How to deal with extremely wimpy DS (sorry, long)(3 Posts)
Sorry for the long post but here goes...
DS (nearly 6) is a complete and utter wimp. He has always been a cautious child and been afraid to attempt new things, but he seems to be getting worse.
He will not even attempt anything that he thinks he won't be ale to do, and he seems to have a real confidence issue about failing and looking silly. I've no idea where this has come from as I have always been encouraging and positive towards anything he does, not pushy or critical at all.
We went to a new playground the other day and he wouldn't go on the slide because it was a bit bigger than the one he usually goes on in our local playground. I mean, there were 2 year olds on this thing, but DS wouldn't even contemplate it. Even when I offered to help (stand behind him while he climbed the steps in case he fell) he wouldn't have a go. Now I realise this is not important in the great scheme of things but in addition to this he also seems to have zero pain tolerance. He can scrape his finger and he lets out an almighty 'Owwwwww' and bursts into tears. He cries for 10 mins and is completely inconsolable.
He has never had a big trauma or anything that I can think of that may have caused this?
I have never overindulged with sympathy at things like falling over. I've always tried to stay cheerful and do the whole 'Oh never mind, up you get' kind of thing when he's fallen and obviously not hurt himself. And equally I've given what I think is the appropriate amount of attention / sympathy when he has really hurt himself.
He cries and is just very babyish about most things. He cried the other day because his shoes were fastened too tight and hurting him - fair enough, except he has put his shoes on himself and secondly, they are velcro straps, so all he needed to do was loosen them!
If he even scratches himself he says 'owwww' and immediately covers the affected area with his hand so I can't even see it, and starts crying saying 'It's bleeding!'. When I eventually manage to have a look it's barely noticeable, let alone any blood.
He cries if water gets in his eyes in the shower, and the most ridiculous one yet is when his friend from school accidentally dropped a marble (the size of a pea) on DS's foot. He howled like a baby .
He gets plenty of positive attention for good behaviour, lots of good attention generally actually, so I don't think it is a cry for attention thing.
When he goes into one there is just no calming him down. No amount of talking to him or cuddles avails the tears. So I've taken to just letting him go on until he's cried himself out, with no attention. It doesn't seem to be working though?
I've tried talking calmly to him and asked him why he overreacts so much at the slightest bump or scratch but he just says he doesn't know.
He has always been like this and I thought it would get better as he gets older, but it hasn't yet?
It's really frustrating and I don't know why he's like this? I shamefully admit that at times I have lost it a bit with him, telling him he's being a baby. I know is not helpful but it's so blimming frustrating dealing with him when he's like this. It's also embarrassing when we are out in public as he is screaming like a toddler and he's nearly 6!|
Anyone else's DC's like this and any tips or advice on how to handle it?
My ds(11) is a cautious lad, very health and safety aware but if his friends do "risky" things like big slides he would join in.
The pain thing is weird, from what you say, you'd think a cuddle would be agony for him, I can understand your frustration.
What is he like at school/ when you're not around?
He is a bit better dealing with falling over / bumps and scrapes at school from what I gather. DP thinks it's because he knows he will not get the same attention or reaction from his peers / teachers / dinnerladies as he does from me. But, to be fair, I never have overindulged this type of silly crying so I don't understand it. And I have always given him lots of positive attention and spent time with him, so it can't be his way of trying to get a reaction from me because he has never has to fight to get my time. My mum says that kids always play their mums up, which I know is true to an extent, but his overreaction to the slightest bump or scrape is so ridiculous that I don't know how to handle it?
He is still as cautious at trying new things at school as he is at home. If a teacher asks him to do something that he doesn't want to do (demonstrate something in front of the class for example) he would say no for fear of looking silly I think. It makes me sad because he has had nothing but gentle encouragement and praise all his life and has never been laughed at or made to feel insecure of silly.
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