At what age should a child learn to share?

[Penelope1980]

My nephew is 22 months and can't share with other children, and is known to hit and get upset when expected to and grabs their toys etc. He is an oldest child, and doesn't see other childred on a daily basis. My SIL maintains that he is "too little" to know what sharing is, so doesn't really do anything about it. I have no idea what's normal though as don't have kids of my own so am interested in your views on what age should a child learn to share?

[KoolAidKid]

By the time they go to school at the latest. They get a lot better around 3-4 IME.

[Penelope1980]

That's good advice thanks - it's just when I'm babysitting am never quite sure how to deal with it!

[Roo83]

I always encourage them to share/take turns pretty much from birth. It takes a while and lots of reminders but at 3 my ds and his friends will generally share quite well with just the odd intervention.

[meditrina]

My siblings and I are in our 40s and 50s and I'm not sure we've got it completely cracked yet!

But IIRC my DCs got a lot better at taking turns at 3-4is. But, sorry to be the voice of doom, some refereeing will probably be necessary throughout childhood as a child can know perfectly well that s/he should share, but still won't.

[MoonFaceMamaaaaargh]

i followed some advice from bertiebotts on another thread re this with my nephew (3)and it worked really well. As MDS says takeing turns is much easier to grasp than sharing. Sharing just means having the thing they are playing with taken off them and given to someone else! At least that is what normally happens when we tell them to share. With taking turns there is a clear and visible pattern. We are already working on taking turns with ds (15m) in anticipation of dc2's arrival. We share things like having bites of toast etc while saying "x's turn" and going between or round us in a clear pattern eg round the circle. He is starting to understand that when it's someone elses turn he will get another go/bit. There is no way he could understand sharing!

[Bonsoir]

I think way too much is expected of children in terms of "sharing" their personal possessions.

[naturalbaby]

when you say oldest child, does that mean there is a younger sibling? i have a 21month old and 3yr old (just 3) and spend a lot of time, every day, telling them to share! they know what i mean and when they want something they shout at eachother "share!!"
they are generally really good and do share really well considring their age but i have worked really hard at this all day every day since my 21month old started moving and trying to take toys/things off his big brother. i encourage them to ask nicely and wait for the other one to finish - my 21month old often says no just to be difficult cause he knows someone else wants what he's got, then he gets bored after a minute and drops it on the floor then walks off!

[Tgger]

He is too young to be able to share well.

Not that it shouldn't be encouraged- just if you understand how hard it is for them it makes it easier for all. It's still hard for 3 and even 4 year olds. My 4.5 DS is pretty good now, a lot of it is socialisation and development between 3 and 5 but they still hard even after this age. My DH still finds it hard .

[Penelope1980]

I like the taking turns idea - thanks!

[brettgirl2]

Except if my daughter (25 months) wants something she just says 'my turn now'. She never seems to suggest it's someone else's turn, its just a more sophisticated way of not sharing!

[skybluepearl]

we did 'taking turns' from about 14 months. We kept using the word turn and reminding child they will have it next. in a way it seems that he has always had to take turns and it was never a new concept. at about 20 months he would say 'turn' if he wanted something.

hitting should result in timeout. do it with minimal attention to hitter.