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Cant get my 22 mnth of daughter to sleep in her bed!!!!!!

(13 Posts)
Klavdia Sat 28-May-11 08:56:43

My 22 mnth daughter cant seem to sleep in her bed, she prefers to sleep between me and my husband......She even prefers to fall asleep in our bed.So every night its story time in our bed and not hers. I wait a couple of hours after she falls asleep to put her in her bed slowly but as soon as i put her down she wakes up, cries and wants to go back. I need to sleep in my bed next to my husband for a whole nite.....please if anybody has an idea of how i can let me knowgrin

chaosisawayoflife Sat 28-May-11 11:06:14

I had the same issue with my DD and I'm afraid the only solution is for you to make the decision to stop this and stick to it. You need to decide when to tackle it (if possible when you have a few days with not too much on, as you may lose some sleep) and once you have started, you can't back down.
Don't do story in your bed, you need to settle her in her own room, and tell her that she has to stay in her own bed. It may take a while to settle her, and how you do this is up to you, for me, I just went back everytime she was unsettled, gave her a cuddle and told her 'it's sleepy time and you need to sleep in your own bed'. If she wakes in the night you need to be firm and do the same thing. Whatever you do, don't give in and take her into your bed, once you've done it once you're on a slippery slope to doing it every night again, trust me, I know!
I won't pretend it's easy, but for us it was a couple of nights when it took a couple of hours to settle her, then a couple of nights of her waking in the night and tantrumming to come in our bed, but by the end of the week she was settling and staying in her bed with no issues.
You have to be strong and be the adult, let her know that sleeping in your bed is not an option, and no matter what you won't be taking her into your bed. I suspect that you, like me, tend to be a bit soft and don't want to leave her to cry or do cc. You don't have to do that, I didn't. I have never left her to cry, but she may scream and shout and sob at you while you are telling her no. Just reassure her but be firm.
Good luck!

bacon Sat 28-May-11 13:41:32

Yep, this is why I'm always against co-sleeping or letting a young child into your bed.....anyway, she's really got you around her little finger and she is playing you, you are no longer the leader, she is and honestly you need to get this back straight away. I would put her in her cot (bed far too young), perhaps take her out all day and make her shattered. Pop her back in the cot at 7pm and walk away. You'll have to put up with the crying and screaming. You've taught her that this routine is right so you need to both be strong and show her what is the right routine. Remembering that both of you are the leaders and she follows.

No good being a weak parent - life with young children is tough and it needs constant consistant parenting. It gets harder - I'm stuck in today with a 5yr old and 2 yr old boys and its constant disapline - exhausting!

iris66 Sat 28-May-11 14:05:56

Klavdia - I feel for you. It's hard. I have a 3 little ones 5 , 31/2 and 22mths and have co-slept with all and can't leave them to cry. Getting them into their own beds (and making them stay there) is hard work but can be done. It just takes time and I think the key is consistency. We do the whole milk, biscuit, ready for bed thing downstairs then up for a story in their own beds. I settle the boys then take my youngest into her room and read her another story in her own bed and settle her down. I used to lie down with her until she fell asleep but progressed to just sitting on her bed and now sit on the floor (so she can't see me so easily) I try not to talk to her either (especially if she wails/gets up - which she doesn't anymore - I just picked her up and put her back into bed and start again). I put a stair gate on her door so she can't just wander out but take it off when I go to bed only because I can't be arsed with getting up in the middle of the night (DH is working away at the mo). She often comes in around 3 but i can cope with that and know that she won't be doing it forever.

It's horses for courses as far as I'm concerned and I just do what I'm comfortable with to ensure maximum sleep for all of us. DD is happy in her bed and hated her cot with a passion so it works for us. HTH and good luck smile

ohbabybaby Sat 28-May-11 17:05:19

hi, I would recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution book, I think it is by Elizabeth Pantley. She is sympathetic to this sort of situation and has gentle ways to change things which do work - and this is probably more likely to work for you if you have got to 22 months without being able to address it (as I assume that means you don't like to leave your DD to cry!).

Good luck!

iris66 Sat 28-May-11 17:14:04

just a thought - have you tried wrapping one of her teddies in a T-shirt you've worn (perhaps another with DH's?) and sticking them either side of her in bed?

I'll second that Elizabeth Pantley's book is very good by the way. smile

ZhenXiang Sat 28-May-11 17:26:33

We did this once DD got to 12 months after one to many nights of being booted in the head/back etc... You are going to have to get tough I'm afraid, consistency and firm but gentle works. You will have a rough few days with crying but she will settle with time. I did sitting by the cot/bed reading a story (if she got up I said lie down and they lay her down, if she didn't stay lying down I left the room for 5 minutes). After 5 mins I would return if she stayed lying down I would stay and resume reading if she didn't I would leave for 5 mins again. They do cry and scream at first then once they know you are not going to give in they will settle. The first night is especially hard so steel yourself and tell yourself that you can do it, if you stay strong she will be fine.

Tips to help:

Put pillow/sheets from your bed that you have slept on into her bed for first few nights so that she has your smell and/or sleep with favourite teddy/blanket/soother in your bed for a few nights then give to her on first night in own bed.
Reading a favourite story in her room (I do first story, milk and cuddle on spare bed then when milk is finished DD who is now 23 months goes into her cot for second story).
Playing soothing music (DD has glowing singing seahorse which she likes and can press the belly when she is self settling if she wants it to sing her to sleep).
In the lead up to the change over make her room a place she wants to be in - add fun stickers, play in there with her, invite friends/family over to play in there with her. Have moved home twice in the last year and both times hav e done the above to help DD settle into new room.

mumsgonemad123 Sat 28-May-11 23:04:28

i have 22 month old twin boys. I absolutely cannot CANNOT leave them to cry! it just goes against all my gut instincts as a mother, it feels wrong. At bedtime I stop with them untill they are sound asleep. We have them in full size single beds pushed together to make one huge bed. Once asleep, if one wakes in the night we co-sleep and do a bed swap, the waking twin comes into bed with me and my husband goes to sleep in with the other one. Its easy and all four of us get a decent nights sleep. Plus my twins go to sleep at bedtime happy and content with their mum and not sobbing and crying themselves to sleep. Who cares if we have to cosleep till they are 4 or 5 or 6?? Doesnt bother us at all, i just want happy, secure children.

Klavdia Sun 29-May-11 07:46:27

I did try to put her to bed and tell her its sleepy time (or what she calls it dodo!)and i can go all night with the crying believe me i tried. I have tried different ways and spend hours trying to get her used to her room, her bed , her space, she actually got me to sleep once before her which i am embarrassed blushto admit and ran off to daddy,which brings me to the soft one in the family i'm afraid its my husband who cant stand the crying of his little girl no matter what.
We actually had an argument once he said the crying and yelling is unbearable, bring her to our bed ,you(I) don't need to be so hard on her!!!!And of course daddy's little girl somehow(i know and feel) gets away with it.

Do you think it would be wise of me as a step to put her bed/cot in my room,stick it to mine for her to sleep in her bed?(i know should have done that way long time ago) I mean just sleep in my bed and read her story while she is stuck in her bed. I did try the other way in her room but she wanted our room and the teddy bear with my husbands and my t-shirts - but we ended up back in our bed..

iris66 Sun 29-May-11 11:30:38

sorry you had a bad time. You and DH do need to get to some understanding of what you want to happen and what you need to do to achieve this, and stick to it, or she'll just get conflicting messages and never get confident enough to settle on her own. FWIW I think that moving her bed in with you could work well (if you both want that) and get her used to sleeping in her own space. There's no rush is there?

I'm sure over time she could get used to being happy in her room. Could you make it into a temporary playroom and spend loads of time in there with her - both playing with her AND doing something (reading a book?)whilst she's playing so she's not getting constant attention. Getting her used to the room and happy enough for you to walk out for a minute without her following you during the day may be a start. good luck smile

JuicyLips Sun 29-May-11 11:42:13

Cant you put a stairgate up and toys in there and let her play until she goes to sleep? my dd is 18 months and has just gone into her own bed and we do this and she did cry for a few mins but then got herself into bed, now she rarely cries. surely a little bit of crying for a few days is better than having your situation go on every night?

iris66 Tue 31-May-11 14:30:13

klavdia - how did you get on last night? smile Did you move DD's bed into your room in the end?

Klavdia Mon 06-Jun-11 07:37:37

Actually i want to thank all you out there - have had pretty long nights with crying and fighting but hopefully all will be settled soon - and iris - my DD's bed is still in her room but might end up putting it in mine - if all doesn't go well. I tried spending almost half our days playing in her room so i can get her more settled in it - i actually saw my DD collecting her toys and getting out of her room!!!!and she never collects her toys to put them away or move them - she only does so as a last resort when my voice gets deeper...Well if all doesn't work i wont have to say didn't try - but still haven't given up - thank you again all of you - knowing that i can count on you mums for support anytime for anythingsmile will keep you posted for updates soon

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