Advanced search

Are separation issues possible at 4 months?

(10 Posts)
megcleary Tue 31-May-11 19:47:15

Just a question (probably daft)DH is trying to put dd2 (16wo) to bed and recently when he does it there is mucho tears and if I do fairly calm .
On discussing we generally do the same thing just wondering.

SeaChelles Tue 31-May-11 19:53:50

Yes definately. My DS when through this at abpout 4.5 months. He had stayed at my mums overnight on about 3 occasions before this age with no problems and when left at this age he screamed for 2 hours until we had to come back and get him. My DP tried to settle him but he continued to scream until I came to settle him. He grew out of it pretty sharpish and is now 8months - but I think they might have another separation stage at some point?

Its normal don't worry. Just try and get as many different people to do different things with her as poss.

megcleary Tue 31-May-11 19:57:37

DH is going to raise an eyebrow if I tell him this.

megcleary Tue 31-May-11 21:26:29


megcleary Sun 26-Jun-11 19:26:36

19 wo now and still problems

mumsiepie Sun 26-Jun-11 20:44:08

Just try and get as many different people to do different things with her as poss.

Sorry SeaChelles but that is actually the worst possible advice for a baby that age.

RobynLou Sun 26-Jun-11 20:47:08

DD2 is 4.5months and definitely much happier if I'm there - if I'm in the room and she can see me she's ok, if I leave her with someone else, after a couple of minutes she gets v upset.

It's natural isn't it - mum makes the milk to keep them alive so they make sure she's close by at all times.

Iggly Mon 27-Jun-11 07:20:20

DS did this - his grandparents thought he didn't like them. At that age they start to develop the idea of you as their main carer and can distinguish you and strangers much more.

Keeping them with you and making them feel as secure as possible is the best thing because it gives them the confidence that you will be around. If you pass them around too much they lose that security, think you're going to leave them and get more clingy as they think you're going to leave them.

We did that with DS and he is fine now at 21 months although has been going through another bout of it and we reassure him as much as possible. If we go to someone's house and he is a bit shy, we don't force him to interact, we keep him close until he's happy to wander off. Then you don't see him for dust hmm grin

jellybelly75 Mon 27-Jun-11 21:39:41

My DD2 (nearly 9mths) seemed to start a separation anxiety "phase" nearly 4 months ago and is still going strong sad She will not be held by anyone except me or DH without screaming the house down (although, admittedly there have been a couple of occassions over the past week when it has been more of a disgruntled moan, so you never know, maybe she is finally getting over it!), and I have days (like today) when she will not let me out of her sight for a second without going into meltdown. As soon as I come back in/pick her up she is full of smiles, its so frustrating!!! I have 2 older DC's (7 and 4) and they went through short spells of clinginess around 8 months and again later on, but not for 4 months solid. It is sooooo draining sad. I'd love to be able to leave her with her grandparents or a friend for a couple of hours but I just couldnt at the moment. My biggest worry is what she will be like when I go back to work in September - she will be spending 2 days at nusery and 1 with my parents, I am dreading it and just praying she will be over the clinginess by then.

Iggly - how long did the clinginess last with your DS? I agree with you that giving them as much contact and reassurance as they need is the best way forward, I am ignoring all those people (incl HV) that say I need to start leaving her with people (even if she is screaming) and she'll get used to them. But am interested to know at what age your DS did start to accept being left or held by other people? Thx.

mrsravelstein Mon 27-Jun-11 21:41:49

my 3dc all very clingy for the 1st 12 months or so.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: