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hates leaving activities

(13 Posts)
Mog Sat 04-Oct-03 17:26:00

Dd, who is just over 2, is normally fairly good natured but recently when we have to leave an activity she is enjoying like swings, nursery or visiting friends she will get very stroppy verging on a tantrum. Not quite sure how to deal with this apart from promises that we're off to something better. Anyone got any tips for this?

kmg1 Sat 04-Oct-03 18:14:56

2 is a great age to get this sorted out Mog. Get in the habit of always giving her a 5 minute warning, then when the time is up leave immediately as promised. If she comes straight away give her loads of praise, and maybe a small reward - e.g. some raisins. If she doesn't come away nicely and calmly, then pick her up and carry her out kicking and screaming if necessary.

If you establish these good habits now, then it will save a lot of stress in the future.

Furball Sat 04-Oct-03 20:25:46

I too had 'troubles' with my DS whos 2 over this. Now I say "we've got to go in 5 minutes" and when we do go we say goodbye to the swings or what/whoever and tell him we'll come back another day. It seems to have worked well with him. Someone did say, how would you like it if I suddenly came in and said "get your coat on we've got to go, quick! we're late" your reply would be, oh I've just got to brush my hair, get my bag etc. So a valid point.

Posey Sat 04-Oct-03 22:01:39

Have to agree with the 5 minute warning, then stick to your guns and just go for it even if does cause tears and tantrums. I also used to say that if we were going to get this fuss every time we left we wouldn't bother coming again. So the next time she left somewhere nicely I made sure we came back again very soon so she realised I would keep my promises.

Incidently when dd got to about 4 she told me not to do the 5 minute warning anymore because it spoilt the last 5 minutes play; she said she just spent the time sulking because she'd have to go soon!

mammya Sun 05-Oct-03 00:01:43

Yep, I'll second the 5 minutes warning too, works with my dd as well. We also do like furball says, say bye bye to the swings, the ducks or whatever. Give it a try, it might well work. I had the same problem as you and I was amazed at the result the first time I tried it, as I didn't think it would work, but it did!

bossykate Sun 05-Oct-03 05:28:02

yes we do the 5 minute thing too, then 2 minutes, then 1 minute... i'd say it works 2/3 of the time, the remaining 1/3 we have to just pick him up regardless of protests...

coppertop Sun 05-Oct-03 14:36:41

I would definitely agree with the warning system. We give 10,5 & 2minute warnings. It was the only way to stop ds1 from screaming the place down!

CnR Sun 05-Oct-03 21:24:38

We have recently started doing the 5 and 2 minute warnings with 18mo DD as she always hates leaving activities (and nursery) too. Works about 75% of the time - struggle if it really good fun she is having

jmb1964 Sun 05-Oct-03 22:38:09

Dh once said to me when I was bewailing similar problems with dd1, 'well it shows she's really into things, at least she isn't boring and passive', and it became a bit of a silent mantra for me as I went through it day after day. Agree the warnings work, and as they have no idea how long a minute is at this age you can make them as long or short as you like!

sunchowder Mon 06-Oct-03 18:57:18

Mog, I always talked about "time" with my DD from about 12 months on--whether she really understood, who knows, but I always gave her a warning (like what everyone has said her with the 5 or 10 minute--I prefer 10) whenever we were going anywhere and I always gave her at least a minute of "closure"--like the saying goodbye, or kissing goodbye or one last look, etc. I never really pulled her away crying from anything--I always tried to make sure we had those few minutes of leeway. As a child and an adult, I always liked to know "what the plans were", "when are we going, when are we leaving" and I was really sensitive to this with her. Excellent posts on this already, I hope things start to go smoother for you. Sometimes when we shopped, I would let her hold something that she wanted and explain to her that she could hold it and be very careful with it while we were in the store. I would explain that we could not buy it at the same moment she might have asked to see it, etc. Then as we neared the checkout, we would have ritual of kissing the object goodbye. If we really were going to buy the item to begin with, I would tell her that immediately--the average was that we probably bought something at the store maybe every third time we went out, so that she did not come to expect something each and every time which get get expensive and exhausting. Each child is different--I am sure you will find what works best for you!

Mog Tue 07-Oct-03 13:37:05

Thank you all. Yesterday I used the saying goodbye to everything trick when we were at Adventureland and it worked! Used it again this morning at the toddlers group and it worked. Could it really be this simple?!
Thanks again all

Bozza Tue 07-Oct-03 16:05:55

Its amazing how well "say goodbye" works. We say goodbye to DS's breakfast (bye porridge, bye juice, bye toothpaste etc) as I am washing his face in a morning.

sunchowder Wed 08-Oct-03 02:24:12

Yea Mog!!

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