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DS (2.5 years) aggressive behaviour - feeling isolated

(4 Posts)
nikster76 Thu 23-Jun-11 17:06:07

Hi , hope somebody can give me advice. I have a lovely 2.5 year old son who is normally bright, chatty, funny and full of energy. However we have a real problem with sharing and generally being around anyone of a similar age to him. The first ten minutes are okay but soon after his behaviour will deteriorate to the point where he will hit, kick and punch his playmate simply because they are showing an interest in the same toys as him. I remove him from the situation, tell him clearly that the behaviour is wrong and repeat as necessary but we often end up leaving early or canceling the visit because it is no fun for anybody.

I know that this is within the range of general 'normal' toddler behaviour but it happens everytime we are with someone and has been going on for over a year. The end result is that I have stopped inviting my friends with children round and I have stopped meeting them socially out and about as I cannot relax in this situation. I am starting to feel increasingly isolated.

To give you some context, I have just had another baby who is 7 weeks old which could explain his behaviour but he has been like this for well over a year. Also he goes to playgroup two mornings a week and I receive glowing reports about his behaviour. He went to nursery for a full year and a half and there were absolutely no issues with his behaviour. He is brilliant and comfortable playing with other adults and his favourite thing is to play with me or my husband. But he is quite demanding and wants our constant attention and for us to play with him all the time.

In a way, by removing him from the situation, I wonder if I am giving him what he wants? - my full attention again. I am quite cool with him once the visitors leave or we depart and I definitely don't reward him with my attention or playing together. TBH he doesn't seem bothered that we are leaving or that he is put in his room on his own for a few mins.

I know this is a phase and he won't be like this forever but i could do with some advice about how best to handle this as I am feeling increasingly isolated in the house alone with a demanding toddler and a newborn.

Thanks for reading.

hazeybabes Thu 23-Jun-11 20:25:53

Don't know if this will help but perhaps when you see him going to be aggressive start to play with the other child and include your son in the play then, when the play pattern is established, move away. In other words, teach him how to play with others. (Although it's interesting that he is fine at playgroup and nursery.) Is it just his own toys that he is possessive over? In which case maybe have some sharing toys that only come out when other children visit. Perhaps tell him that these particular toys really like it when people share and get upset when people don't. You are definitely right about one thing though . . . all this will pass! (make it your mantra)

nikster76 Thu 23-Jun-11 20:55:09

Thanks Hazeybabes, thats really useful. i haven't really thought about the need to teach him how to play with other children. I pretty much always feel quite tense and stressed that he is going to strike out so it might help me also to focus on something else.

petaluma Thu 23-Jun-11 21:00:52

no advice, I'm afraid. Just want to say that my ds, although a little younger, is exactly the same. I am giving playgroups and playdates a miss for a while, leaving all that to his childminder!


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