Advice please- toddlers are maniacs(7 Posts)
My sons are driving me mental! My youngest ds2 is 2 and 4months, he screams when he does not get his own way and gets very frustrated. DS1 is 4 in a week. The summer holidays have started here and the toddler group ds2 goes to has told me that if I dont get him under control over the summer then he cannot come back. He's a bit of a thug and likes to scream constantly and hit the other kids and sometimes bite them. Both the boys have went through stages like this but the screaming is getting too much for them. I can understand why- I cannot lose this toddler place though as its the only respite I have from the boys.(no family nearby)
ds2 is just super cheeky, doesnt listen to anything I say, constantly jumps all over the sofa,leaps off chairs, and is generally disobedient. I know all kids are like this at some point but I feel as though this is out of control! They dont take me seriously at all and I know I need to toughen up but I GENUINELY don't know where to start. They shout constantly and run about like maniacs and I feel like the walls are coming in on me. I'm just so exhausted all the time.
What do I do? Where so I begin? I keep watching episodes of supernanny and I feel overwhelmed. Has anyone else experienced this and if so can you give me some direct pointers on where to begin??I need to get tough on them I think but need a pep talk! HELP PLEASE- I'm losing my mind!!
so sorry you are going through this - are you on your own with them? You sound rather alone in this. Mine are still little, though DS1 has just started having tantrums so no real advice from experience to offer but it sounds like you know what you have to do. How about planning out a week's worth of stuff that you want to do with them but that you CAN cancel/ back out of/ go home early from if they misbehave and follow through on threats to do so. My friend who has a four year old says it helps to just focus on them if they have a tantrum in public, forget anyone who may or may not be watching and don't be afraid to just pack up and go home. From what I've seen, if you can brace yourself for a really tough few days, you will reap the benefit from then on. best of luck.
It doesn't have to be like this - you can get a grip on it and get back in control. You may still have the odd tantrum, but this shouldn't be the norm.
My advice would be:
1. Routine. For everything for the moment. Do the same things at the same time each day. No negotiation, just simple, calm routine. Then they know exactly what is expected of them, and far less chance to argue;
2. Be consistent. Set out some basic ground rules (No climbing on the furniture/no hitting etc) and stick to them. Use whatever works as a carrot to encourage (sticker chart/jar of marbles that they lose for breaking a rule and gain for bad behaviour), but the important thing is to be consistent;
3. Expectations. EXPECT them to behave and tell them so. Don't assume that they will be naughty sometimes because they are children, expect them to be gorgeous, lovely and kind;
4. Love them and spend time with them. Lots of good play, games, reading, cuddles, basically enjoy their company. In my experience, if you give them half an hour decent attention, they are far more likely to give you half an hour's break by amusing themselves.
Hope that doesn't sound too much like a lecture, it's not meant to be. Just trying to think out loud how I handled my two boys. xxx
I agree with sits. Routine is the key to it all - don't get me wrong, sometimes I find my dd exasperating! Work out a daily plan and stick to it. Plus maybe leaving the housework etc for a couple of days while you concentrate on playing with your dcs.
Another important thing to do every day is to get out of the house, even itf it is just to the local shop or to post a letter. Maybe over the summer hols, a daily trip to the playground or local park would help get rid off excess energy! How about meeting up a with other Mums at the park rather than at home?
My dd loves to bake - messy but very worth it when she can eat the end product! Painting outside is a fab idea - even if it is only with a paintbrush and water. Letting them plant cress in eggshells, or making mud pies.
Libraries normally have things on over the hols too - sometimes a nice cuddle with a story is a lovely way to spend time with them.
Don't forget yourself - give yourself a few treats to look forward to!
DS1 has started being rather horrid too so I understand where you are coming from. In particular he is pushing (and occasionally hitting) his peers. I have started talking to him about it every night at bedtime and before we leave the house in the morning. Just basic stuff, "I'd like you to be gentle today. No pushing or hitting because it hurts people and makes them sad". Slight improvement today, he still pushed, but only gently!
I think that hearing the same guidelines over and over again will drum them into him. I also think that having these conversations when we are both calm and relaxed makes all the difference, normally we only talk about bad behavior immediately after it has happened when we are both upset.
I agree with Miranda though - have some treats for yourself too. The calmer and happier you are the more likely your boys will be the same. And if they're not, you're in a better place to deal with it all.
Thanks for all the advice. been on the internet looking for activites to do over the holidays. Ive made a plan/ routine to do most days leaving a few lazy days.. and also i've decided to head to my mums in wales(im in scotland ) for a few days. Im pretty much on my own with this. DP works 7 days a week and I have little family support.(babysitting once every six months or so) Also have spoke with dp regarding behaviour. He's a lot softer on them than i am as he hardly ever sees them. So we had a good chat yesterday and have decided we need to be more consistent with them. I know I need to do it..i just need to run at it and attack it head on instead of fits and starts!
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