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DS 15 months cries more with me??

(7 Posts)
WishIwasatWorthyFarm Thu 23-Jun-11 10:38:16

First ever post, here we go ...

My lovely DS is noticeably more upset and whiney in my presence. This has been noticed by DP, in laws and my mum. He can be playing happily with one of them, then I walk in the room and he starts crying. Or if it's just the two of us, he just seems to look at me and start crying !

I suppose I am not looking for a solution, more to see if anyone has experienced this also. Obviously it doesn't make me feel very happy ... I would say I am not the most calm of people sometimes and I just feel paranoid my presence upsets him. DP tries to explain by saying DS feels more able to complain to his mummy but I think he is just trying to be nice ...

monkoray Thu 23-Jun-11 11:20:46

Does he cry and reach for you for comfort or does he cry and shy away from you wanting comfort from the other adult in the room?

WishIwasatWorthyFarm Thu 23-Jun-11 11:43:30

He doesn't really go to the other adult in the room if I am there, and yes he does probably look to me more when I am there. Just generally becomes more pathetic and cryey in my presence - can't help feeling that I upset him by being there sometimes

monkoray Thu 23-Jun-11 12:26:04

If he's looking to you for comfort then you aren't upsetting him.
He has probably worked out that if he cries you will instantly go to him and comfort him - it is just his way of getting your attention.
Do you pay him as much attention when he isn't crying or whining? Sounds like you may need to try and find ways of reinforcing his behaviour when he is being happy, and giving less rewarding attention when he is grizzly.
Obviously i'm not saying ignore him when he is crying but maybe cuddle for less time and use more distraction techniques to get him back on a happy keel. When other adults are around you could encourage them to deal with him when he cries and only hand him to you when he's stopped. That way he will stop associating your comfort with his crying.
Hope that helps

WishIwasatWorthyFarm Thu 23-Jun-11 13:35:55

Thanks, it is definitely useful to have another perspective on it, instead of just thinking he doesn't like me sad Will try and distract if he starts being grumpy

jjazz Thu 23-Jun-11 14:00:04

My DS does this too he is 17 mths and is slowly improving. He plays happily on his own/ with his sister then crys/ whines with arms up to be picked up the second I appear. It drives me mad at times but I'm sure it is a passing phase when he is developing his emotions- iyswim

PacificDogwood Thu 23-Jun-11 14:04:15

Wish, DS4 is also 15 months and is just the same, gah!
And DS1 was like that as well - always much more clingy and needing to be up on my arm when I was present. When I was away, they'd be perfectly happy pottering about on their own hmm.

It is very wearing and I get Nothing Done when he is around.

Repeat after me: a well attached baby/toddler will turn into a confindent child/adult.

That has certainly been true for DS1 who is now 8 and a very happy, outgoing child who is happy to separate from me.

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