My nan thinks DS is hyperactive. I thought he was a normal toddler, now I'm not so sure. :-( Please Help!(13 Posts)
My DS (3.3) has always been alert from a very young baby. At 4-5 months old he would only have 3 half hour naps a day and didn't have longer ones until he was crawling at 10 months. He has slept through the night from 13 weeks though but will not get up past 6-6.30, ever, no matter what he has done the day before or what time he went to bed (even new year when he went to bed at 1.30am).
My nan said the other day that she thinks DS is hyperactive. She said she doesn't think anything is wrong but its like he has too many e numbers even though I restrict sweets and he doesn't drink juice or anything.
I dismissed it and think he is like any other toddler but there are a few things that I am now beginning to question, although I may not have done before.
He is very much on the go, all the time. He is like it from 6-6.30 when he wakes up. I have M.E. and really struggle with mornings but after DH has gone to work, he just will not go and play in his room for even 15 minutes on his own without coming in to me/asking me when I am getting up/calling from his room etc.
He talks non stop, unless the tv is on. He was an early talker anyway and is at the questioning stage but I actually told him to shut up this morning because it is relentless. I live for the times he is at nursery now and feel very guilty about it, but the peace is great.
He seems to be developing a real problem with listening to us. We tell him something, and he says he is going to do it anyway, or carries on doing it, watching us for a reaction. I feel like all I am doing is telling him off. He always says sorry and he won't do it again, but he always does. He knows the rules, like no throwing things in the house etc, but he will completely ignore us and carry on. We are pretty strict with him and I won't put up with him doing things he knows he isn't allowed to but I am fed up of having to tell him off all the time.
It makes me sad as he is a lovely boy. People are always complementing me on his manners and he is a very loving boy, to those he likes. He is very 'funny' with some children for absolutely no reason and if he decides he doesn't like them, he will barge into them or push them.
He will sit and do crafty things though, if you sit with him so I think how can he be hyperactive but after my nan saying it, I am now questioning it.
He sounds just like my DS1 who has always been a bit of a handful - even now at nearly 5 but I have never considered him to be hyperactive....just 'active' iyswim.
He sounds lovely and some children are just like that - doesn't mean there is anything wrong.
It is only since DS2 has come along that I realise that some children are 'easier' than others
Oh yes, DS1 slept through from about 4 weeks...and I often comforted myself with the fact that I would rather have a child that slept well
He sounds completely like an ordinary three year old to me. Just like my DS was at that age.
I would ignore your Nan. I know a child who has not napped since he was 18 months, regularly went to sleep at 8 and woke at 5 and was on the go all day. This was normal for him. If your Nan had more relaxed children it might have come as a shock to her but you really shouldn't be worried by what you mention here.
'People are always complementing me on his manners and he is a very loving boy'
From what you have described, he does sound normal. Small children are full of energy, in Belgium we send them to schoold full time from the age of 2 and a half and start out of school activities eg. swimming lessons very early as well, because children need to be able to use up their energy.
Of course there are some children who aren't very energetic, but they are the exception.
It;s great that you sit and do crafts with him.
It does sound like he is testing boundaries, looking at you to see how much he can get away with - you have to be strict and above all, consistent.
I think DS1 has been a bit of a shock to my mum as my brother and nephew (the only boys she has had experience of) were both very placid children so I am sure she thinks DS1 is hyperactive but just doesn't say it!
I do think he is testing boudaries and I am strict and consistant with him, which is why I am getting so fed up. Its soooo annoying to repeat myself over and over. I am sick of the sound of my own voice sometimes!
He sounds very like my DS1 in many ways: early riser, no naps, early talker, always active. My mother kept saying "ADHD?" to me. But he's not, he's just active. And, if it's any consolation, i found the year from 3-4 hardest, when he was highly v erbal, but his emotional intelligence wasn't up there with his verbal and some mega boundary testing goes on (testosterone surges, I think).
Ways to deal with it
1 Tire him out if at all possible (I used to get DS1 to run up and down our hall 100 times when he got too bouncy if we couldn't get out! Or do action songs)
2 Consistency in dealing with bad behaviour BUt not getting too caught up in it and so waiting for the next misdemeanour
3 Emphatic, almost extravagant praise for good behaviour
4 Get his little brain busy on something new! DS1 loved ludo from about that age
Thanks for the tips.
We bought some games the other day from the ELC as they were half price and DS loves them! I just wish I had thought about how annoying it is to have to set up the kerplunk style game, it takes bloody ages!!
I really like the stairs idea.
I think your grandmother may be a bit misty-eyed about how seen-and-not-heard children were forty years go... Your son sounds like a perfectly normal 3-year old.
It is worth remembering that the 'testing boundaries' stuff is NOT about trying to expand those boundaries. It's about making sure they're still in place and still the same as they were the last time they were tested. It's about making sure the world is the way you think it is - that's why consistency is so very crucial. Even if it feels like you've enforced the same rule a million times - keep enforcing it. For his security he needs to know that the rule remains in place. Inconsistency, or suddenly allowing something that wasn't allowed before, is like missing the last step of the stairs to a toddler. It's a lurch that confuses and upsets them and makes things worse. Rules must be retained, as they are what provides reassurance - it almost doesn't matter what they are, as long as they're consistently enforced.
Errrr he's a 3 year old .
3 year old boys need exercising twice a day- get outside as much as you can. There are less rules to enforce outside.
He'll settle down, give it a year or so.....
well DD is only 15 months but you're first half sounds the same, except she doesn't sleep through, 6:30 is a lie in and she was walking by 10 months. She's the one baby/toddler in every class that is running everywhere and trying to escape while all the others seem to just sit there. It seems like females get labelled as high needs and males as having some emotional disorder.
The thing is that as people get older, they get more tired and their tolerance gets less. When they look back at the days when they had young children what they remember is that those children didn't seem so exhausting. It doesn't occur to them that it's not the children that are different, but their own capacity.
My mum sometimes falls prey to this, but if suitably prompted can be made to remember that her own household of four children was actually...errr...quite lively.
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