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Encouraging non-competitiveness

(10 Posts)
Again Sun 12-Jun-11 22:34:44

Does anyone have any ideas to encourage non-competitive games? My 3 nearly 4 year old is full of "I'm the winner" "I'm the best" "I have the biggest bedroom". I am a firm believer in unconditional parenting and feel that competition is very limiting. Do you know of any good books with practical help?

Mummyloveskisses Sun 12-Jun-11 23:24:22

I think its a phase TBH and one that is natural my DD is 3.5yrs and is full of this too, I try and counter balance by playing games where I sometimes win, or her brother (15 months so not exactly joining in smile ) wins so she learns she may win sometimes but not always.
We do get tears where she isn't the winner but I have to admit they are getting fewer and lasting a shorter time the more I make little of it.... I say never mind lets play again and you may win next time (sometimes she does, sometimes not) although I make sure she does win at least once grin

I know you asked for a book but I didn't know one smile and I thought a RL answer was better than none

HTH X

ll31 Mon 13-Jun-11 01:46:13

think also its a phase ... also ensure when you're playing that she doesn't always win.. good lesson!

Again Mon 13-Jun-11 09:44:56

I do try to do this. He has a cousin who is extremely athletic and always wins! I thought I'd try playing relays, where everyone runs as fast as they can to the next player. Then DH explained that there is a winning team, so he sabotaged my efforts!! Has anyone read Alfie Kohn's No context: The case against competition?

Sparklyboots Mon 13-Jun-11 22:29:24

O, Playful Parent blindside - have you considered why your DC needs to win atm? Is there some situation in which they feel initimidated/ small/ overpowered/ like a loser? In which case, feeling like a winner in some contexts might be a way of processing this... in the meantime, can 'being the loser' become a game?

Again Mon 13-Jun-11 23:01:27

Have also read Playful Parenting, so that was my first thought too and thanks for reminding me. There are a good few kids in playschool who talk about having big bedrooms and being the first to do this that and the other. I think he is becoming aware and concerned about other kids being better at things than him (he's not a natural ball player for instance). He has a new sister too. I did just go along with it as another game, but it's becoming very important to him now so I feel I have to get him out of it.

Intothevoid Mon 13-Jun-11 23:02:14

Tell them whichever one is the least competitive wins a prize.

reddaisy Mon 13-Jun-11 23:07:58

"Tell them whichever one is the least competitive wins a prize."

Yes and then hopefully their schools will say that getting a "D" is as good as an "A" and that everyone gets a prize on sports day.

Ridiculous.

Sometimes children win, sometimes they lose. Sometimes losing makes children more determined to win next time, what an awful lesson that is. hmm

colditz Mon 13-Jun-11 23:12:11

There aren't many childhood games that aren't competitive, and if you intend to send your child to school and not allow him to play competitive games, he's not going to have friends. Learning to win is as important as learning to lose - what you need to teach is that the child mustn't brag about it.

Davsmum Tue 14-Jun-11 16:45:39

What is wrong with competition ? It seems to be natural in many children and can be quite healthy !
I think teaching children how to deal with competition is important - i.e. winning does not mean you are better than other people and how to be a gracious winner/loser but to discourage competition completely can be detrimental I think.
Competition can be fun. Kids love it.
My son loved being in races even when he came last and he never felt inferior to the winner - only more determined to improve !

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