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At th end of my tether, can't do anything

(14 Posts)
RatherBeACyborg Thu 12-May-11 17:10:15

DD2 is 6.5 months old. And won't be put down. Ever. I hold her/have her in the sling as much as I can but I cannot do ANYTHING without her having a mssive meltdown. My knees are hurting me at the moment so i physically can't have her in the sling for long so I put her in her chair RIGHT NEXT to me and she went into a screaming fit, thrashing around and crying. She is fine when I pick her up but I need to cook dinner. DH is out this evening but I can't have this all the time. She won;t let me leave her even for a second, she cries when ever someone else holds her, she is a rubbish napper so is usually tired and grumpy from fighting sleep, I've calpoled her for teething she is fed, has a clean nappy and I am stood right next to her singing and chatting (in increasing degrees of manicness).

I have just walked off and left her crying as I can't cope with yet another day of it. I don;t need her to occupy herself for hours. just 5/10 minutes - and I'm right next to her.

Help., or am I just shit.

RatherBeACyborg Thu 12-May-11 17:14:54

sorry for typos. I've picked her up and burnt dinner anyway. The house is full of smoke and her and me are both crying.

I co-sleep because she will only sleep on me and is such a light sleeper if I try and move her she wakes up. She fights the sleep so much that i spend the whole evening trying to get her to sleep then by the time she does i crash out. Me and DH have no relationship at the moment, we barely get time to exchange a few words mever mind do anything. I feel awful because i kniw it will pass eventually then I'll miss her being a baby. I don't want to spend this time resenting her demands but there are four people in this family. DD1 isn't yet 3 and I feel like I can't giver her the attention she she should have either.

SomethingSuper Thu 12-May-11 17:18:33

Oh I'm so sorry, you sound like you're having a terrible time. Not much advice as DD only 5months but is also very very clingy. Not only can I very rarely put her down, I also have to be making eye contact with her at all times.

First off, make sure she's safe and go and have a cuppa on your own and try and tune out the noise. Do that right now and then hopefully someone with more experience than me will be along to advise you.

Poor you sad

SomethingSuper Thu 12-May-11 17:20:22

Do you have family or a friend who could take her out for a walk in pram to give you a bit of peace? I know I feel like my mind is in shards when DD is having an epic screeching fit, some peace and quite (even for an hour) would do you the world of good.

MrsMoppet Thu 12-May-11 17:23:06

No - you're not shit.

I think that you need to spend some time putting up with the crying and screaming as you gradually wean her away from constant physical contact with you. Maybe you could start by strapping her in somewhere safe, in the same room as you, and just not picking her up for 5 minutes? Stay within eye contact the whole time.... Would this be possible? Then gradually build up the time that you're not touching her, over the course of a few weeks? I realise that it may sound daunting but it's surely for the best in the long run ...

I never co-slept so I have no idea about whether that is affecting things or not - but I'm sure someone else will be along in a minute who knows about these things.

I didn't have this issue with my DCs, but I do remember being unable to leave the room when DS was a toddler because he would trash the entire room (tables overturned, TV wires pulled out etc). If I was trying to cook dinner, he would overturn the dog's water bowl, pull over the airer, open drawers (he could get past every child-proof lock known to man), scribble on the walls .... it was exhausing. I ended up cooking supper while he had his lunchtime nap, then reheating it later. So I do understand how hard it can be to have your hands constantly full. (If it's any consolation, DS grew out of it!).

Are you breastfeeding? Is your daughter on solids yet? Just wondering if this is why your DD needs carrying so much. At 6.5 months there was no way I could have carried either of my DCs in a sling - it would have snapped in seconds, along with my back! - so I do sympathise with your poor knees.

Hope you get some more advice in a minute.

MrsMoppet Thu 12-May-11 17:27:52

Another thought. Is your DD in pain? Has she been checked for colic/reflux/hidden reflux/spinal/cranial problems that might cause her to cry like this? Just wondering if it's worth getting her checked out by your GP - or asking for a referral to a paediatrician - as it could be something really simple that's causing it, that could be treated easily.
Has she been like this since birth, or has it got worse recently?

RatherBeACyborg Thu 12-May-11 17:35:05

Thank you lades.

We do bf. She was eating solids for about 2 weeks but is now refusing. I don't think she is in pain as she is happy as larry, laughing and giggling when she is picked up again. She has always been like this although she may be teething as it feels a bit worse. Or it could be I'm so tired it feels worse. It doesn't help that I feel sick and dizzy all the time - have started taking iron tablets so hopefully that will help.

Now she is all snuggly and smiley and I feel like a horrible mother for losing my patience.

skybluepearl Thu 12-May-11 19:59:52

can you put her in a back carrier than your front in a sling? i'm wearing a sling alot at the mo and it's still hard to get things done. i can't wait till he is on my back in an ERGO as he will suddenly seem much lighter

katekitkat Thu 12-May-11 21:00:09

This may be a contraversial suggestion but have you considered BLW? Obviously you need to do your own research and make your mind up but I have just started BLW with my 24 week old and she loves it and it keeps her occupied for ages so at least then you could have a break from carrying her. I stick her in the bumbo on the table with a bumbo tray and have started giving her a variety of food and she will keep trying to eat it for about an hour! I did this with DD1 as well and for months I used to get some time to do stuff in the kitchen etc while she ate and explored - just an idea.

RatherBeACyborg Thu 12-May-11 21:32:15

Thank you ladies again.

I do put her in the sling on my back - I just think the extra weight in general is giving my knees grief. Also - it's not always practical ie when bathing DD1 or generally leaning over things. And also sometimes I just want 5 or 10 minutes to do stuff, and I cba with the faff of putting her on and off. It'd be nice to take DD1 to the loo, make everyone some lunch without crying/having to put the sling on. I do do that but sometimes would like not to have to.

I already do blw - well was attempting. It worked fine with DD1, DD2 just chucks things on the floor and commences the crying.

I have left a message with the HV. I'm hoping someone can just come round and, I don't know, watch us in action or something? She may have some tips that I haven't tried. Or just reassure me that I'm not causing her problems.

I worry that I am getting it all wrong. It didn't seem that hard with DD1 and i was quite relaxed about everything but I just feel so tired and anxious all the time.

Ginabraz Thu 12-May-11 21:57:48

You poor thing. My DS2 was similar to this, not only did he like me holding him or in the Baby Bjorn carrier, he also went crazy when I left the room. Unlike DS1, who went straight to his own room, DS2 slept in our room for 7 months and he knew that we were there and would wake if the duvet made a slight noise. It was torture. We tried so many things but the only thing that worked was tough love and it wasn't nice for any of us but in the end we got there.

On a visit to my parents, my mum ensured that we just let him cry it out and it was easier to do there as it's a big farm house so we could get away from the horrible noise (I'd just want to go to him...).

BTW, my DS1 was so easy in comparison as well.

katekitkat Thu 12-May-11 22:12:23

I also found things easier with DD1, she got into a routine more easily and learnt how to settle herself without any crying. I had been using the same technique with DD2 to no avail, I've had months of waking evey 45 mins and endless patting her on the back to get her off the sleep. Then, last sunday, I let her cry for half an hour. I can't believe I am saying this as I never thought I would do it but it seems to have worked, she no longer needs the dummy or patting to sleep, her naps are now an hour and half each time without me having to transition her and her night waking is down to a dream feed and one wake up (this is a huge improvement). I'm not necessarily recommending this but I just thought I would say that this worked for us (so far anyway it is still early days) when I was at the end of my tether and DD2 and me are better rested and DD1 has a happier and more fun Mummy than efore.

jenmelbourne Mon 06-Jun-11 10:00:00

Don't EVER let yourself feel like you're just shit.
We all go through that feeling.
Have you tried putting her in daycare for one day a week? Worked wonders with my DS (now 10 months) who refused to be put down.

loubie1967 Mon 06-Jun-11 10:10:45

My DD's are now 12 and 10 so I feel I have enough distance to view those early years with some objectivity. First never feel you've done something wrong, second babies are tough and survive all sorts of different parenting methods no-one has the secret to the right method.
DD1 was a terrible sleeper and v clingy. My DH ended up locking DD1 in one room and me in another when she was 10 months old to sleep train her (based on Ferber book method) - not sure who was most traumatised! Anyway after 2 shocking nights she was sleeping soundly in own cot, and I slept properly for first time in 10 months! Happy results for all.
Now she's 12 and I can honestly say no long term damage physically, mentally or to our relationship. I was pregnant with DD2 one month later though....but that's another story.

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