying how rubbish her "gathering" (not allowed to call it a party) is going to be cos only 2 pple were coming (she invited 5) but as she didn't invite until this last Wednestday for this Saturday she's lucky 2 can come! I'd booked pizza hut etc, and the party is at least a week after her bday cos she couldn't decide what to do...unless it cost over £100. We didnt' spend loads on the elder 2 after 12 (except for special birthdays like 18) so I don't see why we should for her. She is driving us insane and I have now developed IBS I am so stressed with it all. What can I do...i try not to argue but on the other hand I am the parent and she needs to know that..but she doens't shen she is "in one"..she argues, and insults and shouts. Even her grand parents are thinking she is out of order, esp cos of what she is doing to our family..and that is wrong. I feel stupid cos she's only 14 and my 3rd child but I don't know how I should be coping with it, despite reading teenage childcare books etc! Help?!

[bruffin]

I have a 13yr old dd. I found the best way of dealing with her is not engaging or arguing with her when she is in a mood, it just gives her something to feed off of.

[Butterbur]

What Bruffin said. The more aerated DD (13) gets, the calmer I try to be. Even if I don't feel it, I act it. Otherwise we rev up like a helicopter taking off.

Also, I NEVER let the smallest piece of rudeness go unchallenged, and nobody slings insults in our house. Anyone who is out of control has to go up to their room until they calm down, and are fit to join the rest of us.

[LittleMilla]

I am now obviously a grown up (!), but I was a HIDIOUS teenager.

Have to agree about keeping your cool. My mum would get really wound up with me (and I see he do it now with my 15 y/old SS) and it just fuels the fire. I'd chastise her about it (I really was a little cow) and it was almost like a weak spot - I knew how to push her buttons.

Also, try to talk to her when things are calm. Perhaps use the LOs as the reason for the chat - say that you don't want to upset them (don't say anything about them 'learning' her behaviour). Ask HER how you can work through this - she's likely to be feeling very isolated and frustrated too. Her hormones are all over the shop and she's in a very hard place between being a little girl and wanting to be grown up.

She'll also know that she's being a cow bag. So don't mollycoddle too mcuh, her behaviour is unacceptable. But best to try and talk about when calm, rather than in heat of a row.

But keep your cool - it means you stay in control.

[bruffin]

To be honest we had a situation last night with DS 15. He want's to camp out on the local common overnight with friends. We are usually quite liberal with him but we are uncomfortable about this. He has been trying to push it for a few weeks now and I think wants to make it a weekly event as some of his friends are doing it already.
Told him it's not happening. He is not happy about it and was grumpy and moody.
He was still up watching a film on the pc in the dining room when I went to bed. I knew that if I made him go to bed then it would add to his feeling of injustice, so left him to it. I don't know what time he went to bed, but this morning he got up early and was happy and almost apologetic. Not sure if we have heard the end of it though!

[febel]

thank you all, will try and stay calm..trouble is i always want everyone to be happy but boy does she know how to press my buttons and be hurtful...hleps tho i know am not the only parent in this situation