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Wees & Poos - Issues developing with 3.4 yr old daughter

(3 Posts)
Elmosong Tue 28-Jun-11 20:39:46

I'm concerned and exasperated.

I started potty training my daughter 9 months ago when she was just over 2.5yrs. She took to wees quite well at the beginning but a pattern started developing which now seems completely entrenched. She holds her wees for hours on end (7 hours is the day time record so far) and has only once, right at the start, managed a poo in the potty - it HAS to be in a nappy.

She goes to nursery 3 mornings a week and has only once done a wee in the loo there, so when I go to collect her she is bursting and uncomfortable. It affects her behaviour as she sometimes sits for hours on a chair wriggling and not joining in with anything. Part of the problem at nursery seems to be that she is incredibly private about it and doesn't like other children or adults to be in the vicinity. I have no idea where that came from.....

She only very rarely tells me she needs a wee or a poo and even when it is clear that she needs one she tells me she doesn't and gets cross and agitated. I have tried everything from bribing with smarties (which worked with wees for a while but no longer) ignoring and going at her own pace, sitting with her and reading.....and I have to admit, on a couple of occasions have lost my cool and shown my stress. She has never done a wee or poo with anyone other than me or my husband helping her even though she is close with other family members...

The problem seems to be getting worse and now she doesn't want to poo at all. I have tried to take the approach that she will just get there in her own time, which I suppose she will, but I'm worried now, as it doesn't seem to be going in the right direction. She is very stubborn but more worryingly I think is becoming very anxious about it.

Any suggestions or reassurance would be really appreciated.


Milco Wed 29-Jun-11 12:36:52

Hi Elmosong

Only have my phone with me reception not great as on holiday but didn't want your post to go unanswered. Your dd has a lot in common with my ds - now 3.5. We had similar issues with poos only in nappies - he asked for one when he wanted to poo. And also with holding on to wees at preschool - to point of accident - because he 'didn't like the toilets at preschool'. It caused a lot of stress but I am pleased to say that things have got a lot better - now fully out of nappies in the day and asks to go/ takes himself off at home and preschool.

I hugely sympathise with you. It perhaps doesn't sound such a bit thing when you are not in the situation yourself but I found it very difficult indeed. But you will come through it. And perhaps sooner than you think. I think the breakthroughs came about 2 mths ago - first poos on the potty/toilet then the preschool thing.

Have you tried looking/posting on the potty training board too btw?

Difficult to be specific without knowing more about your dd. And tbh I still don't know what really did it with ds but things which seemed to help/ might help your dd include: not getting stressed - much easier said than done!; agreeeing to buy him a specific toy of his choice when he a) started using the toilet for poos and b) weeing in the preschhol loos; latchulose syrup to male sure he could pass the poos easily (I think constipation was a bit factor); lots of reassurance about the preschool loos; visitng them together; agreeing with the keyworker what the agreed strategy was

I think with preschool the desire to be independent clashed with fear of the cubicles and other people about so helping him to be able to manage the process on his own helped too.

Sorry I've got to go now but hope this might be of some use. Remember you are not alone. Will check in again tonight.

Elmosong Thu 30-Jun-11 20:13:26

Hi Milco

Thanks for your reply and useful tips..good to hear your ds has cracked it! I guess it's just a really emotive, complicated issue for some little ones - it's just hard to fathom why as there are no obvious reasons, and it's distressing to see her getting so upset about it. Anyway, I'll check out the potty training board and try the syrup and bigger bribes!

Thanks again, have a lovely holiday.

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