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Agressive 2 yo...pls HELP!

(7 Posts)
Ecoworriermummy Sun 09-Jan-11 22:09:47

Hello,
My son is 2 and a half yo and constantly hitting other children.
It started with him hitting my friends child who at the time was over a year younger than him. My health visitor told me it was either to get my attention or because the other child isn’t old enough to hold his attention at the moment. I was advised to get a book written by a dr. to read and that all would make sense as every child goes through this stage.
Now my worst fears have come true and he is at pre-school with the same problem! At first the manager told me he was biting other children and she had parents asking why they’re child was being constantly bitten by the same child, Making me feel very bad about it. Although it had never been brought up before.
Then parents evening came and his key worker never mentioned it. So before leaving I asked how things were going and I was told he's never actually bitten anyone he goes to but when saying "No" he stops and carries on with something else.
Then at his nativity and Christmas party I was mortified to see him hitting the other children the whole way through. Snatching their instruments and hitting them over the head etc! sad
It saddens me to hear the older children taunting him with "Meany, Meany" and telling their parents that "that’s the nasty one".
So off I go again to speak to his preschool manager and key worker. Unfortunately I just seemed as if I was over-reacting and they had a handle on things as it was going better than previously but he does have his bad days.
I’m told he doesn’t mean it nastily it seems to be a playful thing or to show his anger when the other children take toys.
I would really appreciate some advice after the same thing has happened taking him swimming this evening with a friend and her nephews.
So far ive been told to have another child hmm, tell him "no", give him time out (which we have been doing at home but doesn’t seem to do much, and he rarely does it to us) and make sure my tone of voice is strict. confused
Ive just started a reward chart but don’t know how to link that with the hitting? And im thinking of getting him some books on sharing or playing nice...if there is such a thing?!
Please help! Its getting to the point I don’t want to take him out sad

icapturethecastle Sun 09-Jan-11 22:24:46

I hope it gets better for you - I know it can really get you down. My DS is just over 3 now and he is much improved but from 18mths to 2.5 he would hit other children, throw things etc. I can tell you he has really changed in the last 6 months - he still has his moments (today especially with his baby sister!!) but I don’t worry about taking him places as I did before. I would continue with what you are doing (my son is only now responding to a reward chart). I am sure it will pass - it just seems to take a long time to pass! How do Dinosaurs play with their friends is a lovely little book (can't say whether reading that worked or not!)

SkyBluePearl Mon 10-Jan-11 15:58:38

I'd just remove him for the situation and not make a big deal of it. Maybe say no hitting but don't get cross. Yes it could be attention seeking but it could also be that he has limited language and has got used to using his fists to get what he wants. You could just give him the words he needs to use - ie)please move over i need more space or please can i play with the toy.

Tgger Mon 10-Jan-11 19:38:01

He's still pretty young. If he was 3.5 I would take it more seriously. I know it's hard regarding the social implications but a lot of it is "normal" toddler behaviour.

Tbh he's doing pretty well to join in at all at 2.5 at the christmas nativity- well my DS at that age just wanted to sit with me smile would remove him as pp said, say "No", be consistent.

Good luck!!!

mummywizz Mon 10-Jan-11 21:14:28

Oh gosh I feel your pain I really do, my Ds 3.5 has been hitting other children for no reason since he was physically capeable (18mths or so)

he's under the developmental team (only because he was a late walker ) and they've put his behaviour down to speech delay and a very bright mind, down to frustration it's the only way for him to communcicate , they told me as his speech improved and he matured he would grow out of it and to be honest now he's 3.5 his speech is alot better and his behaviour has also improved altho I'm constantly on edge when other children are around because he can still hit pull hair etc if someone gets too close or takes things from him but HE'S GETTING BETTER and these times are getting fewer

He's a lovely boy but it's been hard work especially as my first child was a perfectly behaved girl. The worst thing is other parents, 9 times out of 10 they are really lovely about it if DS pushes their children say 'don't worry, or 'boys will be boys', but I've had occasions where parents have been horrible to me as if I have personally hit their child and I've been in tears

What i find is that I get more out of him if I praise him lots and lots for the smallest of things as he's older than your son he can understand why he shouldn't hit (altho alot of it is still like a reflex)he says sorry then we move on. your Ds is still so very very little, lots of love cuddles and praise for good behaviour he will grow out of it I'm sure (there's a 3 yr old at my sons playgroup who is also a 'hitter' ) so we're not alone, watch him like a hawk and just keep apologising) we will laugh about this one day and relish telling their girlfriends tee hee

sorry if I've gone on a bit

Clare123 Mon 10-Jan-11 22:10:49

Unfortunately some toddlers are just hitters, and it's a phase that they go through. That's not to say you can't help them through it, by bring consistent and stopping it before they do it.

My toddlers was a nightmare, but at 3 he rarely does it at all now.

Ecoworriermummy Mon 10-Jan-11 23:47:44

Thanks for all your comments!
I think it frustrates me so much because telling him "No", Explaining as simply as possible and move and distract has so far not worked for me! sad
He seems to have a cheeky mischievous character and already takes no notice of what I say (a look into the teens already! shock lol!).
I'm quite often told he plays up just for me and I can see he takes in what I’m saying. Thank you for the book title icapturethecastle, I will be going to find it this week!
I do think it could be the limited language skybluepearl. Although today I think we've made a bit of a break through. This morning before school my OH was asking 'what will you do at nursery today' and started to talk about not hitting and how its naughty and we must play nicely with our friends.
I immediately thought NOOOO!!! especially when he started saying he was going to school to hit his friend confused
However when I picked him up and asked him what he did (always explains the same thing! smile!) he explained to me that hitting was naughty! grin but then started saying he was naughty for hitting...and then I didn’t know if it was good or bad that he thought he was naughty! hmm
I say nativity tgger it was sitting and singing a couple of songs! He didn’t want to leave me when I dropped him in. I think he was confused and enjoying spending the day with mummy but they were a bit pushy about leaving him as they say he's fine when I leave?!?!
mummywizz I feel the same always on edge! Unfortunately for me My experiences have been opposite and more often than not I get some awful looks. I think this is due to me being younger, 23, and I probably look younger than that! I constantly feel as if I’m being judged on his behaviour and how I handle the situation more because of my age. However I do it I'm always made to feel as if I haven't done enough or I've been a little too harsh confused
I’ve not found it easy to make other mummy friends. In fact I only speak to one other mum at his school and that’s only because I know her from baby days groups when he was tiny.
Thanks clare123.
Lots of waffle tonight so will stop there for now!! wink

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