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Good books in child shyness - any reccommendations?

(4 Posts)
Tiredoutmum Wed 01-Jun-11 09:34:03

My 3 year old DS is very quiet and shy. I don't want to try and make him someone he's not, and insist he responds to people etc, since I have read in the past that this could make him even more shy.

I would however like to try and give him some tools to help overcome this, hopefully at an early age, as I am already worried it is preventing him from making friends and generally feeling comfortable in situations, and I don't want him to be socially isolated and anxious.

Can anyone recommend any good books on the subject, ideally not awful American self-help ones (sorry!)

nicecupofteaplease Wed 01-Jun-11 12:49:18

Bumping in case anyone has any recommendations - my DS is the same, but only 2.5. I want to help him but I don't know if taking him to playgroups etc so he gets used to big groups is helpful or not. Am a bit lost too!

Happymum22 Wed 01-Jun-11 13:09:53

bit american! sorry nicecupofteaplease- but really good general ideas i've found have helped with my DD, like not labelling shy/not letting others say 'ah is he a bit shy', praising him, not speaking for him etc. thinking about the way you speak to your child.. I didnt even buy the book and found just looking at her webiste helped but had i discoered it earlier I may have got the book.

Something else I read somewhere which I cant find was thinking about the way you approach social situations with your child- if they are clinging how do you encourage them to go and play, do you keep telling them- leave mummy alone? all the other children are playing! go join in! etc. which imediately puts fright into them, that they arent being normal, that theyve annoyed you, that they have to go and approach this group and play and you will be watching etc etc.
After the situation do you say 'why didnt you go and play with James?' all the other children played nicely, why didnt you join in? next time why dont you play with emily- making them fear 'next time' and feel they didnt suceed at all in the social situation and embarassed you.. this is more to do with older children but i can see now i was guilty of this!
Also jumping to conclusions and in front of your children saying oh he woulnt like that/ woulnt do that, hes too shy/too clingy/doesnt normally talk.. the child then fulfills that belief because they now believe they cant and you dont expect them to do more.
I think its about getting the balance, showing them you believe in them and its no big deal but also praising/recognising every little positive thing they do and showing your pride.

Happymum22 Wed 01-Jun-11 13:11:35

ah sorry forgot to post the webpage of the site i was initially talking about- if you google 'dont call me shy' its the first one- laurie adams.

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