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Problems making friends

(10 Posts)
awaywiththepixies Mon 27-Jun-11 23:30:28

My 9 year old son has had problems recently having been bullied both in school and out. The friends that he does have out of school won't play with him in school because they're "not allowed" by their other friends in school who don't like my son. He has gone from being fairly confident to having no confidence and today asked me "why do people take an instant dislike to me?" I have always had problems making friends and honestly don't know how to help him. Any advice please?

MumblingRagDoll Tue 28-Jun-11 00:05:20

Have you spoken to the school about this? Exclusion is bullying....ask them what their policy is and how they aregoing to hep your son. Poor's awful when this kind of things goes on.

babuda Wed 29-Jun-11 12:04:15

I am a working mom and my son stays with my mother in law. she is good care taker for my son, but we two are extremely different in nature. whenever i am at home my son does not go to her. He enjoy with her but at a time behave odd - like saying go go to her or i will hit you now ( without any reason) but after few minutes he forgets and play with everyone. but this behavior hurt us and create misunderstanding between us that i teach him all stupid things. Please advise me.

babuda Wed 29-Jun-11 12:42:16

will I get an advise on the question asked?? or the member will give their opinion??

mrsruffallo Wed 29-Jun-11 12:45:28

babuda- youn need to start your own thread. Click on 'topic' and then on 'creae a thread' on this topic. Best of luck.

mrsruffallo Wed 29-Jun-11 12:47:36

Sorry, bad avise. Just click 'start new thread in this topic' which is written just uner the thread title

mrsruffallo Wed 29-Jun-11 12:50:47

Poor little thing. I agree that you need to speak to the school, although that can be frustrating in itself. You need to demand they build relationships and stop the excluding. Explain to him that it is not his fault and that it is the other boys behaviuor that has to change not his. Are there any girls he plays with?

lingle Wed 29-Jun-11 13:54:42

away with the pixies - as well as Mrsruffallo's advice, I strongly recomend buying the book "The Unwritten Rules of Friendship". Apart from anything else, it will help you see this as skills he has to learn rather than an awful gut-wrenching history-repeating-itself thing that you can't do anything about.

do speak to school too though.

babuda Thu 30-Jun-11 11:45:04

Thank you mrsruffallo - I have successfully created my new thread. in the same topic - behavior and development you can go through the subject line 2.6yr behavior. based on my experience with my son can you write something??

Doodlez Thu 30-Jun-11 11:56:41

Pixies, my 8 year old DD went through a phase like this - the year 3 Queen started to throw her weight around, dictating which children could join the game and which children were not allowed. My DD was told she couldn't be friends with XYZ because...<insert spurious reason here>. Also, the alpha child told my DD if she didn't break friends with a child she knew outside school, DD couldn't be her friend at school!

I'm not one for interferring with childrens friendships too much but this was becoming a headache, so I did speak to the teacher. The teacher was able to establish that this exclusion was widespread and she managed to put a halt to it using a number of different approaches including talking to the kids at cirlcle time, talking to alpha child on her own to understand her motivation etc.

The other children are now better placed to disagree with exclusion when they see it and to make sure the child being singled out that day is not left out.

Please just ask your DS's teacher for help with this.

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