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waking up and standing in cot...don't want to do cc but what else? ANY ideas please?

(11 Posts)
sunnysunnyshine Sun 29-May-11 19:42:32

ds 11 months recently learnt to stand and now keeps waking up in the night standing up in his cot. I know they do this when they learn a new skill but once up, he won't get back down (even though I know he is able to).

I tried to leave him to cry for 5-10 mins at a time and then go in and help him down, and lie him down. but before I'm even out the room he's up again. He gets more and more hysterical, and after a few times of putting him down I give in and feed him. I know i'm confusing the poor thing but I just cannot bear to see him getting so worked up, sobbing his heart out.

PLEASE please could somebody give me some tips/ideas to try. I need to decide what to do and stick to it as I'm just making things worse by confusing him. I know it's a phase that will pass but I need some practical advice on what to do when he's screaming the place down in the early hours.

Thanks in advance...

LaTristesse Sun 29-May-11 20:52:12

My DS did this around the same age, and it continued until just after he learned to walk, around 14 months. I just used to lie him down again. Lots. Some nights I'd be laying him down more than 20 times until he stayed down. Mine couldn't do it himself though, if that makes any difference. As far as I understand it, it's just developmental and he'll grow out of it quickly, just bear with it!

NessaG Sun 29-May-11 21:06:47

Just keep laying him back down, unfortunately there is no other way if you dont want to cc, is it possible to use some soft music or a teddy to snuggle into? Mine both sleep through ds is 7 months and has been for 2 months now. I dont talk to him I just roll him into his comfortable position stick on the monitor sounds and walk out. Stick with it your ds will soon learn it is bed time and he must lie down and sleep.

Phewsers Sun 29-May-11 21:11:51

My son does this, when we put him in a grow bag he can't do it as he cannot manage to stand up.

ShowOfHands Sun 29-May-11 21:19:52

It's developmental and as hard for him as it is for you. They even stand up while still asleep and just can't get back down again. Their brains are working so hard on wanting to walk that they cannot switch off the urge to stand up. It's not their fault, it's a phase and they find it quite difficult. In that you're as one.

You can only do what you can do. If you find something that works, stick with it. It will pass as a phase. It's honest to God just a developmental norm and he's going to grow out of it. It's so hard but this is one situation where cc is definitely not going to work. Because as much as you want to teach 'this is bed and you need to sleep', it doesn't matter. They might know this, but the developmental changes that force this behaviour are more powerful than any 'lesson' you might want to give. It's better to help them through it and know that soon he'll be walking and tiring himself out so perhaps sleeping better than ever.

sunnysunnyshine Sun 29-May-11 21:29:51

arrrgghhh bloody hell I just gave in and fed him to sleep. I'd been leaving him to cry for about 7 mins at a time (seemed like 7hrs!) and gone in, laid him down and soothed him by shushing and patting his chest. He would stop crying, and even start smiling/laughing, but by the time I'd left the room he was already off again.
After doing that about 5 times he was so worked up, screaming and crying that he was actually sick! I then gave in and fed him to sleep.

Phewsers, he's in a growbag but has no problem standing up in it unfortunately.

NessaG, ds had been sleeping through for the last few months, but it's just since he learned to stand he's been waking up. His comforter doesn't seem to work once he's hysterical sad

LaTristessse, how upset was your ds getting? Once mine gets to the point of no return, I can't imagine him ever calming down enough to go to sleep by himself.

I just don't want to be making things worse by feeding him in the end anyway but I just don't know how to calm him down when he gets to that point of hysteria which is now making him be sick sad

ShowOfHands Sun 29-May-11 21:34:05

The material point is that he doesn't know how to calm himself down either. You can leave him to cry but he'll only get to the point of exhaustion and pass out. It's not self settling, it's reaching a point of no return.

If you've got something that works like feeding to sleep then it's fine to do it imo. He needs comfort. Can you imagine being unable to sleep, your body making you get up constantly and then the only person who can help you out says no and leaves you distressed.

I mean this kindly. I know how hard it is. It's bloody exhausting. But he's not choosing to do this. It's developmental and he'll be finding it as hard as you.

sunnysunnyshine Sun 29-May-11 21:37:12

awwww showofhands I feel really mean for leaving him to cry for even a few minutes now! Poor little thing. It was going against all my instincts as I know he can't help what he's doing, and he's not being 'naughty'. But I just didn't know what else to try...
So do you think it's ok to feed him to sleep every time he wakes up? Or is there anything else I could try? It doesn't always work actually, as some nights he's been too awake.
It helps remembering it's just a phase and will pass though. Hopefully SOOOON!

sunnysunnyshine Sun 29-May-11 21:42:22

Cross post showofhands...

Thanks - what you're saying makes sense. i've hated trying to leave him to cry. but if i can comfort him without the 'building a rod' guilt then i'm much happier, and will find it easier to cope with. it's the not knowing what to do that i've found the hardest. but now i've got a bit of a plan i feel better about it. and will just be prepared to have a bit of a tired stage. it's like the early days...

ShowOfHands Sun 29-May-11 22:51:06

It is like the early days. Only people expect it to be easier, children to be sleeping through and you to be awake and refreshed. And they are so much more demanding during the day so you're tired in a different way. And if you dare breathe a word about feeding to sleep or increased waking people look at you like you're getting it all wrong.

I promise you that your instincts are right. That horrid tug you feel when you leave him is your instincts telling you to help him through it. I hate this rod for your own back business. I think the opposite. If you teach your child that you come when they genuinely need you, if you show them that you respond to their needs and you show them that bed is a lovely, comforting, joyful place, you nurture children who are confident and able to deal with sleeping alone and peacefully in a time that's natural to them.

Do you remember starting a new job or revising for exams? When in the night you dream about the job or you wake up reciting things or in a panic about the answer to a question and when you try to sleep it churns round and round in your head and you feel consumed by it? Well that's a developmental spurt to us. And we can rationalise it, get ourselves up and have a cuppa, know that it's just the newness of the feeling/situation. A baby can't do that. They're trapped inside a body that can't cope with its limitations. But we can help them. And in whatever way works. Feeding to sleep, shush/pat, comfort, lullabies, sleep cues. Whatever works. And it does pass. Promise.

LaTristesse Mon 30-May-11 21:11:48

Completely agree with Showofhands... Well said!

I was luck OP in that my DS didn't get upset, he was just a jackinabox! Lay him down, pop back up again. Repeat ad infinitum...

I'd also say carry on feeding I'm to sleep through this phase if that works. You may find soon that he stops wanting to feed to sleep, mine did around that age. I'd make the post of it while it still works for him.

Good luck, keep breathing! smile

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