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20-month old having absolute tantrums, but only with me his mum

(7 Posts)
FurdyCone Mon 20-Jun-11 20:23:06

At wits end. My 20-month year old son is having the most awful tantrums with me. He is so well behaved and nice when other people are around that no-one believes me when I say how bad he is. Is this normal? Is it the terrible two's early? How can I deal with it? We both get in such a mess, it gets to a point when I don't know what he wants, and neither does he.

PandaNot Mon 20-Jun-11 20:40:14

My dd, now 3.6, was exactly the same from about 18 months old until quite recently. On one memorable occasion she lay down in the middle of the playground when we were taking her brother to school and stayed there for 20 minutes screaming while I sat and watched. There used to be nothing I could do but wait for it to stop. More recently though I think she scares herself by how strong her emotions are and if I hold my arms out she will just come and sob on my lap! I think it's entirely normal.

amberprincess Mon 20-Jun-11 21:44:08

Oh FurdyCone I empathise with u so much! My daughter is a real pain in front of me but everyone else that she is left alone with (aunts, grandparents, nursery teachers) say she is a delight. Sometimes I left her with my sister and spied on her through the window and she'll be perfectly happy - but as soon as she sees me it'll be 'muuuuum' she wants me to pick her up and carry her everywhere and she moans and whines and like u said I don't know what she wants - she's not in pain, she's not hungry/ recently a single mum and have sent her to private nursery just to give me a break from her whining & she's 3! Sometimes I give in, sometimes I let he cry and ask her to say sorry. I'm just finding new ways of distracting her. I've filled the car up with books & colours and cuddly toys for when we are out. Stuff in my handbag like small toys and stuff to eat when in public. And a heap of books next to the bed! It is tiresome and the supposed 'terrible twos' were fine but the 3's are being a nightmare so far!!

FurdyCone Tue 21-Jun-11 10:03:47

Amberprincess - that sounds JUST like my problem. The all-day whining is driving me nuts.... he whines if I won't play with him in the garden, if I won't make a sandcastle, if I won't read a particular book there and then (usually while I'm trying to do the dishes), if I won't pick him up etc etc. Now it's turning into tantrums and he gets so distraught I can't ignore him - but that is obviously the way to go with this. But how do I stop myself from feeling cruel?!? I really want to encourage him to be happy playing by himself some of the time, but he only manages about 5 minutes before he's seeking me out. It's tiresome to say the least, and usually by 5 o'clock I've got a glass of wine in my hand!
PandaNot - Nooooo! Not that long surely?!

mrsravelstein Tue 21-Jun-11 10:10:29

yup, it's normal, ds1 and ds2 both went through the tantrum thing around 18 months rather than at 2... it was a phase and passed pretty quickly.

dd is now 17 months and has started to gear herself up to do the same, she actually stops breathing and turns blue when thwarted in attempts to paint the cat with nail polish/tip muesli down the loo etc. and is sweetness and light with everyone but me!

mrsravelstein Tue 21-Jun-11 10:11:26

oh, and i have a (small!) glass of wine at 5pm every day while the 3dc are having supper... whatever gets you through supper/bath/bedtime is good...

FurdyCone Tue 21-Jun-11 10:55:49

Well I'm starting to get that it's normal. Was really beginning to worry that he was just getting very naughty and out of control - he's such a strong character I someti mes feel that I'm being bullied. (Toothbrush down the loo is our favourite at the mo).

Unfortunately, to get the through the dinner/bath/bed debacle (now that's another story), the glass of wine has usually turned into a bottle by 9pm hmm

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