Help please

[alwaysfeelingthestrain]

My DS is 4 in two weeks and is for the most part a lovely little boy but he has a temper. At nursery I have a feeling he has been labelled as a bit of a bully as he gets cross and pushes children or hits them. This doesn't happen all the time probably about once a week if that and the same at the childminders. At home he isn't really like this but when he is asked to do something he does have a tendancy to ignore you and carry on doing whatever it is you have asked him to stop or has to do it once more. He is starting school in September and I want that to be a fresh start. I don't want other children, teachers and parents thinking he is naughty when he can be so good. I'm finding it difficult to know what I can do about things when I am not there and how I can get him to calm down. When I speak to him about it he says he doesn't know why he does it and promises to stop. He knows it's naughty but still does it.

[onehellofaride]

No advice sorry but watching intently as my DS is just like this!

[greenshoot19]

alwaysfeelingthestrain i'm sorry to hear about your worries :( my DD is only 1 so can't say I have much experience in this area myself yet! how do you do discipline? from my friends experience with their older children, i know that being consistent and persistent in showing there is a consequence to naughty behaviour (i.e. a naughty step or similar) eventually gets the message across - whether he does it in front of you there and then or later when he gets home from childcare if you've heard he's been naughty. i wouldn't be surprised if he was just finding his feet amongst his peers, which can be a bit more traumatic for some children than others, depending on their ability to effectively communicate. be patient with yourself and you DS, you sound like a wonderful mummy :) and i know its hard not to care what everyone else thinks but you son will certainly not be the only one to have a bit of a temper and that is by no means the sum total of who he is. my brother went through a bad tempered violent stage around the same age, but he grew out of it after lots of love and guidance (I should ask my parents what they did!), you would never think that now though, he is so gentle and chilled out! I'm sure this will be the case for you! best of luck x

[Mummyloveskisses]

I really have no experience in this exact problem but reading your post I was wondering what happens previous to the hit and push, my DD 3.6 years gets temper spats when she is playing and either her brother 15 months takes one of her toys or her BFF who is the same age might take something she wanted or aggravate her by perhaps banging a drum right by her (something random) and with her brother she would snatch back, I explained he was a baby etc and doesn't understand and in her friends case its usually she wants to play with her.... sometimes she is being annoying... well its the age :)

Anyway I taught her to clench her fists and open them while doing a wiggle, this way the frustration is out but no one gets hurt, she needed reminding 2-3 times but then picked it up and often she just laughs while doing it (because of the silly wiggle) the clenching and wiggle gives her time to calm and then seek justice with me rather than taking it on by herself.

I don't know if this applies to your son but thought I'd share incase it was :)