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Help! Terrible twos just beginning? When do toddlers learn to be nice to each other?!

(5 Posts)
mumsgonemad123 Sat 04-Jun-11 23:03:54

Long post........I have 23 month old twin boys, just 2 weeks off their 2nd birthday and i have just had the toughest week with them EVER. If this is the start of the terrible twos and its going to last a year then God help me.

They are all of a sudden fighting over toys big time, all day long. Even when there are two of the same toy, everything is fought over, snatched from each others hands, etc. In the garden they will push each other off ride ons. There are raging red facing angry. They will also compete for my attention and so if i am giving one a cuddle or sitting one on my knee the other will come over and fuss, they will push each other off my knee. They are also ridiculously clingy and i thought seperation anxiety was supposed to be on the wane by now, but it seems to be at an all time high. For some reason mealtimes have become impossible, not the actual eating of the meal but getting it ready, they just will not let me get a meal ready, they will hang off my legs in the kitchen or scream at the door if i shut it. And i'm not talking about cooking from scratch, often just heating something i prepped the night before.

What i cant figure out is how sudden the change has been. 2 weeks ago things were going pretty smoothly, i was coping fine and could even say i was enjoying most days with them. Yes they did fight over toys and yes the jealousy was there at times but it was manageable and maybe just a few incidents a day. Overnight it has increased massively. I am just dreading the next day with them. I do get out, attent tots groups and do as much as i can with them but you are very limited as to what you can do with 2 year old twins in terms of days out on your own. I cant manage them for example at a playpark as they just run in opposite directions.

I need for them to learn the concepts of sharing and taking turns and to develop a sense of fairness and empathy and i need them to learn it like tommorrow!!! Any ideas, suggestions, advice, stories appreciated. When did your toddler first get the beginnings of knowing right from wrong etc?????

MavisEnderby Sat 04-Jun-11 23:06:31

One word.Reinforcement.It takes time,I felt like having "NO" tatooed on my forehead at this stage but you just have to keep plugging on.It sinks in eventually

mumsgonemad123 Sun 05-Jun-11 22:30:01

just bumping this. anyone here with twins?

petaluma Mon 06-Jun-11 14:49:55

My ds (21 months) is going through this at the moment and it's quite an intense experience with one, let alone two so I feel for you!

I don't have any practical advice to offer you except the knowledge that it's likely to be just a phase until they start talking more. Toddlers don't develop empathy until 2 and half plus so sharing is not a concept they understand. However, consequences they CAN grasp so as MavisEnderby said, reinforcement and consistency is your only armour at the moment.

What are they like at playgroups? Do they act the same way with other kids too?

My ds loves older toddlers and children but can't abide any kids he perceives to be the same age and lashes out if they have a toy he wants. I've come to the conclusion, he just doesn't enjoy socialising with kids the same age as he gets annoyed by them and because he can't articulate what he wants yet as his speech isn't very developed, he can only communicate through physical actions.

Not what you want to hear, or if it's even practical, but do you have anyone who could take it in turns to take one of your twins out so the other gets some time alone and vice versa? It all might be a bit intense with them together day in day out (for them, and for you!)

Hope things get better. It's really stressful isn't it? sad

mumsgonemad123 Sat 11-Jun-11 23:54:03

thanks petaluma for yr reply. Funnily enough at playgroups they are ALWAYS as good as gold with other kids, its just with each other that the problems arise! I wish i could seperate them a bit more so they could have time out from each other but i get very little help, hubby works 60 hours + a week and only help i get is one day a week from mum-in-law, she has them both for a full afternoon while i do all the housework that is impossible to do when i am looking after them! Hoping things will imrove soon smile

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