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separation anxiety? Can anyone help or express an opinion please?

(7 Posts)
yetama Sun 05-Jun-11 22:51:28

DD is 22 months old and in the last month has been a lot of changes in our lives. I have recently split up from her dad and we are living in a new house. She seems fine although I have started to see something that never used to happen before and I am not sure what it is or where it is coming from.

Untill a couple of months ago she had been very clinggy however I have to say that this had changed or at least I thought so. Also putting her in bed at the moment has become a nightmare (I have already posted in sleep topic). She used to go to sleep very well on her own and now I cannot leave the bedroom untill she is fully sleep or she starts to scream and cry for me (do not agree with control crying although a lot of people may think it works for them which I do respect, it just doesn't go with me). When we are in the house she has to be by my side or she will start crying and calling me, although this also happens everywhere not just in the house. Today I had a friend for dinner who has experienced how difficult can be to put her in bed at the moment or what can happen if I dissapear of her sight. I also thinks that since she has started to sleep over at her dads (one night a week) this problem has increased. She goes very happy with her dad so I don't think there is a problem with her going or seeing him.

I just don't know how to deal with this situation or if this is separation anxiety or something else. Can anyone help me please? I would really appreciate any similar experiences and what I could do to help her to overcome this problem.

TIA

ShellJacko Sun 05-Jun-11 23:23:04

My 18 month old DS is going through a similar phase and it all started when I moved into a new house 4 months ago and he came down with a viral infection at the same time. Since then he wont leave my side, he was also very good at going to sleep but I have to stay in the room until he is fast asleep otherwise he gets himself into a frenzy! Like you, Im not a fan of controlled crying. My DS will also not let my husband bath or put him to bed.

Im afraid I have no advice on what the best course of action is, but I have just persevered with lots of reassurance. I have also slowly persevered with bath times and we seem to have passed one obstacle in that my husband is now able to bath him but bedtime is still a problem.

Hope someone can help with some advice - I will be keeping an eye out to see what it is, but sometimes its nice to know that you are not alone smile

yetama Sun 05-Jun-11 23:29:06

Thank you smile. It is nice to know that someone out there is going through the same. DD is crrently recovering also from a viral infection but I am not sure it has anything to do with this behaviour as it started before the viral infection. I also believe that changing house cannot be the problem as we travel a lot and she is used to sleep in different houses and this has never affected at all.

So hopefully someone will come and help us grin

yetama Mon 06-Jun-11 14:42:58

bump

Anyone pleaseeeeeeeee?

Al1son Mon 06-Jun-11 17:07:00

It sounds like a very normal reaction to her dad suddenly disappearing from her home. She's probably feeling very insecure about whether the same might happen to you.

It will take lots of reassurance and time for her to begin to realise that you are not going to disappear too.

I would try to grin and bear the clinginess because the more you resist the more evidence you're giving her to build her insecurities.

Try to smother her with as much attention as possible and don't leave her with anyone apart from her dad or her regular childcarers for a while if possible.

Eventually she will get used to the new routine and begin to feel more secure and she'll go back to being happy and relaxed again.

dustyhousewithdustypeople Mon 06-Jun-11 22:06:25

I found the best thing was to just accept it and get on with things with a small child attached to my leg. I know it's really difficult for the whole family, but it will pass.

My now 4 year old was really clingy until around 3, I think. He couldn't let me be more than about 50cm away at one point. As they get older they seem to have more faith that you won't just randomly disappear if they aren't watching you.

Hope your patience holds out!

yetama Mon 06-Jun-11 22:49:21

Thank you very much. If something I have is plenty of patience so hopefully we'll get through this too.

I guess it has catched me by suprise as before we moved to the new house she wouldn't see her dad every night. He just to arrive from work a lot of days when she was already in bed and also as I said we travel a lot abroad and this has never happened before.

Through all these changes I have been explaining her everything that was happening so she was aware of what was happening. I also just realised that I stopped breastfeeding her two weeks ago and maybe it was not such a good idea to do it.

Thank you again

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