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Homesick

(3 Posts)
tillytips Tue 31-May-11 09:35:19

Hello,
I've also posted this on the pre-teens section, so apologies if you feel you've seen this before!!

my daughter who is almost 12, suffers terribly from homesickness.

It started in year 3 when she was being bullied, we had minor counselling in year 6 through the school, to help her with her shyness and standing up to her bullies. This was successful for a while and she even managed to go on her school residential trip last summer. However recently it has come to the fore again and she can't stay anywhere with her friends.

the last three occasions she has tried to stay overnight, we've had to collect her at some god almighty hour because she's in a state. Not that we mind collecting her of course, but it's a fecting her friendships as her more confident friends just don't get why she is like it.
Last night she was invited out, but literally no word of a lie i dropped her off at 5.30 and at 5.50 i had a call to say she was in a state. I don't know what else to do to help her. I'm always encouraging her to go, and she always wants to go, but the reality soon sets in and she panics. She's also like this when we are on holiday as a family, within three days of a holdiay she gets tearful, althought to a lesser degree as we are with her.
Any advice appreciated.

Mummyloveskisses Tue 31-May-11 10:43:28

Gosh poor DD and poor you... nothing worse then being helpless when our children are hurting. I don't have any experience to apply but wondered what exactly are her fears about not being at home.... my younger sister who is now in her 30's always had a feeling of homesickness when staying out or on holiday but never to the extent of your DD's she would just be glad to be home. She does still get the feeling for no reason at all, and she is always homesick for our childhood home (mum and dad are still there) even though she has long moved into her own house with DH and DD of her own.

Ok I am typing out loud here if that makes sense.... so what about talking about staying over at X house and saying everything at home is staying the same, you are staying in and you will be waiting to hear all about her time away. She can take a photo of you, DP/DH and perhaps some item of your clothing with your perfume on.... or maybe arrange for her to have a mobile so she can text you anytime to chat.... I think the key is to talk it through though.... perhaps with more insight into her thought process a more definate plan could be managed......

I am really sorry I don't think I have helped at all, I just really felt for you when I read your post xxx

tillytips Tue 31-May-11 13:47:33

Thank you for your tips, she does all of those already, it's almost as if she thinks she'll never see us again.
Last night she took two bags of stuff with her, one with clothes and one with her two favourite pillows, teddy, photo album.

As i said this started in year 3 with her "best friend" who was very controlling and used to hide her favourite teddy from her, which was obviously distressing for her, she would then lie awake all night and eventually throw up.
Every time she stayed there she was sick. the very last time she came home in the morning and literally collapsed in my arms through anxiety. My husband came in to find us both collapsed in a heap on the floor just hugging and sobbing. We put a stop to this friendship, hence the counselling as they were quite vile to her and she had no other friends for a whole year.(we weren't aware that this girl was the problem at the time as she didn't tell us)

I'm not a flakey over anxious Mum,so i'm not over reacting, this is a real problem and now that she is at secondary school it is getting bad again. She has been invited to a sleepover on Friday night, she had fretted for two weeks about if to go or not, finally decided on Saturday that she will go, it has now changed to i'll go for the evening and you pick me up at 9. To this morning refusing to go at all.

Her friends don't understand her and get quite stressy with her about it, but there will come a time when they just won't bother inviting her.

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