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2yr old discipline issues

(6 Posts)
MeelooMouloo Thu 23-Jun-11 21:55:40

DD is 2 yrs 6 mths, very articulate & intelligent, can easily have a reasoned discussion with her. She is well socialised and popular with both staff & children at her nursery.
I believe in positive discipline, within reason I try to ignore the bad stuff & only shout if it's something really significant & potentially dangerous. DH however, more old school, more inclined to smack first which we have had long discussions about. He shouts all the time, mealtimes have become a battle ground when he is at home.
When I have talked to him about this he calls my ideas "hippy bullshit". As you can imagine it's a constant cause of conflict.

His most recent issue is that DD will come to me for comforting after he has chastised her & will get a hug. I will reinforce what he has said but am happy to give her cuddles whilst I'm doing so. He is very angry about this & feels it undermines him. He will now shout that I am NOT to give her any hugs after he has told her off, to the point where he will make her sit on the sofa & not move until he feels a sufficient amount of time has passed.

I am really not happy with this & have refused to do it. So where do we go from here? Have been arguing about it now for weeks & cannot some to an acceptable compromise. Any thoughts/ideas?

greenshoot19 Thu 23-Jun-11 22:16:31

oh gosh, that does not sound like fun sad I don't agree with how your DH has gone about it but I can understand why it might seem like to him its 2 against 1. Does he think its OK for him to hug her after he's told her off at any point? A hug after telling off doesn't say 'oh i'm only joking, ignore my telling off' it says 'i still love you even though you've not behaved nicely'. Maybe you could encourage him to give her a hug (and even explain this whist hugging if he felt he needed to) and he wouldn't feel so threatened? it would also help your DD not to associate him with just telling off. i really hope you can reach a compromise you're both happy with. best of luck!

mumsiepie Thu 23-Jun-11 22:28:57

Are you with her most of the time? If so you could say you think he should back off the discipline front for consistency.

Tell him if he shouts at her she will end up, soon, shouting at him and others. If he smacks her she will soon end up hitting others. She is like a sponge and will copy everything.

I must say I don't like a grown man shouting and smacking a two yr old. There are so many ways of showing her how you want her to behave. Agree with all greenshoot said.

Octaviapink Fri 24-Jun-11 07:28:35

My father used similar disciplining methods and had no idea how to communicate effectively with my brother or I growing up - I haven't spoken to him for seventeen years and have no wish to - he has no idea he has two grandchildren. I think your DH needs to read some child development books and learn some new methods. After all - 'discipline' actually means 'teach' - not punish.

Roo83 Fri 24-Jun-11 08:38:02

Me and dp have different ideas on discipline. I try to talk to him but like you he thinks I'm too 'airy fairy'. In the end we've come to the agreement that if I start something I will be the one to finish it and visa-versa. So if I he puts ds in time out, it is him that decides when it's done. It's tough because I feel sorry for ds but at least that way they get consistency from each parent separately

Lexiejack Fri 24-Jun-11 18:48:25

Have u tried hugging her after the time out has finished and she's apologised? That's what we do that way DS accepts he has done something wrong yet knows we still love him

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