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I cannot control dd 2.8 months

(19 Posts)
Bumblequeen Mon 06-Jun-11 22:12:52

Dd is so wilfull. Everything is a struggle. She refuses to let me do her hair, screams at me when she does not get her own way. She even hits me and I have to restrain her. I do not want to slap her all the time but she pushes me. I am so fed up of the daily struggle especially as we have an early start so there is no time for tantrums in the morning. When I go to bath her she says she wants daddy to do it. Can see that she plays us off against one another. When we are out and about friends try to reprimand her and I feel so pathetic.

Just feel useless as a mother. Do not know how some women have 3 or 4 children. I do not have it in me. Hope 2nd dc is calmer.

bibbitybobbityhat Mon 06-Jun-11 22:14:38

Have you ever heard of the terrible twos?

bibbitybobbityhat Mon 06-Jun-11 22:15:37

P.S. don't try and control her, just see if you can persuade her.

poorbuthappy Mon 06-Jun-11 22:16:31

I have 2 of these wonderful children at the moment.
It is a phase which will end...I just hope I can survive it!

Selks Mon 06-Jun-11 22:16:50

Slapping her at all is not going to help anything!

Read this book it's a godsend HERE

TheSecondComing Mon 06-Jun-11 22:20:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Concordia Mon 06-Jun-11 22:22:24

i think most of this is terrible twos. try not to see it as your fault because that doesn't really help. no one can control another person, least of all a 2 year old. so don't feel bad that you can't.
However, if she hits i wouldn't restrain but say, don't hit mummy, in a very firm voice, and walk away if you're at home. try not to get angry if you can. don't hit her back even if she has been very naughty as i suspect that this will increase the chances of her hitting you.
just tell her you will not let her play you and daddy off against each other as you and daddy are a team.
let her go out with messy hair or encourage her to do it herself.
avoid any unnecessary battles.

winnybella Mon 06-Jun-11 22:26:30

Sounds similar to DD. She's 2.5 and has entered a phase of "DD do it". Therefore we're not allowed to dress her, change her nappy, open the door etc etc.
Lots of tantrums.
Daddy became the favourite person in the world about two weeks ago.

Normal. It'll pass etc.

I let her get dressed etc by herself if we have time, if not, I force her. I ignore the tantrums. Daddy thing is normal.

Mummyloveskisses Mon 06-Jun-11 22:28:52

The main phrases that stand out are she even hits me and I do not want to slap her all the time Children mimic behaviour modelled and if your slapping her she is thinking that is an OK thing to do... She is 2.8yrs, she is a babe and TBH she will be power struggling with you for a good year or more. My DD wants it all her own way too but they have to learn you are in charge. That said its all about picking your battles. She won't let you do her hair? Then don't do it.... I let my DD be ''scruffy'' and then commented on others beautiful princess hair, she soon wanted princess hair too.... oh add a clip or bunchy to your own hair that also made my DD jealous enough to want her hair brushed.... although some days we still got the stubbon refusal and on those days she was unbrushed but they became few and far between. Make your mornings easier with a race, at that age they love to be 1st and the ''winner'' so let her race you to brush teeth, put on clothes etc

With the bathing, I went through a similar thing with stories, she would cry that only daddy could do it, so she was given the choice 2 stories with me, or 1 with daddy.... this may seem to you not a victory but even if she chose her choice daddy she was only stopping herself having more stories.... maybe with bathing it could be you can have bubbles with mummy not with daddy.... or something she enjoys, you know best.

Concordia Mon 06-Jun-11 22:28:52

my DD tantrums because she wants to do it all herself. then she tantrums because she can't. (she's 2.8) i think by 3 it often calms down a bit (Don't want to wish her life away but can't really wait)

winnybella Mon 06-Jun-11 22:32:48

yy Concordia

I missed the slapping bit. You shouldn't be slapping a toddler, fgs. Wrong, wrong, wrong. She has no control over her emotions or impulses.

I do admit to losing it with DD and slapping her diaper a couple of times, but it is definitely NOT a way to go.

Hassled Mon 06-Jun-11 22:38:59

The crux of the problem is that you think you can/should "control" her. She's her own person - her personality is developing, and she will be wilful and stubborn and infuriating because she's working out what the boundaries are. She's seeing how far she can go - it's part of growing up.

What you need to do is be calm, consistent and firm - not by slapping, which is a fucking awful way to parent, but by example, by distraction, by ignoring, praising the good stuff, quick and swift removal to bedroom/step/wherever when she really pushes it. Of course she's hitting you - you're slapping her. She's copying you. If it helps, do the "imagine there's a film crew in the room recording you" trick - it does help you calm down.

Tgger Mon 06-Jun-11 22:46:14

Congratulations! You have a normal 2 year old! Time to take a deep breath and count to 10. Don't slap her, put her in her room/time out if her behaviour gets past the point of no return.

actiongirl1978 Mon 06-Jun-11 22:50:05

My DD exhibited all the above behaviour 12 months ago. I had to carry her 200yds home under my arm like a rugby ball once she was screaming and trying to bite me.

I rang my DH one teatime in tears as I had been bitten and hit and screamed at so much.

Don't ever slap. Ever.

Just remember it will all pass. My DD woke up on her 3rd birthday and we haven't had a difficult episode since!! Honestly she is delightful and altogether a different child.

I used to get so stressed about it - I wish I had known that it was just a phase!!

exoticfruits Mon 06-Jun-11 22:52:18

I agree that the problem is thinking you can control her. The only person that you can control is yourself. You can however manage her behaviour, which is fairly typical for a 2 yr old.
Keep calm, however trying. Pick your battles. Ignore bad behaviour as much as possible but give her lots of attention when she is showing good behaviour.
It is very tempting to ignore if she is quiet and getting on so that she gets attention for 'bad' behaviour. Some DCs don't mind as long as they get attention. Distract-make games of things.
Be consistent, especially with DP, don't let her play one off against the other.
She will be happier when she knows the boundries.

Tgger Mon 06-Jun-11 22:53:54

Yes, I'm going through it second time round with DD this time.

SO much easier to know that it too will pass and is normal for this age! I don't even notice people staring these days when I am carrying her out in public and she is screaming smile.

Also if you have friends with beautifully behaved 2 year olds, fear not. The chances are it will hit them at 3- they tend to all go through it at some point!

elliehh Mon 06-Jun-11 22:54:39

I find that sometimes children can have too many choices and too much say so in what happens.
So, tell her she is getting dressed NOW but she can decide which colour top and which trousers she would like to wear...

She is having her hair brushed NOW but she can decide how she wants it doing: up or down, bow or scrunchie..

When she chooses a 'colour of top' or a 'hair style' make a huge fuss over how fantastic her choice is.
A pink top is a "wow what a beautiful top, princesses wear pink, how many princesses can you name?" Its sort of a distraction whilst encouraging her to make her own choices. x

Bumblequeen Mon 06-Jun-11 23:52:29

Thanks for your responses. I was smacked as a child, regularly but it did not stop me from misbehaving. I try not to show dd my emotions othewise she would have a field day. One evening I put her to bed and she screamed and cried for over an hour. I peeked to check she was ok and left her then dh returned home and went to lay with her.

Usually I am the baddy!

elliehh Thu 09-Jun-11 21:58:07

See that is really bad, i would go mad if my other half did that. You both have to be in everything together. Both the police not just one of you! Poor you x

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