Redundant, depressed Dad...Help...Advice Please!

[gottomakeaquiche]

Hello

When I met my dd he had a wonderful job in tv and was top of his tree at a company he had worked for for many years. 3 years ago he took vol redundancy to go freelance which has been a struggle from day one. Was really angry at his leaving his job but I stood by him and for year one it pretty much worked.

End of Year two came and we ran out of money completely and had to sell our lovely house and move out of our city to the countryside. This was always part of the plan but came faster and more furiously than we wanted. Dh worked about half of that year.

Just completed Year three and there is bugger all work and DH is very very low. He has an internet business which is just about making ends meet but its sporadic and hard work paying the bills. We have had hardly - well in fact no fun at all. We have met some nice people in our new place we live and are making some good mates. I miss my pals from our old place so much, we did everything together and were close for a good 10 years before our babes came. Strangely, I can hardly face them at the moment so its not just a case of getting my butt up to see them...that makes me feel worse somehow.

Two years ago I went onto some pills to deal with my crippling anxiety, these are helping but am so sad that nothing seesm to be getting better. I have my own business and have been cramming it alongside the children to try and make it our main family income. This has led to me being exhausted, trying to do way too much and finally, not feel very in love with my work (something I always have before).

Am so upset with DH for not admitting where we are. I love him very much but am almost at the end of my wick. I need him to look after us. A crap job would get him back into the work place and give him some routine back, he is/was a real creature of routine. £600 a month would sort us out or indeed help alot.

Family have been fab, all think he is depressed but he refuses to admit it and won't go to the docs. We are booked into Relate with our first session being this Tuesday.

My final thought is that I can't go on like this. I hate the idea of being on my own but the children and I need regularity and calm....

Please help...any thoughts welcome.

[Roo83]

I'm sorry to read you're having such a tough time. Sounds like you really are trying to juggle everything at the moment. If you think dp is depressed you can suggest to him that he sees the gp, but if he can't admit to himself there's a problem then you can't make him go, all you can do is support him and work on your own happiness. Is there anything you could do to help you feel more secure? Would you be able to get a job with regular hours/salary so you know exactly how much is coming in every month? Sorry I don't have better advice, hopefully others will be along soon with more info.

[gottomakeaquiche]

Thank you Roo83.

[Roo83]

Could try posting in relationships? Might get a bit more advice? x

[pedalpants]

a few years ago my dh got some bad news over the phone about work. he'd lost one job and had tried to return to a previous workplace which he'd left in order to get the job he subsequently lost. they were initially keen but then called him to say they weren't interested. It was a culmination of a load of bad decisions, a bit similar to what sounds like your dh has done. we had no money, but more importantly it was very bad for his state of mind, given he was meant to be supporting his family.

anyway, I'd read that if you come across a suicidal person you should take them for a walk in the fresh air. i don'think dh was suicidal but as soon as he put the phone down i insisted he came out with me to the most scenic place i know. it all felt much better outside.

things are much better now. sorry have no better advice than taking a walk but just wanted to respond to you as you are having a hard time.